Love and happiness are the two most sought after emotional traits pursued by humans. But where love is universally viewed to be dependent upon interaction with another individual, happiness can be achieved by developing a loving relationship with oneself. While most people prefer sharing the emotion of love in the context of relationships, emotional interaction with others does not guarantee that a person will be content.
Being single and happy is a personal statement of self satisfaction. It is achieved only through the pursuit of personal goals and interests, and by becoming sincerely content in the direction of one's individual development. It comes with the trial and error of facing life's challenges head on, and learning from the inevitable mistakes. It breeds personal responsibility, enhanced problem solving abilities, greater self awareness, and improved self-esteem.
Essentially, learning to find happiness while being single strengthens those attributes necessary to being happy in a relationship. It allows a person to enter a relationship with others better equipped to offer something to the relationship. It enables one to give of themselves, as well as receive from others, love in its purest and most unconditional form without the need of feeling inadequate or undeserving. It teaches us to embrace our strengths, and our shortcomings, as well as the strengths and shortcomings of others.
For those capable of being single and happy, life can be fulfilling without the need for intimate relationships. They find life's balance within themselves, and in their associations with the people with whom they share their existence. It isn't that they aren't open to intimacy, but they are less likely to sacrifice personal standards for the sake of an unhealthy union. For them, it's more important to surround themselves with others who are genuinely happy, than to be in a relationship and be unhappy.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Boundaries...
A successful relationship is composed of two individuals each with a clearly defined sense of her or his own identity. Without our own understanding of self, of who we are and what makes us unique, it is difficult to engage in the process of an ongoing relationship in a way that is functional and though not always smooth is a safe environment that generally enhances each of the partners. We need a clear sense of self in order to clearly and unambiguously communicate our needs and desires to our partner.
When we have a strong conception of our own identity, we do not feel threatened by the intimacy of the relationship and can appreciate and love those qualities in our partner that make him or her a unique person. When two people come together, each with a clear definition of her or his own individuality, the potential for intimacy and commitment can be astounding. The similarities between two people may bring them together, but in an ideal partnership, sometimes called interdependent, their differences are respected and contribute to the growth of their relationship which aids in the growth of the individuals in that relationship.
One feature of a healthy sense of self is the way we understand and work with our emotional boundaries. Personal boundaries are the limits we set in relationships that allow us to protect our selves from being manipulated by, or enmeshed with, emotionally needy others. Such boundaries come from having a good sense of our own self-worth. They make it possible for us to separate our own thoughts and feelings from those of others and to take responsibility for what we think, feel and do. Boundaries are part of the biological imperative of maturation as we individuate and become adult people in our own right.
We are, all of us unique, and boundaries allow us to rejoice in our own uniqueness. Healthy intact boundaries are flexible, they allow us to get close to others when it is appropriate and to maintain our distance when we might be harmed by getting too close. Good boundaries protect us from becoming engulfed in abusive relationships and pave the way to achieving true intimacy, the flipside of independence, as we grow to interdependence the relationship of two mature individuals. They help us take care of ourselves and if we can receive it, to respect the selves of others.
When we have a strong conception of our own identity, we do not feel threatened by the intimacy of the relationship and can appreciate and love those qualities in our partner that make him or her a unique person. When two people come together, each with a clear definition of her or his own individuality, the potential for intimacy and commitment can be astounding. The similarities between two people may bring them together, but in an ideal partnership, sometimes called interdependent, their differences are respected and contribute to the growth of their relationship which aids in the growth of the individuals in that relationship.
One feature of a healthy sense of self is the way we understand and work with our emotional boundaries. Personal boundaries are the limits we set in relationships that allow us to protect our selves from being manipulated by, or enmeshed with, emotionally needy others. Such boundaries come from having a good sense of our own self-worth. They make it possible for us to separate our own thoughts and feelings from those of others and to take responsibility for what we think, feel and do. Boundaries are part of the biological imperative of maturation as we individuate and become adult people in our own right.
We are, all of us unique, and boundaries allow us to rejoice in our own uniqueness. Healthy intact boundaries are flexible, they allow us to get close to others when it is appropriate and to maintain our distance when we might be harmed by getting too close. Good boundaries protect us from becoming engulfed in abusive relationships and pave the way to achieving true intimacy, the flipside of independence, as we grow to interdependence the relationship of two mature individuals. They help us take care of ourselves and if we can receive it, to respect the selves of others.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
The Ways to a Man's Heart
Don't worry, I'm not going to rant and rave about a man's desire to have a woman cook, clean and love sports as a pre-requisite to the seemingly daunting task of pleasing us. To be honest it's really not that difficult of a formula, but at the same time requires thought. The days of men only needing sex, food, sleep and entertainment in a relationship are far gone and I feel it's my civic duty to inform women that men require some of the same things women do to make a relationship work.
10 Ways to Let Him Know You Care...
1) Make Him Feel Masculine - Everyone man wants to know he is both needed and wanted in areas that don't encompass the realm of romantic love. Assuring him that he is your protector and that you are somewhat dependant on him will go a long way in showing that you are truly invested.
2) Be Flirtatious - OK when I say this I don't mean flirt with any and every guy you see or be overly friendly in general with the male gender. I mean that just because you are in a relationship with a guy, you don't have to stop having that flirty personally when around him. Be playful and somewhat teasing. It keeps him wanting more.
3) Be Complimentary - Never hesitate to let him know what you like about him. Men, much like women, need consistent reassurance that you like certain things we do or how we look. Does this sound needy?! Perhaps, but lets face it, both sexes fit that bill.
4) Feed His Ego - This probably could go along with being complimentary, but it's important enough to mention twice. Men enjoy a woman who acts a little protective and jealous. Showing ownership lets us know that he is both loved and appreciated.
5) Appreciate Him - Women have a tendency to expect men to go out of their way to make them feel loved. So, for once, do something similar in return. Don't be afraid to put in a little effort.
6) Boast - Boast about the great things he does to your friends while he can hear. He’ll be very flattered, and feel really appreciated. It’ll also encourage him to do it again, so you benefit too!
7) Say I Love You... - Tell him. You’d be surprised how many women forget to say those simple words. Tell him he looks hot, or that you miss him, and that you can’t wait to see him after work. It’ll mean more than you can ever imagine.
8) Make Plans - Do you usually meet the girls on a Saturday night, or visit your parents on a Sunday? Giving him time and attention is the best way to show that you love him!
9) Buy Him Something - Grab his favourite chocolate bar on the way home from work, plan a little in advance and buy him his teams shirt or just a beer. Buy him something that shows that you know him, and what he likes. It doesn’t need to be big, he’ll be flattered anyway.
10) Be Confident - Be who you are, and show confidence in yourself. Men can’t love women they don’t respect, so be who you are, love yourself and make him respect and admire you!!!!
10 Ways to Let Him Know You Care...
1) Make Him Feel Masculine - Everyone man wants to know he is both needed and wanted in areas that don't encompass the realm of romantic love. Assuring him that he is your protector and that you are somewhat dependant on him will go a long way in showing that you are truly invested.
2) Be Flirtatious - OK when I say this I don't mean flirt with any and every guy you see or be overly friendly in general with the male gender. I mean that just because you are in a relationship with a guy, you don't have to stop having that flirty personally when around him. Be playful and somewhat teasing. It keeps him wanting more.
3) Be Complimentary - Never hesitate to let him know what you like about him. Men, much like women, need consistent reassurance that you like certain things we do or how we look. Does this sound needy?! Perhaps, but lets face it, both sexes fit that bill.
4) Feed His Ego - This probably could go along with being complimentary, but it's important enough to mention twice. Men enjoy a woman who acts a little protective and jealous. Showing ownership lets us know that he is both loved and appreciated.
5) Appreciate Him - Women have a tendency to expect men to go out of their way to make them feel loved. So, for once, do something similar in return. Don't be afraid to put in a little effort.
6) Boast - Boast about the great things he does to your friends while he can hear. He’ll be very flattered, and feel really appreciated. It’ll also encourage him to do it again, so you benefit too!
7) Say I Love You... - Tell him. You’d be surprised how many women forget to say those simple words. Tell him he looks hot, or that you miss him, and that you can’t wait to see him after work. It’ll mean more than you can ever imagine.
8) Make Plans - Do you usually meet the girls on a Saturday night, or visit your parents on a Sunday? Giving him time and attention is the best way to show that you love him!
9) Buy Him Something - Grab his favourite chocolate bar on the way home from work, plan a little in advance and buy him his teams shirt or just a beer. Buy him something that shows that you know him, and what he likes. It doesn’t need to be big, he’ll be flattered anyway.
10) Be Confident - Be who you are, and show confidence in yourself. Men can’t love women they don’t respect, so be who you are, love yourself and make him respect and admire you!!!!
10 Ways to Make Her Smile
If you want to make a woman or girl in your life smile, it really doesn't take that much effort. A poor man can make any woman smile one hundred times more then a rich man, by doing some of these ultra simple time things.
All women want is to feel like they are REALLY wanted and cared for. That's it in a nutshell guys. Grab a pen and paper, because this is your common sense 101 crash course on what women around the world want.
1) Tell her she is beautiful or gorgeous (not fine or sexy).
2) Hold her hand at any moment...even if it's just for a second.
3) Kiss her on the forehead/neck.
4) Recognize the small things...they usually mean the most to her.
5) Introduce her to family and friends...as your girlfriend. (Not ummm…my friend)
6) Play with her hair. (Especially run your hands through it.)
7) Bring her flowers. (Make sure they're her favourite flower. So, make sure you know!)
8) Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone with her.
9) Look her in the eyes, and smile for no reason.
10) If you're in love with her, tell her.
All women want is to feel like they are REALLY wanted and cared for. That's it in a nutshell guys. Grab a pen and paper, because this is your common sense 101 crash course on what women around the world want.
1) Tell her she is beautiful or gorgeous (not fine or sexy).
2) Hold her hand at any moment...even if it's just for a second.
3) Kiss her on the forehead/neck.
4) Recognize the small things...they usually mean the most to her.
5) Introduce her to family and friends...as your girlfriend. (Not ummm…my friend)
6) Play with her hair. (Especially run your hands through it.)
7) Bring her flowers. (Make sure they're her favourite flower. So, make sure you know!)
8) Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone with her.
9) Look her in the eyes, and smile for no reason.
10) If you're in love with her, tell her.
Modern Men and the Meaning of Sex
It is a true dilemma of modern times - to guys today, does sex mean a relationship? Do men today feel an obligation to couple up with a woman after sleeping with her? Does the modern man feel the unspoken grasp of attachment to his partner after a hook-up? These questions race through every woman's mind before, sometimes during, and always after sex. Read on for some inside clues on deciphering the man code of sex and their thoughts about if sex means relationship.
Modern relationships are vastly different from those in older times. A man need only accidentally see a woman in a mode of undress and he would be obligated to marry her. Attributes such as purity, virginity, and celibacy were requirements for an unmarried woman. It would be quite difficult to find an adult female today who possesses these traits. However, an advantage to this freedom ensures that a man and woman today need not enter into marriage just for the sex. It seems to hold true also, that a relationship which suffers through unsatisfying sex doesn't last. Nowadays, that means just a breakup - not a divorce.
So, how can you tell if a guy thinks sex means relationship? Here's a few hints to help you read between the lines. Relationship Guy wants to know things about YOU. He listens when you talk. And, if sex does occur, he relishes knowing that HE has pleased YOU and hopes for the invitation to hang around long after the sex is over. Sex Guy focuses solely on his own satisfaction and his course of action - particularly after sex. His interaction with you is geared to achieve a goal - manipulating to sleep with you. Listen to your instincts with Sex Guy.
Actually, when you meet any new guy, you should listen to your instincts. It's a good idea to wait for sex until you have an insight into his intentions. Once you've crossed that line, reality becomes very difficult if you find that he is truly "Sex Guy" and you are looking for "Relationship Guy". Give yourself time. The sheer fact that you have to decipher men's actions confirms the fact that to the modern man, sex does not mean relationship.
Modern relationships are vastly different from those in older times. A man need only accidentally see a woman in a mode of undress and he would be obligated to marry her. Attributes such as purity, virginity, and celibacy were requirements for an unmarried woman. It would be quite difficult to find an adult female today who possesses these traits. However, an advantage to this freedom ensures that a man and woman today need not enter into marriage just for the sex. It seems to hold true also, that a relationship which suffers through unsatisfying sex doesn't last. Nowadays, that means just a breakup - not a divorce.
So, how can you tell if a guy thinks sex means relationship? Here's a few hints to help you read between the lines. Relationship Guy wants to know things about YOU. He listens when you talk. And, if sex does occur, he relishes knowing that HE has pleased YOU and hopes for the invitation to hang around long after the sex is over. Sex Guy focuses solely on his own satisfaction and his course of action - particularly after sex. His interaction with you is geared to achieve a goal - manipulating to sleep with you. Listen to your instincts with Sex Guy.
Actually, when you meet any new guy, you should listen to your instincts. It's a good idea to wait for sex until you have an insight into his intentions. Once you've crossed that line, reality becomes very difficult if you find that he is truly "Sex Guy" and you are looking for "Relationship Guy". Give yourself time. The sheer fact that you have to decipher men's actions confirms the fact that to the modern man, sex does not mean relationship.
Why Women Cheat
It's one major ego breaker. We guys are more likely to cheat on our girlfriends but what if it happens the other away around? That is totally heartbreaking. Not to say though that it's less heartbreaking for the girls when their boyfriends cheat on them. Cheating is not right, period. That's even reason enough to break-up. Below are some reasons why girls take the road to infidelity. And for you to do something before that happens!
Boredom - Yes, girls are capable of that. Even if they talk a lot and create a lot of drama all at the same time, they can be bored in a relationship. So find something exciting and memorable thing to do together everyday. Even if it's just a call or to send her message reminding her how much you love her, that's more than enough.
Unfinished business - Does your girl have an ex she's been trying to get over with for the longest time? If this wasn't settled, then it could be one reason why she would suddenly cheat on you. Maybe she finds something lacking in your relationship that she's still longing for from the other guy. You're only option here, sadly, is to break-up with her. You don't want to be someone who is thinking of someone else.
No drama - Are you becoming too predictable? Are you both always happy? Do you do the same things and talk about the same things? Sounds like you both should find something to fight about. Really! Not kidding. Drama adds spice to a relationship and fights will make your bond stronger.
Playing the NICE GUY - Saying yes to your every girl's whim will definitely urge them to cheat. Make them realize your value and make it two-way. It's a give and take relationship. It's not your job to just give and give. Demand from time to time and make her work her way up to your rewards. At the same time, realize her worth. Being nice is nice but too much is definitely not a good idea.
Boredom - Yes, girls are capable of that. Even if they talk a lot and create a lot of drama all at the same time, they can be bored in a relationship. So find something exciting and memorable thing to do together everyday. Even if it's just a call or to send her message reminding her how much you love her, that's more than enough.
Unfinished business - Does your girl have an ex she's been trying to get over with for the longest time? If this wasn't settled, then it could be one reason why she would suddenly cheat on you. Maybe she finds something lacking in your relationship that she's still longing for from the other guy. You're only option here, sadly, is to break-up with her. You don't want to be someone who is thinking of someone else.
No drama - Are you becoming too predictable? Are you both always happy? Do you do the same things and talk about the same things? Sounds like you both should find something to fight about. Really! Not kidding. Drama adds spice to a relationship and fights will make your bond stronger.
Playing the NICE GUY - Saying yes to your every girl's whim will definitely urge them to cheat. Make them realize your value and make it two-way. It's a give and take relationship. It's not your job to just give and give. Demand from time to time and make her work her way up to your rewards. At the same time, realize her worth. Being nice is nice but too much is definitely not a good idea.
Why Men Cheat
So why do men cheat? What makes them take the other route when it comes to relationships? Do all men cheat for the same reason? Well there are several types of men on this planet and no not all cheat for the same reason. Each one has his own story to tell. Read on to discover the major reasons why men cheat.
Past habit- Some men are addicted and cheat only due to the fact they simply can't control themselves. They might get into a relationship or even married but after the initial phase they get back to the route of cheating and cheat only because of lack of control on their bodies.
Lack of attraction- Sometimes things tend to go dry after the initial phases of the marriage or the relationship and they start looking for better options. Some men tend to loose attraction towards their wife or girlfriend but at the same time do not want to get out of the relationship therefore they tend to cheat.
Sex- This is the most common major reason why most men cheat. According to some men sex tends to get boring after a while and they want something fresh. There in this quest for something exciting and something new they tend to cheat on their wives or girl friends.
Constant nagging- Sometimes due to constant nagging and quarrels at home men tend to cheat. This might be simply due to one's ego satisfaction or just take revenge on one's wife or girl friend. This basically deals with the emotional connection a man is not able to make with his wife or girlfriend and that's why he goes out looking for the same connection with someone else.
Past habit- Some men are addicted and cheat only due to the fact they simply can't control themselves. They might get into a relationship or even married but after the initial phase they get back to the route of cheating and cheat only because of lack of control on their bodies.
Lack of attraction- Sometimes things tend to go dry after the initial phases of the marriage or the relationship and they start looking for better options. Some men tend to loose attraction towards their wife or girlfriend but at the same time do not want to get out of the relationship therefore they tend to cheat.
Sex- This is the most common major reason why most men cheat. According to some men sex tends to get boring after a while and they want something fresh. There in this quest for something exciting and something new they tend to cheat on their wives or girl friends.
Constant nagging- Sometimes due to constant nagging and quarrels at home men tend to cheat. This might be simply due to one's ego satisfaction or just take revenge on one's wife or girl friend. This basically deals with the emotional connection a man is not able to make with his wife or girlfriend and that's why he goes out looking for the same connection with someone else.
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