Everyone talks about people getting married for the right reasons, but perhaps there is an equal need to understand the wrong reasons so that we can avoid these. We are all aware how high the divorce rates are and how expensive this can be emotionally and financially. Therefore, any information that can help us make sure we are not making a decision for the wrong reasons could prove to be beneficial. The following are some of the reasons that should be not used for a trip down the aisle.
Loneliness is often a reason chosen for getting married. People in this situation will often grasp at the first person who shows an interest in them and try to whisk this saviour down the aisle, just so that they do not have to face the future on their own. However, what is not realized is that, in an environment where two people are living together and have nothing in common, nor an emotional bond, the loneliness can be even worse
This next bad reason is a classic. How often have we heard people say "he / she will change when we are married." Wrong! People will only change if they are willing to do so. The fact that they are married will not necessarily bring about a change. In many cases they will see another person's willingness to marry them as condoning of their current behaviour and continue in the same vein after the marriage. You cannot improve a relationship or make it any safer or secure by tying it into marriage. Marriage is about both being committed, not one imprisoning the other.
Believe it or not there are even people who want to get married simply because they have always dreamed of a big wedding day and do not want to be denied this. One day does not make a lifetime of happiness and commitment, no matter how spectacular that day might be. Splendour does not make emotions or love grow if they are not there in the first place. A further example of this sort of wrong reason is getting married for money. Although money can do a number of things for you, it cannot buy happiness and, what's more essential to realize is that it cannot buy love.
Marrying for the wrong reasons will invariably end in disaster, unless you are fortunate and able to find the right reasons work for you two very quickly. Two important people's lives, you and your partner's will possibly have been ruined simply because you did not stop and ask yourselves whether you are making this commitment for the right reasons.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Let it go...
Although we learn from the past, it influences our future by making us weary of taking risks. I'm sure most of us have had our share of bad experiences and have sworn that we would never get hurt again. Women rip photographs of their boyfriends when their men upset them. Remember that picture the two of you took on your one-year anniversary? That's right the half where you once stood is now at the bottom of her trashcan. You don't need to be told that men and women react differently to heartache, but one thing will never change: the ultimate vow that this will never happen again.
No one can undermine the pain and frustration felt when a lover breaks your heart. Heartache is the worst and shouldn't be bestowed upon even your worst enemy. While getting back into the game of dating and relationships after a past relationship seems frightening, it also serves the purpose of meeting new people to get your mind off the past. But the "past" never seems to leave for good and creeps up from the woodwork once you decide to become close with someone new. Do you really want to give all the women who have hurt you the satisfaction of tainting your love life for good? Absolutely not!
It's safe to say that the men who are sweet and open have not been burned before. They are ready to open up to their partner, be honest with their feelings and don't see the risks in expressing their emotions. When a man has been burned in the past, he is too scared to wear his heart on his sleeve, lest he lose his guard and become vulnerable by expressing his emotions to his new partner. Showing his emotions puts him on the line; a fighter with no weapons and no army behind him. He is defenseless, facing the army of women who stand fully armed.
The worst thing that you can possibly do is become too afraid and too macho to act naturally in a new relationship. As I said before, everyone has some sort of baggage, but it's up to us to put our pasts aside and move on. If we don't, we'll all fall victim to a vicious cycle in which one person is hurt and refuses to trust the next. While this person will, in turn, make the other person not trust him.We may have been hurt in the past, but the past can also be remembered for its happy moments. That's the kind of baggage you should take with you on your next trip to "relationship land".
No one can undermine the pain and frustration felt when a lover breaks your heart. Heartache is the worst and shouldn't be bestowed upon even your worst enemy. While getting back into the game of dating and relationships after a past relationship seems frightening, it also serves the purpose of meeting new people to get your mind off the past. But the "past" never seems to leave for good and creeps up from the woodwork once you decide to become close with someone new. Do you really want to give all the women who have hurt you the satisfaction of tainting your love life for good? Absolutely not!
It's safe to say that the men who are sweet and open have not been burned before. They are ready to open up to their partner, be honest with their feelings and don't see the risks in expressing their emotions. When a man has been burned in the past, he is too scared to wear his heart on his sleeve, lest he lose his guard and become vulnerable by expressing his emotions to his new partner. Showing his emotions puts him on the line; a fighter with no weapons and no army behind him. He is defenseless, facing the army of women who stand fully armed.
The worst thing that you can possibly do is become too afraid and too macho to act naturally in a new relationship. As I said before, everyone has some sort of baggage, but it's up to us to put our pasts aside and move on. If we don't, we'll all fall victim to a vicious cycle in which one person is hurt and refuses to trust the next. While this person will, in turn, make the other person not trust him.We may have been hurt in the past, but the past can also be remembered for its happy moments. That's the kind of baggage you should take with you on your next trip to "relationship land".
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Sex can wait...or can it?
(for the women of the world)
How long should you wait before having sex? Should you give in to the desires? Should you indulge in the physical act right at the start of your relation or should you hold off? Every woman goes through this dilemma. Sex is an important factor of a relationship between a man and a woman. But how does one know that it is NOT THE ONLY driving factor.
Women feel that they can hold on to their men if there is sex. If you think that your man will not desert you if you have sex with him, you are sadly mistaken. You need to evaluate yourself. Can your relationship survive if you hold off sex? If YES, then you have a mature and strong relation. If NO, then it is based only on sex.
Ladies, you need to be clear about your priorities. Are you interested in having a fling? If you are looking for casual sex, then you will have plenty suitors. But if you want a committed relationship, it is better that you wait till you are ready. You have to decide that for yourself. If you decide to wait, you are in a better position than other women. Firstly, you come across only those guys who are serious about you. Others who just want a fling, are automatically excluded. Secondly, if you wait for the right moment, you connect not just physically but also emotionally.
And that is more important.
Holding off sex can prove beneficial in many ways. You are able to understand each other. You bond well with each other. Your relationship grows stronger if you connect well. And you know for SURE that it is not based only on sex.
How long should you wait before having sex? Should you give in to the desires? Should you indulge in the physical act right at the start of your relation or should you hold off? Every woman goes through this dilemma. Sex is an important factor of a relationship between a man and a woman. But how does one know that it is NOT THE ONLY driving factor.
Women feel that they can hold on to their men if there is sex. If you think that your man will not desert you if you have sex with him, you are sadly mistaken. You need to evaluate yourself. Can your relationship survive if you hold off sex? If YES, then you have a mature and strong relation. If NO, then it is based only on sex.
Ladies, you need to be clear about your priorities. Are you interested in having a fling? If you are looking for casual sex, then you will have plenty suitors. But if you want a committed relationship, it is better that you wait till you are ready. You have to decide that for yourself. If you decide to wait, you are in a better position than other women. Firstly, you come across only those guys who are serious about you. Others who just want a fling, are automatically excluded. Secondly, if you wait for the right moment, you connect not just physically but also emotionally.
And that is more important.
Holding off sex can prove beneficial in many ways. You are able to understand each other. You bond well with each other. Your relationship grows stronger if you connect well. And you know for SURE that it is not based only on sex.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Don't Over Analyze!!!
Some things we can take for granted in life such as the job we have, the house we live in and our families. This is especially true of people who are in long relationships, one can get caught up in the routine that they have expectations or have feelings of incompleteness that may not exist truly, but just are a symptom of not stepping back and looking at all that you truly have. One such example is that there are many facets to a relationship, these include but are not limited to: Friendship, Support, Love, Attraction...etc
If you find yourself lacking or thinking something is missing, then focus on everything that your relationship does have and then devise a conclusion like this: Am I just being picky, or is there something really wrong? Is there something I can do to alleviate how I feel about the situation? Remember it is easier to blame and point at others, but many issues can often develop and be caused by ones own self.
My point is if you take your relationship as a whole and have few complaints about a few issues, then this is the nature of a good and healthy relationship. Don't over analyze your relationship to death, and don't expect that you will be happy with 100% of the relationship, 100% of the time. People are people and relationships are give and take and you get out of them what you put into them for the most part, so instead of expecting anything, put more effort into the relationship and talk with your partner about how you are feeling.
If you find yourself lacking or thinking something is missing, then focus on everything that your relationship does have and then devise a conclusion like this: Am I just being picky, or is there something really wrong? Is there something I can do to alleviate how I feel about the situation? Remember it is easier to blame and point at others, but many issues can often develop and be caused by ones own self.
My point is if you take your relationship as a whole and have few complaints about a few issues, then this is the nature of a good and healthy relationship. Don't over analyze your relationship to death, and don't expect that you will be happy with 100% of the relationship, 100% of the time. People are people and relationships are give and take and you get out of them what you put into them for the most part, so instead of expecting anything, put more effort into the relationship and talk with your partner about how you are feeling.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Room to Grow...
A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good relationships improve your life in all aspects, strengthening your health, your mind and your connections with others as well. However, it can also be one of the greatest drains if the relationship is not working. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you get back. Love and relationships take work, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and change through life as a team. Learn about ways to keep a healthy relationship strong, or work on repairing trust and love for a relationship on the rocks.
You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming up with a new, exciting thing to try. However, as time goes by, children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other obligations can make it hard to find time together. It’s critical for your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.
Couples are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress and work through issues more easily. Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing.
It’s also important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page. Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.
If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise. However, it takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.
You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming up with a new, exciting thing to try. However, as time goes by, children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other obligations can make it hard to find time together. It’s critical for your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.
Couples are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress and work through issues more easily. Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing.
It’s also important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page. Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.
If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise. However, it takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.
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