Most men are good in articulating that they think, but when it comes to articulating what they feel, they just totally send a different meaning. Decoding a man’s language and knowing what he really wants and can save you a lot of conflicts and confusions. Men often say what they mean, but more often than not don't mean entirely what they say. Men whom are habitual daters are masters at adapting to their surroundings. So if you come across that smooth talking, always say the perfect thing type of guy, chances are his responses are canned.
In hopes of teaching women what to look and watch out for, I'm providing several examples of "What he means when he says...":
What he says: “I think we need to slow down.”
Real message: “You need to slow down, girl.”
What he says: “I’m confused now. I’m not sure what I want.”
Real message: “I don’t want you.”
What he says: “I need some space.”
Real message: “I want to break-up with you, but I don’t know how.”
What he's saying: (In the middle of a sexual act) “I love you”
Real message: “I love that thing you do with your tongue/finger/body right now.”
What he's saying: “You’re really a good person.”
What he means: “I’m sorry, babe but you’re not going to see me again.”
What he's saying: “Let’s be friends.”
What he means: “You are not really my type, but I really think your friend is hot, can you hook me up?”
What he's saying: “We should hang-out sometimes.”
What he means: “I think you’re hot and I want to ask you out, but I’m afraid you’ll say no.”
What he's saying: “I’ll call you.”
What he means: “I may or may not call you at some point between two days and two months from now.”
What he's saying: “That guy seems to be a good friend of yours.”
What he means: “Was there a thing between you and him?”
Friday, August 13, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Signs Your Partner is Pulling the Plug
As people in modern day society, we all have a tendency to either read too much into a situation or not pay enough attention. I know its hard to find that perfect balance on what to take in and what not to, but in order to maintain or dismiss a relationship, one must always be on his or her toes. I think it's safe to assume that most of us have been in that relationship where it wasn't really working out, but we stayed in it because it was comfortable. When in such a relationship, there should be one goal in mind: Dump Them First!!
Sure, it's an immature and childish notion, but lets face it, we all do childish things from time to time. If you're not happy and you don't see a long term future with this person, save yourself time and get a head start on the healing process. Jumping into the freezing water so suddenly will be a shock, but eventually it'll become refreshing. If you were already unhappy you will feel much better. You won't have to spend each day worrying and wondering if you're going to be dumped; you'll have the answer for sure, and can begin to move on.
However, if you aren't sure that you're ready to put an end to such a relationship, and suspect that your partner might be wanting to call it quits, here are some warning signs so that you can get a heads up instead of a nudge out the door...
1) Your Gut Told You - Guts don't talk, you say? Well you're certainly suspicious of something; else you wouldn't be reading this article. Sometimes gut feelings are right.
2) Awkward Phone Conversations - This is usually a dead give-away. If you're used to prolonged, laughter-filled phone calls that could go on for hours and then suddenly your phone calls are barely lasting 5 minutes, maybe they're trying to avoid you. Don't base this off one phone call. You'll notice it in a series of phone calls. If they aren't talkative and barely add anything to the conversation, they might be losing interest in you.
3) "Excuses" - This may be obvious, but if they start the whole "we should take a break", "maybe we should be open to other people" and so on, don't waste your time. It's their way of ending it like a coward. Chances are you won't be hearing from them again.
4) Stupid Arguments - Another give-away. Are they getting mad at you for no logical reason? Taking all their stress out on you? Arguing over ridiculously silly, small things? This isn't always a sign of a break-up. If you're always giving in, being that "nice guy/girl", and agreeing with them all the time, they may be arguing simply to see if you'll stick up for yourself. Sad, but true.
5) Vague Plans - If they're always trying to get out of dates or constantly changing them, this could be a sign that you're becoming less important. If you suggest a future trip or vacation and they only seem vaguely interested, they don't even plan on being with you that long.
Sure, it's an immature and childish notion, but lets face it, we all do childish things from time to time. If you're not happy and you don't see a long term future with this person, save yourself time and get a head start on the healing process. Jumping into the freezing water so suddenly will be a shock, but eventually it'll become refreshing. If you were already unhappy you will feel much better. You won't have to spend each day worrying and wondering if you're going to be dumped; you'll have the answer for sure, and can begin to move on.
However, if you aren't sure that you're ready to put an end to such a relationship, and suspect that your partner might be wanting to call it quits, here are some warning signs so that you can get a heads up instead of a nudge out the door...
1) Your Gut Told You - Guts don't talk, you say? Well you're certainly suspicious of something; else you wouldn't be reading this article. Sometimes gut feelings are right.
2) Awkward Phone Conversations - This is usually a dead give-away. If you're used to prolonged, laughter-filled phone calls that could go on for hours and then suddenly your phone calls are barely lasting 5 minutes, maybe they're trying to avoid you. Don't base this off one phone call. You'll notice it in a series of phone calls. If they aren't talkative and barely add anything to the conversation, they might be losing interest in you.
3) "Excuses" - This may be obvious, but if they start the whole "we should take a break", "maybe we should be open to other people" and so on, don't waste your time. It's their way of ending it like a coward. Chances are you won't be hearing from them again.
4) Stupid Arguments - Another give-away. Are they getting mad at you for no logical reason? Taking all their stress out on you? Arguing over ridiculously silly, small things? This isn't always a sign of a break-up. If you're always giving in, being that "nice guy/girl", and agreeing with them all the time, they may be arguing simply to see if you'll stick up for yourself. Sad, but true.
5) Vague Plans - If they're always trying to get out of dates or constantly changing them, this could be a sign that you're becoming less important. If you suggest a future trip or vacation and they only seem vaguely interested, they don't even plan on being with you that long.
The Trouble With Love
Regardless of our culture, our level of education or economic status, at the depth of all of us are the same desires- to love, to be loved, and to be happy. Of course we could add other desires to this list, like money and wealth and fancy things, but when you drill into these things, the reason for wanting them is so that we can appear more desirable, and will hopefully be loved and accepted.
If love is something so fundamentally important to us, then why is it that we have so many issues and misunderstandings in the area of finding it? I think the answer is simple, that most of us have never been educated in this fundamental area of our development. Chances are, you didn’t grow up with parents who were relationship experts, and we certainly didn’t study relationships in our high school curriculums. For most of us, it’s been an adventure in trial and error and learning through pain and heart-break.
As with material possessions or professional achievements, relationships give our ego a method by which to identify who we are to the outside world. The problem is that we attach so much of our identity to the external appearance of our relationships that we lose touch with the parts of ourselves that are wise and conscious. The attachment to this false identity leads to a feeling of desperation rather than fulfillment. After all, without the relationship, or the job, or whichever other false identity we have chosen, who would we be?
Besides the ego identification, it’s easy to develop a dependency on companionship. That independent person that we once were starts to evaporate. Our mind becomes fogged and as our self-identification begins to attach itself to the other person, unconsciously or consciously, we become afraid to lose that person. We become dependent on that person and fearful of loneliness. Out of our emotional insecurities, we start to become needy and to seek out validation from our partner. So, instead of focusing on the celebration of love and partnership, it becomes a game of how to protect ourselves from loss.
Out of a desire to avoid appearing needy and out of a fear of losing our partner, we start to filter what we say. In doing so, we do not communicate our needs clearly, openly or bravely. We somehow become convinced that our partner will magically know what to do to fulfill our needs. When our needs are not met, we secretly blame the other person and begin to resent them. When we are unhappy, our partner will pick up on the cues, and in turn, secretly resent us, thus starting a vicious cycle in the silent destruction of a romantic partnership.
If love is something so fundamentally important to us, then why is it that we have so many issues and misunderstandings in the area of finding it? I think the answer is simple, that most of us have never been educated in this fundamental area of our development. Chances are, you didn’t grow up with parents who were relationship experts, and we certainly didn’t study relationships in our high school curriculums. For most of us, it’s been an adventure in trial and error and learning through pain and heart-break.
As with material possessions or professional achievements, relationships give our ego a method by which to identify who we are to the outside world. The problem is that we attach so much of our identity to the external appearance of our relationships that we lose touch with the parts of ourselves that are wise and conscious. The attachment to this false identity leads to a feeling of desperation rather than fulfillment. After all, without the relationship, or the job, or whichever other false identity we have chosen, who would we be?
Besides the ego identification, it’s easy to develop a dependency on companionship. That independent person that we once were starts to evaporate. Our mind becomes fogged and as our self-identification begins to attach itself to the other person, unconsciously or consciously, we become afraid to lose that person. We become dependent on that person and fearful of loneliness. Out of our emotional insecurities, we start to become needy and to seek out validation from our partner. So, instead of focusing on the celebration of love and partnership, it becomes a game of how to protect ourselves from loss.
Out of a desire to avoid appearing needy and out of a fear of losing our partner, we start to filter what we say. In doing so, we do not communicate our needs clearly, openly or bravely. We somehow become convinced that our partner will magically know what to do to fulfill our needs. When our needs are not met, we secretly blame the other person and begin to resent them. When we are unhappy, our partner will pick up on the cues, and in turn, secretly resent us, thus starting a vicious cycle in the silent destruction of a romantic partnership.
Deep down, we are all really good people. But this doesn’t mean that any combination of two good people will make a good partnership. There is such thing as a bad fit, and it is okay to admit it. The best fits are ones where the most important values for both people are met. They must have life goals that align with one another and have a mutual attraction, understanding, and level of respect for each other. Both people must be committed to making the partnership their top priority.
Sometimes, even when we realize that our relationship isn’t a good fit, we justify staying in it with what seem like logical reasons. We may feel that we won’t find another person who accepts and loves us as much as the current partner. Or we may be afraid to be alone, so we simply settle by default. Each time we are reminded of the bad fit, we brush it under the rug and distract ourselves with some other thought. We may feel that we are doing a service to the other person by staying in the relationship, but in reality, we are hurting them by not being honest with them and ourselves. And we are accumulating bad feelings and bad energy in our inner space.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Relationship Roller Coaster Ride
A relationship crisis can be an extremely emotional situation, which often is exacerbated by one of the partners entrapping the other on an emotional roller coaster. Generally, this behavior is inadvertent, and is caused by the very self-limiting beliefs that are at the root of the crisis. The fears and insecurities that are generated by these negative beliefs cause patterns of self-sabotaging behavior.
Although the relationship is in crisis some of the necessary emotional needs are being fulfilled, which is why a partner will continue to cling to certain aspects of the relationship. You see, on one hand they cherish and love certain qualities of the relationship, and on the other their own self-limiting beliefs prevent them from moving beyond that point. The following situations are some of the common precursors to the emotional roller coaster:
1) Continuing an affair at their partners expense with the premise that they are getting all of their needs completely fulfilled by two different partners!
2) Leading their partner on verbally, only to end the relationship when their partner gets to close or becomes to intimate.
3) Distancing themselves from their partner because of a fear of intimacy, whereby making an advance only if their partner threatens to end the relationship.
4) Controlling or manipulating their partner as a result of their own fear of abandonment, but using love and affection as a tool to draw their partner back when threatened with the loss of the relationship.
There are many different scenarios that can result in an emotional roller coaster, although all of them will ultimately end in disaster if left unchecked. Supporting and enabling such behavior can and will result in the emotional ride of your life with no end in site! You will not, I repeat you will not save your relationship by allowing such behavior. Sometimes the best thing you can do in a situation like this is just step back!
In the event that your partner has been unfaithful and has refused to cease his behavior, you will be faced with a more difficult situation. In order to end the infidelity roller coaster you will need to demonstrate to your partner that continuing such behavior is unacceptable. However, if your partner has continued with the affair for some time with your adverse consent, it would be nearly impossible to give him an ultimatum without ending the relationship. Therefore, you will need to take a more subtle approach to end this unfaithful roller coaster.
Although the relationship is in crisis some of the necessary emotional needs are being fulfilled, which is why a partner will continue to cling to certain aspects of the relationship. You see, on one hand they cherish and love certain qualities of the relationship, and on the other their own self-limiting beliefs prevent them from moving beyond that point. The following situations are some of the common precursors to the emotional roller coaster:
1) Continuing an affair at their partners expense with the premise that they are getting all of their needs completely fulfilled by two different partners!
2) Leading their partner on verbally, only to end the relationship when their partner gets to close or becomes to intimate.
3) Distancing themselves from their partner because of a fear of intimacy, whereby making an advance only if their partner threatens to end the relationship.
4) Controlling or manipulating their partner as a result of their own fear of abandonment, but using love and affection as a tool to draw their partner back when threatened with the loss of the relationship.
There are many different scenarios that can result in an emotional roller coaster, although all of them will ultimately end in disaster if left unchecked. Supporting and enabling such behavior can and will result in the emotional ride of your life with no end in site! You will not, I repeat you will not save your relationship by allowing such behavior. Sometimes the best thing you can do in a situation like this is just step back!
In the event that your partner has been unfaithful and has refused to cease his behavior, you will be faced with a more difficult situation. In order to end the infidelity roller coaster you will need to demonstrate to your partner that continuing such behavior is unacceptable. However, if your partner has continued with the affair for some time with your adverse consent, it would be nearly impossible to give him an ultimatum without ending the relationship. Therefore, you will need to take a more subtle approach to end this unfaithful roller coaster.
Facebook vs. Your Relationship
As a former Facebook junkie, I can relate to the millions of people who remain fixated on the oober-popular yet obnoxious social network. However, when in a relationship, such a network can have devastating effects and even put an end to the most committed of couples. So if you are one of the people who Facebook stalk and even check status updates on the reg...listen closely!!
One could argue that jealousy is the root of all evil when talking about problems in a relationship. As true as this may be, the chances of one of the participants in the game called a relationship not being jealous at some point or another is slim to none. So now that we've accepted that jealousy is an annoying yet natural part of a romantic union, we can effectively move on to why Facebook has clearly become a problem.
Whether it's a wall post, instant message, message or even a poke, Facebook provides ample opportunity for connections and more importantly flirting with the opposite sex. The very point of a social network is to get as connected as possible within your particular network area, and that is not limited to same sex connections. Sure you have the people who have the "In a relationship with _____" tag, but more often than not the people who are really in a relationship delete the relationship status option all together. If you have to ask why this is, then you should probably stop reading this and go pick up a "Magic Eye" or "Where's Waldo" to consume your time.
When in a relationship with someone, the last thing you want to think about is former flames or hook-ups. Even something as harmless as a friend from work of the opposite sex being added as a friend or writing on your partners wall can create unnecessary conflict. Regardless of what "trusting" people may say, such a connection or action will cause jealous thoughts to cloud the mind. But, the question is why, knowing what Facebook does to our own relationships, do we continue to be obsessed with such a network?
The problems with relationships and Facebook are clear and plentiful, but there is a solution to the problem. Get off one or the other!!! If you're in a relationship and still fixated on Facebook and have a desire to either flirt with new friends or keep in touch with an old flame, odds are you aren't really ready to be in a relationship. However, if you are one of the few young people who are mature enough to handle an adult relationship, then cut the bullshit and stop being a Facebook stalker or addict. Don't even get me started on Mob Wars or Farmville, because such a topic would cause a rant comparable to none.
So even though I support such networks as hobbies, I don't think its the best atmosphere in which to participate in a sincere committed relationship. Do you have to choose between one or the other?! Of course not! But you are going to have to decide either to brush off those jealous thoughts that often consume us, or accept the fact that your significant other will occasionally "facebook flirt" with an old flame or new friend...
One could argue that jealousy is the root of all evil when talking about problems in a relationship. As true as this may be, the chances of one of the participants in the game called a relationship not being jealous at some point or another is slim to none. So now that we've accepted that jealousy is an annoying yet natural part of a romantic union, we can effectively move on to why Facebook has clearly become a problem.
Whether it's a wall post, instant message, message or even a poke, Facebook provides ample opportunity for connections and more importantly flirting with the opposite sex. The very point of a social network is to get as connected as possible within your particular network area, and that is not limited to same sex connections. Sure you have the people who have the "In a relationship with _____" tag, but more often than not the people who are really in a relationship delete the relationship status option all together. If you have to ask why this is, then you should probably stop reading this and go pick up a "Magic Eye" or "Where's Waldo" to consume your time.
When in a relationship with someone, the last thing you want to think about is former flames or hook-ups. Even something as harmless as a friend from work of the opposite sex being added as a friend or writing on your partners wall can create unnecessary conflict. Regardless of what "trusting" people may say, such a connection or action will cause jealous thoughts to cloud the mind. But, the question is why, knowing what Facebook does to our own relationships, do we continue to be obsessed with such a network?
The problems with relationships and Facebook are clear and plentiful, but there is a solution to the problem. Get off one or the other!!! If you're in a relationship and still fixated on Facebook and have a desire to either flirt with new friends or keep in touch with an old flame, odds are you aren't really ready to be in a relationship. However, if you are one of the few young people who are mature enough to handle an adult relationship, then cut the bullshit and stop being a Facebook stalker or addict. Don't even get me started on Mob Wars or Farmville, because such a topic would cause a rant comparable to none.
So even though I support such networks as hobbies, I don't think its the best atmosphere in which to participate in a sincere committed relationship. Do you have to choose between one or the other?! Of course not! But you are going to have to decide either to brush off those jealous thoughts that often consume us, or accept the fact that your significant other will occasionally "facebook flirt" with an old flame or new friend...
Monday, August 9, 2010
Body Language
Things done subconsciously play the key role in man-woman relationship and often are the determining factor in how they perceive each other. First impression is the strongest and most long lasting – experts say it only takes little less than two to four minutes to arrive at a decision whether one likes a person or not.
Body language is hugely responsible for all impressions we make on other people. For this reason body language and flirting are absolutely inseparable from each other.The way somebody walks or stands may leave a great impression on other person. People tend to make snap judgments about others, so body language and flirting can be interwoven intricately. Since the body does the talking and also the flirting, one may be able to judge whether a person is flirting or not by studying these signs.Understanding body language is not so simple, and it should not be judged by only one thing. One should not jump into conclusions too fast.
There are certain signals given off by a person, and knowing these body language and flirting signs, one may be able to judge whether someone is flirting or not. The first signal one should look at is the flirting triangle or when people that are not too well known to each other, move their eyes in a zigzag motion. The body language in a flirtatious situation will see the eyes widening at the bottom to include the body as well as the face. Intense flirting will often result in eye to eye contact as well as looking long and hard at the mouth.Mirroring a person’s behavior is another body language and flirting sign that means that there is quite a bit of attraction involved, since it implies being at the same level of attraction. One more body language and flirting sign is when someone raises their eyebrows and lets them fall. If a person is flirting, he or she would also raise the eyebrows in return. Be sure to catch this sign as it usually is only fleeting, lasting a bare fifth of a second!Another body language and flirting signal indicating that one person is attracted to another is their body pointing in the direction of the person to whom they are attracted. Pointing one’s body in the direction of another is a subtle way of communicating strong attraction, and the other person may take the hint. Blinking is one more body language and flirting sign: if a person likes another, he or she will generally try to match the other’s blink rate and keep in sync with it, which is both fun as well as increases the attraction for the other.However, one should never jump into conclusions or misinterpret body language and flirting signs.
The best thing to do in order to avoid mistakes is to look for grouped behavior patterns which together add up to being a signal that a person is indeed attracted and is actually flirting.
Body language is hugely responsible for all impressions we make on other people. For this reason body language and flirting are absolutely inseparable from each other.The way somebody walks or stands may leave a great impression on other person. People tend to make snap judgments about others, so body language and flirting can be interwoven intricately. Since the body does the talking and also the flirting, one may be able to judge whether a person is flirting or not by studying these signs.Understanding body language is not so simple, and it should not be judged by only one thing. One should not jump into conclusions too fast.
There are certain signals given off by a person, and knowing these body language and flirting signs, one may be able to judge whether someone is flirting or not. The first signal one should look at is the flirting triangle or when people that are not too well known to each other, move their eyes in a zigzag motion. The body language in a flirtatious situation will see the eyes widening at the bottom to include the body as well as the face. Intense flirting will often result in eye to eye contact as well as looking long and hard at the mouth.Mirroring a person’s behavior is another body language and flirting sign that means that there is quite a bit of attraction involved, since it implies being at the same level of attraction. One more body language and flirting sign is when someone raises their eyebrows and lets them fall. If a person is flirting, he or she would also raise the eyebrows in return. Be sure to catch this sign as it usually is only fleeting, lasting a bare fifth of a second!Another body language and flirting signal indicating that one person is attracted to another is their body pointing in the direction of the person to whom they are attracted. Pointing one’s body in the direction of another is a subtle way of communicating strong attraction, and the other person may take the hint. Blinking is one more body language and flirting sign: if a person likes another, he or she will generally try to match the other’s blink rate and keep in sync with it, which is both fun as well as increases the attraction for the other.However, one should never jump into conclusions or misinterpret body language and flirting signs.
The best thing to do in order to avoid mistakes is to look for grouped behavior patterns which together add up to being a signal that a person is indeed attracted and is actually flirting.
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