GONE in 60 seconds...

( For the men of the world)


Go out to a bar, club or even within your social circle and observe the way men approach women. I think you'll find that most men, not all, but most are unsure of how to handle the situation. By the situation I mean both the initial greeting and follow-up conversation. The reality is that in life first impressions are everything, but for Women it's the end all and be all of a potential date. It takes a woman only a few seconds to make countless assumptions about men. Translation: Bring your A-Game or you'll get an, "It was nice to meet you," or "I have a boyfriend." And by now it is my hope that you know that women are always looking for an upgrade. So DON'T dig yourself a hole in the first 60 seconds, because if you do you might as well throw yourself in and allow her to shovel the dirt in on top of you...

The approach men take to dating a women goes beyond the introduction and first date and dwells within our thought process upon seeing/meeting a potential partner. Too often men tend to overcompensate in certain areas due to their insecurities. Here's a news flash fellas, you're not fooling anybody. You may be able to trick a woman into believing you're wealthy, smart or even a former professional athlete, but they can spot confidence within the first 5 minutes of a conversation. So...what if I want to play the "nice guy" card?! Well, women do want a "nice" guy, but their definition is slightly different than ours.

When you think of a nice guy a few things probably come to mind. He is sensitive, attentive, open-minded, sweet, cuddly, dependable....(I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.) What I just described to you is a NICE guy, but overly so. Men have a tendency to overdo things on ocassion, which isn't all bad, but in the world of dating being overly nice transforms you from a man to a puppy. When I hear women describe their definition of a nice guy words such as "responsible," "stable," "confident," "funny," etc. come out of their mouths. Although I'm a firm believer that most women don't know what they want until they see it, I do believe that when referring to the want for a "nice" guy they really mean: "I want a REAL guy."

So what do I mean by a real guy?! Being a real guy means being comfortable in your own skin. A real guy isn't afraid to be himself and is proud of his actual accomplishments. He knows his flaws and isn't embarassed by them. He doesn't need to lie about who he is or what he does. And most importantly he knows what he brings to the table in a relationship and isn't worried about whether or not she'll "like" him. Sure, this "real" guy seems slightly unrealistic, but it's what we should all strive for, not because it's what women want, but it's the state of mind required to be at peace with one's self.

5 Things Not to Do When Meeting a Woman:

1). Poor Eye Contact

2). Stutter or Stammer

3). Brag or Boast

4). Curse or Jest in Poor Taste

5). Call or Text within 24 hours

Behind the Title

In regards to relationships, each person looks for different things. Is she hot? Is he funny? Does she smoke? Does he have a good job? The strange thing is that despite each person liking different attributes in a significant other, many people seem to fall for something other than they're looking for. During the dating process people often find themselves molding into what their significant other is looking for, which is a form of mirroring. Due to the natural fear of ending up alone, many of us try to be something someone else wants rather than be ourselves.



I'm not suggesting that this can be changed, altered or even reversed. We are insecure as a society and I don't see that changing in the near future. The problem is that due to our insecurity as a whole, particularly in the dating realm, we have become more and more susceptible to fraud and or a "con."



We have all heard of bank fraud, credit card fraud, insurance fraud, etc. The majority of us have also probably met a con man on the streets trying to hustle us for money, food or a bottle of whiskey. However, probably the most frequent form of fraud we are subjected to is within the world of dating. This post goes hand in hand with "...Hate the Game" because dating has become just that, a game. The rules to the game are quite simple:



1). Don't get Hurt



2). Don't get Played



3). Remain Elusive



4). Never Commit



5). Befriend the white lie



The best and worst part about the relationship con is that it doesn't require you to be completely dishonest. A balance of complete honesty and a few omissions create the perfect recipe for such a con. Such a situation requires two types of people: the Hopeful Romantic and the Emotional Retard. The two types are typically drawn to one another but almost always have different agendas. Enter: The Honest Con!

So how can someone be both honest and a con man? The answer is typically that he/she can't, but when it comes to human emotion, someone can be completely honest with you, and still be conning you. For example, lets say you meet somebody that you are attracted to. They seem to have all the characteristics you are looking for and has their shit together. You hang out a few times, maybe even go on some dates, and things seem like they're going well. Then the ball begins to drop. You make plans for an evening out or even a hang out, and then he/she cancels giving the "I'm really tired" excuse. You shrug it off accordingly because it's the first time its happened. Events like these continue to occur more and more frequently, but you continue to shrug it off because of extenuating circumstances. These circumstances usually include the following up of a blow-off by having a great night together or a meaningful conversation. Yes, I'm aware that people have things come up, but if you think that a string of these events are a coincidence, you are being conned.

This is not me saying that these people don't care. Chances are they do, but they care more about control and not getting hurt than your feelings. The reason I entitled this blog "The Honest Con," is in large part because the world of dating has become about manipulation rather than affection. Many people have become so comfortable in their "player" roles that its hard for them to realize what dating actually is. The art of the con has become their inspiration upon meeting a member of the opposite sex rather than actually getting to know someone. Dating is now a hobby for this person and an actual connection......an afterthought. So if you think someone is too good to be true, don't overlook your instincts, because he/she most likely fits the bill.

The Rules

Most people have certain things they try to avoid when in a relationship. Some to avoid complications, some to avoid commitment, some to keep from getting hurt..etc. Regardless of the rule, the use of such rules is intended for people to keep a safe distance from a particular feeling or type of person. I, myself, am more guilty of most of creating a set of rules to avoid complications with the opposite sex. Though, I admit, I have bent and broken most of these rules due to various exceptions.

I felt it necessary to share my rules in hopes that if you currently don't have a set for yourself, I could inspire such a set guidelines for your own dating life...


Rules of Engagement:


1). No Back to Backs

I don't see the same girl back to back days (i.e Monday/Tuesday) Gives false sense of monogamy


2). No PDA


I never do PDA (public display of affection)...creates false sense of intimacy


3). No Family Functions

I NEVER, absolutely NEVER do family functions...creates false sense of commitment


4). No Day Dates

Avoid Day Dates like the plague...women don't go to coffee with guys they want to sleep with!


5.) Unless asked, NEVER talk about yourself...


Self-Absorbed people may tend to be the most attractive, but they are also the most obnoxious


6). Steer Clear of the Friend Zone


You might be cute, cuddly and dependable...but so is a teddy bear or a nice bowl of ice cream so don't become a security blanket



7). No Cooking for or Shopping with...



Sure, making an effort shows her you care, but it also opens the door to become either a doormat or great Friend



8). Maintain the unknown

Rely on the unknown to keep things interesting...because knowledge equals comfort, comfort equals complacency, and complacency is just a fancy word for being very bored!!

9). No Bartenders, Servers or Bar Rats

You're either getting conned into buying drinks or taking on some serious baggage...They're in that situation for a reason!

10). Allure, Attract and Avoid

Probably the most important rule as we all want what we can't have, so the longer someone thinks they can't have you, the more they want you...

...Hate the Game

Don't hate the Player....

If there is one true enemy of monogamy other than the fact as humans we resist it, is the fact that we love to play games with one another. Hell, there have been many movies based upon how to manipulate the opposite sex. There is a common misconception that Men are the primary culprits in playing the dating game, however women are just as competitive as men as have a tendency to yearn for the upper hand in any relationship. What makes us want to play with the emotions of another? Are we too insecure?! Too confident?!? Or do we just love a dramatic endeavour?


"I'm not going to text him, he has to text me if he wants me."



"I'm not gonna be the stage 5 clinger..."



"Why didn't he call?"



"How come she hasn't text me back yet?"



I could go on and on and on...etc with numerous examples of games we play with each other to maintain control of a relationship. It's strange to think a human being would take pleasure in making another person feel insecure or on edge just to maintain "control" in what's supposed to be a romantic relationship. Yes, vulnerability is something we all try to avoid, as no one longs to have their feelings hurt or even their heart broken. However, without said vulnerability it will be impossible to obtain any type of meaningful relationship.


Since the beginning of modern civilization men have been taught to be strong, independent, the alpha male, the protector and immune to any type of emotion. The problem is, that man also have a natural want to find a life partner in a woman with whom he can share his life with. Obviously the want to be the dominant force in a relationship and the need to spend life as a compassionate partner and lover create quite a conundrum within the male mind. (see also overcompensation)


The roles of women in both relationships and the world have rapidly evolved over the course of time. Woman are now encouraged to speak their mind and no longer take a backseat to men in business or in the realm of love. The problem is that this evolution has created both a wonderful thing in female equality in the workplace and in romance and a terrible thing in giving the woman free reign as manipulators of the male mind and body.


So never mind the fact that both women and men naturally want to be compassionate, loving and caring towards each other, because relationships have clearly become a power struggle rather than a romantic union of two people.


Enter..."the game."


By definition, "the game," is the struggle between two people to equally give mentally, emotionally and physically in a romantic relationship due to the fear of rejection. So now that both man and woman feel it necessary to have an advantage or the upper hand in a romantic relationship, the game has evolved from a childish exchange of stubbornness, into a battle for supremacy in what used to be an EQUAL partnership.


Members of the opposite sex playing emotional games of "hard to get" is nothing new. It's been going on since anyone can document. Women want to be chased, men chase after them, then once they get them they don't want them anymore, then the women chase after the men....and so on and so forth. Perhaps the problem with the game, relationships and the world in general is the wanting of what we can't have or the chase, or what most of us know as GREED!!



My advice to anyone involved in a relationship in which games reign supreme...GET OUT!!! The odds are not in your favor, mostly because you, yourself, are part of the equation. Until as a society we find it acceptable to show vulnerability and determine it's ok to be selfless, the success rate of relationships will continue to decline.

The Project

(For the women of the world)

As a man, it's hard for me to just sit back and watch women make the same mistake over and over............and over when it comes to their approach to relationships. Maybe it's your inherent need to fix a problem. Your natural tendency to be optimistic?! How about your emotions taking control of your god-given superior intelligence?!?! My guess is, that it's: D) All of the above. Society wants both men and women to believe in that Hollywood ending type of relationship in which a woman meets a man, typically guarded and chauvinistic, changes the way he views women and relationships, and then accordingly falls in love and lives happily ever after...

Do you believe in that?!.......................God, I hope not!!

Sadly as it is, (straight) men are incapable of growth, change or progress unless they do so on their own terms. Actually, the more you attempt to create change within a man, the more likely he is to rebel against such reform. The male ego is a combination of pride and insecurity, which usually creates a recipe for a high degree of stubbornness. The problem with this is that a large number of women choose to ignore "red flags" in a relationship in fear of ending up alone. The want to be loved is natural, but subjecting yourself to an unhealthy relationship isn't worth the time or energy.

I'm not going to speak for all men, but many of us view relationships very differently than women. For many men relationships are about sex, control and convenience. They see something they want, manipulate their way into getting it and once they have it, they exploit it. Men often play on the insecurities of women and use it to their full advantage. One of my favorite quotes in relationships and in life is, "if you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to want a glass of milk." Sure there are the sensitive, fun loving and understanding men of the world who love to listen and make great cuddle buddies, but let's face it, most women don't go for the "good guys," or "safe bets."

What I'm saying should come as no surprise to women as they've been subjected to "wrong" men for a majority of their lives. However, the days of using past boyfriends or a bad childhood as an excuse for being in dysfunctional relationships is over. I get it, you're dad didn't pay enough attention to you and you dated a guy that made you feel irrelevant. There are people all over the world who've had worse upbringings and even worse relationships....stop feeling sorry for yourself!!! The problem is that as much as you complain about being with a man who doesn't appreciate you or treat you fairly, you seem to thrive on the drama that accompanies such a relationship.

So what is it that makes these men so intriguing?! Is it the human desire to want what we can't have? I feel it is imperative that I disclose something that remains a mystery to many women all over the world. Men know that you are smarter. We also know that if you overcame your tendency to be emotional and insecure, you could rule the world. That's not an exaggeration, you could literally rule the world. You have two major advantages over men that we can never compete with. #1. You all have the ability to give and take away sexual privileges as you wish. This is the most common form of torture known to man, so use it to your advantage. #2. You are all emotional terrorists. Your natural ability to rip apart a mans ego with a subtle yet indirect comment is the second most common form of torture known to man...and I discourage you from using this too frequently as you could rid the world of all male dominance.

The bottom line is that if women want to be in a good relationship, they need to be with a GOOD man. Not just a good looking man. Not just a charming man. Not a "man in training." Someone who treats you with the same respect you treat them. I'm giving you these credentials because so many of you look past things that matter for things on the surface. I'm not telling you to date quazzy moto or the cript keeper with a heart of gold. I'm telling you that if you continue to make poor decisions....just don't bitch about it. Because you've done it to yourself.