Honesty: The One True Con

Statistically speaking, 8 out of 10 people list honesty as their #1 virtue when it comes to a potential mate. So I feel it's safe to say that we find honestly more than slightly endearing. However, it's easy to confuse genuine honesty with someone using honesty as a disarming technique. Honesty is a particularly good quality that can be used as a weapon when trying to fool or "con" someone into a romantic or sexual encounter.

So how does someone use honesty in a dishonest way?

Let me give you a couple of prime examples of how this can play out. As a man, if interested in a woman it's imperative that I overcome the stigma of being interested in just sex, even if that's not the case. So how do I do so? I could tell her how much different I am than the other guys she's met (lie.) Maybe I could go with the line, I've never met a girl I couldn't figure in 5 minutes before, eluding to the fact that I think she's different (lie.) Oh I know, I'll use the classic line that I'm guarded so it's been hard for me to get close to someone bit (biggest lie ever told.)

These are all lies that most women, either through past relationships or the newest romantic comedy have heard before. So what's the easiest way to remedy the situation. By being completely honest!!! Sure, it seems too simple and remedial to be effective, but sometimes less is more. More often than not people fail to pay attention to the motive behind honest words, therefore making honesty a very powerful weapon. Enter the Con...

Let's say you meet someone, the two of you start to vibe and converse, and the more and more you talk to this person they tell you things that people normally aren't up front about the first time you meet them. He talks about past relationships, bad habits, faults, etc....you know, the types of things that people like to keep guarded so you won't dismiss them due to their shortcomings. Now, you might be the type of person to run from such openness, however if you're over the age of 22, chances are you find the fact that this persons' willingness to open up both charming and refreshing.

Hook, Line, and Sinker....


They've already achieved in one conversation what most people take a few dates to achieve. He has made you feel like you're a part of his story or life drawing you closer and yearning for more.

Men also bank on the "challenge factor" when it comes to using honesty as a weapon. On the occasion a man will use the "your less than nothing to me" me approach. And I'll give you a hint, this is not a lie, because odds are he really couldn't care less about you. However some women view this as he's playing "hard to get" or he's just trying to be cute or mysterious assuming he's being dishonest about the "good guy" inside of him. WRONG!!! He's using the fact that he's being honest about not caring to his benefit, and odds are it's probably going to get him laid. If a guy acts like he doesn't care....he genuinely doesn't care!! Yet again honesty has prevailed as the true con.

No ideal or principle is a virtual certainty, but next time you meet someone, I'm certain you'll think twice about automatically thinking that honesty has no ulterior motive.

The Importance of Value

When people see the word "value" the first things that come to mind are most likely money, services and or material things. We are a consumerist society that has become dependent on "things" to make us happy or satisfied. The problem is that this has carried over to how we approach and or deal with romantic relationships. The question of "what can he/she do for me?," has become rampant in the minds of daters, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands,wives, etc. Perhaps that's why the "happy" couple remains so elusive in the dating world today. Do we dismiss or resent people too quickly based on dependency? Is it still possible for a couple to be both independent and co-dependent?

The vast majority of people enjoy when someone buys them a gift, takes them to dinner, or goes out of his/her way to make them feel special. If we didn't, Christmas wouldn't be about gifts and more about spending time with the people you love. (Spare me the "BS" about not caring about such things.) There is nothing wrong with this, however what is wrong is that once we become accustomed to receiving a gift or a service, we become disappointed when it either doesn't happen, remains the same, or doesn't improve. Such an attitude is potentially "fatal" in a relationship as it has a tendency to set our significant other up for failure!

Yes, I'm aware that there are those rare couples who give and take with equal frequency, but there are also people who win the lottery more than once, people that were once blind but can now see and people who escape a catastrophe without a scratch. Bottom line, it's a rarity these days for two people to be in a romantic relationship that isn't laced with resentment. Each is constantly reevaluating the relationship based on their happiness at that particular moment as opposed to looking at the bigger picture. Compatible couples both give and take out of love, not out of the desire for temporary satisfaction. I'm not saying you need to give up on your needs or sacrifice your happiness just to please your partner, but don't expect a Range Rover if you only gave a Ford Focus.

Circling back to value, it appears as though we have lost sight of the value of a kiss, hug, gaze, or even a serious conversation. These things are valuable to a relationships because they cannot be replaced, they can't be given to by anybody but your partner. Some people feel that if something is priceless, then it probably has no worth, however in relationships the value of a kiss should equal that of a million dollar pay day.

With Valentines day around the corner I urge you to consider not what you're partner is going to do for you, but how you can show them how much you care. It doesn't matter if it's a dozen roses or a hand made card, if you give because you care, it will always be valuable!!