Do you ever find yourself wondering why a "love" interest sends brief, impersonal texts, rather than just giving you a call? Have you ever told this person to call and they just sent the "Hey you" text instead? While texting is the main form of communication these days, it still allows us to communicate without being personable. Sure there are the texters of the world who don't have time to make the call, but for the most part people text because it's easy, convenient and they are too lazy to dial it up. So allow me a moment to put the pieces together for you so that you may better understand my point.
Obviously, when in a serious committed relationship, you are going to communicate regularly with a healthy mix of calling and texting. However, when in the "dating" stage of a relationship, continuous texting should raise a red flag to us all. Allow me to elaborate on my definition of the dating stage. Dating includes but is not limited to: hanging out, watching movies, making out, hooking up (sexually), meeting for drinks, the occasional dinner date, etc. Basically I'm referring to any type of relationship that still doesn't have the bf/gf label.
So now that we are all on the same page I'll get back on track. In the early stages of dating we often find ourselves wondering one of two things: Am I really into this person? or, Is this person really that into me? And more often than not the answer is different for each involved in the relationship. Sometimes one person is more interested than the other. This is completely natural, however the problem arises when one side uses this to his/her advantage.
The importance of avoiding a "texter," is that this person uses texting as a way to both stay in contact but keep his or her distance from the relationship. Texting has been and always will be an efficient but impersonal way of communicating with another person. Keep in mind, you are not a co-worker, business proposition or even an acquaintance, so why shouldn't your love interest pick up the phone and call? The answer is simple, chances are this person just isn't that interested. I can't state enough that there are exceptions to this rule, but if you think about it, you'll probably be able to think of a time when either you have done this to someone else or vice versa.
5 Warning Signs of a Texter:
1). Late night hook up texts
2). Texts starting with "Hey you"
3). Promise of a call...ending up in a text
4). Extended time w/out any communication (min 2 days)
5). Texts ending with "ttyl," "Get a hold of me later," or any statement ending with "...soon"
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Day Dates
(For the Men of the World)
In the world of dating their are many different types of dates; fun dates, boring dates, romantic dates, etc. Though these dates might differ in the adjective used to describe the event, it is my hope that they all would have one thing in common. They took place at night!!! The principle behind going on dates that take place in the evening is quite simple, women don't go to lunch or coffee with men they want to have sex with!! At least in the beginning.
I completely understand that every once in a while schedule's only permit a lunch or coffee date, but for the most part, if a woman isn't willing to clear up an evening for you, she has no intent on sleeping with you. And most likely, is inadvertently placing you in relationship purgatory, commonly referred to as the Friend Zone. Sure there are some circumstances in which a "day date" is acceptable, but some people also think it's acceptable to pee in public pools...
Sure, we all see men and women sitting at our local Starbucks chatting it up, seemingly having a good time. What you would also see if you paid close attention is that same woman checking her phone every few minutes to see if the guy she wants to come over later is texting her. Yep, sorry fellas, it happens. The sad thing is, we often bring this upon ourselves through initial mistakes.
The fundamentals of avoiding the infamous "day date," are quite similar to those of avoiding the FZ (friend zone.) Both require a man to play a certain degree of "hard-to-get" in order to spark a woman's intrigue. It's human nature to want what we can't have, and most of us want it right away. So the longer you make your self unavailable, the longer she's going to work for both your attention and affection. To simplify this concept I urge you to look at relationship much like a business transaction. As long as you have the "supply," their will be a "Demand."
Day Dates include but are not limited to:
1). Meeting for Coffee
2.) Any meeting that involves lunch
3.) Catching a Matinee (movie)
4.) Bike Rides, Walks, or Jogs
5.) Any date taking place prior to 6 p.m.
In the world of dating their are many different types of dates; fun dates, boring dates, romantic dates, etc. Though these dates might differ in the adjective used to describe the event, it is my hope that they all would have one thing in common. They took place at night!!! The principle behind going on dates that take place in the evening is quite simple, women don't go to lunch or coffee with men they want to have sex with!! At least in the beginning.
I completely understand that every once in a while schedule's only permit a lunch or coffee date, but for the most part, if a woman isn't willing to clear up an evening for you, she has no intent on sleeping with you. And most likely, is inadvertently placing you in relationship purgatory, commonly referred to as the Friend Zone. Sure there are some circumstances in which a "day date" is acceptable, but some people also think it's acceptable to pee in public pools...
Sure, we all see men and women sitting at our local Starbucks chatting it up, seemingly having a good time. What you would also see if you paid close attention is that same woman checking her phone every few minutes to see if the guy she wants to come over later is texting her. Yep, sorry fellas, it happens. The sad thing is, we often bring this upon ourselves through initial mistakes.
The fundamentals of avoiding the infamous "day date," are quite similar to those of avoiding the FZ (friend zone.) Both require a man to play a certain degree of "hard-to-get" in order to spark a woman's intrigue. It's human nature to want what we can't have, and most of us want it right away. So the longer you make your self unavailable, the longer she's going to work for both your attention and affection. To simplify this concept I urge you to look at relationship much like a business transaction. As long as you have the "supply," their will be a "Demand."
Day Dates include but are not limited to:
1). Meeting for Coffee
2.) Any meeting that involves lunch
3.) Catching a Matinee (movie)
4.) Bike Rides, Walks, or Jogs
5.) Any date taking place prior to 6 p.m.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The Friend Zone
Alas, I finally get to discuss the dreaded "friend zone." Some may ask, what is this friend zone?! I have to say that if you are unaware of the friend zone (FZ), you either are or have been a victim of this dreaded affliction. Let me describe the FZ, so that you may truly understand the gravity of the situation.
Every now and again you meet someone (of the opposite sex) that you click with, but aren't really romantically interested in. You might be attracted to them in some way or another, but lack the proper amount of interest necessary to be in a romantic relationship with them. Most people refer to these people as friends. Friends are people you can hang out with, confide in and be yourself around. It's nice to meet someone you can relate to without having the pressure or stress of being romantically involved.
Let's look at the other side of the spectrum, shall we?
Sometimes you meet someone that you are very attracted to, but also have a lot in common with. You can relax, be yourself and not worry about trying to impress this person because he/she accepts you for who you are. You think that there is potential for a romance and hope that through being a "good friend," that a relationship will develop. You often find yourself clinging to the concept of, "the best relationships always evolve from friendships."
Ok, now that I've set the scene for you, I hope that you clearly see that on occasion, two people in a "friendly" relationship often have different intentions for such a relationship. The first simply enjoys the others company, while the second is secretly hoping for a Hollywood ending relationship. As you can see, this is a prime environment for let downs and heart breaks, so I have a list of things to look for so that you may see if you are in the FZ.
5 Warning Signs of the "Friend Zone":
1). You often meet for coffee or to talk
2). When you do meet for a meal, it's for lunch (see also Day Date)
3). You are often called to discuss their current romantic exploits
4). Being referred to as sweet, nice, cuddly, dependable or cute
5). If at any point you find yourself wondering why he/she didn't call/text you back
Every now and again you meet someone (of the opposite sex) that you click with, but aren't really romantically interested in. You might be attracted to them in some way or another, but lack the proper amount of interest necessary to be in a romantic relationship with them. Most people refer to these people as friends. Friends are people you can hang out with, confide in and be yourself around. It's nice to meet someone you can relate to without having the pressure or stress of being romantically involved.
Let's look at the other side of the spectrum, shall we?
Sometimes you meet someone that you are very attracted to, but also have a lot in common with. You can relax, be yourself and not worry about trying to impress this person because he/she accepts you for who you are. You think that there is potential for a romance and hope that through being a "good friend," that a relationship will develop. You often find yourself clinging to the concept of, "the best relationships always evolve from friendships."
Ok, now that I've set the scene for you, I hope that you clearly see that on occasion, two people in a "friendly" relationship often have different intentions for such a relationship. The first simply enjoys the others company, while the second is secretly hoping for a Hollywood ending relationship. As you can see, this is a prime environment for let downs and heart breaks, so I have a list of things to look for so that you may see if you are in the FZ.
5 Warning Signs of the "Friend Zone":
1). You often meet for coffee or to talk
2). When you do meet for a meal, it's for lunch (see also Day Date)
3). You are often called to discuss their current romantic exploits
4). Being referred to as sweet, nice, cuddly, dependable or cute
5). If at any point you find yourself wondering why he/she didn't call/text you back
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Dating: The Interview Process
"What should I wear?"
" I wonder what we'll talk about."
"I hope she's hot."
"I hope he's not boring."
Unfortunately we have all probably made one of these statements prior to going on a date one time or another. More often than not people are quite nervous in the initial stages of dating. Sadly enough, it's part of human nature to want to be accepted, and upon meeting someone new people become weary of being judged harshly. Due to this, we often find ourselves giving canned answers to various questions in fear of being rejected for our true beliefs. Dating has always been somewhat of an interview, but do we pay too much attention to our own expectations and ignore the positive attributes about the person in front of us?! Are our expectations too high prior to a date? Should we even have expectations for a person we barely know?!
I'm not telling you anything new when I say that the biggest problem in both dating and relationships is the human tendency to be insecure. Insecurity brings upon doubt, and with doubt people sometimes long to be something that they think people will want rather than themselves. Sure, there are people who are completely confident in who they are, what they want and where they are going. However, according to People Magazine, 80% of Americans are unsatisfied with how they look and a staggering 90% are afraid of being alone.
Probably the biggest issue with insecurity, is that it occasionally causes people to be dishonest. It's not that these people are "liars" by nature, but the fear of the person across from them rejecting who they truly causes them to bend the truth. NOBODY is immune to the fear of rejection. I repeat, NOBODY!! If you think you are, then you are probably someone who is not only dishonest with others, but with yourself.
Expecting someone to treat you with respect, be polite and hoping that the date will be entertaining is one thing, but expecting to meet Ms. Right or Prince Charming is another. Everyone hopes that a date will be interesting and even fun, but too many of us expect too much too soon. "People want to rush into a relationship and they want it all to work out right away. They become very concerned if the other person doesn't call them quickly or doesn't want to see them with increasing frequency," says JoAnn White, a relationship expert and psychology instructor at Temple University in Philadelphia. Often those expectations are simply unrealistic.
The fact that we even have expectations for a new addition in our lives is silly in itself. Dating by nature is subjecting ones self to a new person and whether you want to believe it or not, new ideals. Going into a date with the expectation of a specific kind of relationship has a tendency to doom the union before it starts. Too often we sabotage our own relationships because of what we expect from other people rather then being honest with ourselves about what WE bring to the table.
" I wonder what we'll talk about."
"I hope she's hot."
"I hope he's not boring."
Unfortunately we have all probably made one of these statements prior to going on a date one time or another. More often than not people are quite nervous in the initial stages of dating. Sadly enough, it's part of human nature to want to be accepted, and upon meeting someone new people become weary of being judged harshly. Due to this, we often find ourselves giving canned answers to various questions in fear of being rejected for our true beliefs. Dating has always been somewhat of an interview, but do we pay too much attention to our own expectations and ignore the positive attributes about the person in front of us?! Are our expectations too high prior to a date? Should we even have expectations for a person we barely know?!
I'm not telling you anything new when I say that the biggest problem in both dating and relationships is the human tendency to be insecure. Insecurity brings upon doubt, and with doubt people sometimes long to be something that they think people will want rather than themselves. Sure, there are people who are completely confident in who they are, what they want and where they are going. However, according to People Magazine, 80% of Americans are unsatisfied with how they look and a staggering 90% are afraid of being alone.
Probably the biggest issue with insecurity, is that it occasionally causes people to be dishonest. It's not that these people are "liars" by nature, but the fear of the person across from them rejecting who they truly causes them to bend the truth. NOBODY is immune to the fear of rejection. I repeat, NOBODY!! If you think you are, then you are probably someone who is not only dishonest with others, but with yourself.
Expecting someone to treat you with respect, be polite and hoping that the date will be entertaining is one thing, but expecting to meet Ms. Right or Prince Charming is another. Everyone hopes that a date will be interesting and even fun, but too many of us expect too much too soon. "People want to rush into a relationship and they want it all to work out right away. They become very concerned if the other person doesn't call them quickly or doesn't want to see them with increasing frequency," says JoAnn White, a relationship expert and psychology instructor at Temple University in Philadelphia. Often those expectations are simply unrealistic.
The fact that we even have expectations for a new addition in our lives is silly in itself. Dating by nature is subjecting ones self to a new person and whether you want to believe it or not, new ideals. Going into a date with the expectation of a specific kind of relationship has a tendency to doom the union before it starts. Too often we sabotage our own relationships because of what we expect from other people rather then being honest with ourselves about what WE bring to the table.
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