Serial Daters

When I say "Serial Dater," some may automatically think taht this term is synonymous with the term "player." However, though I do agree that there are some striking similarities, there are several fundamental differences between the two.

The serial dater (ostensibly) has in mind establishing a serious relationship eventually, while the “player” has no such intention. The classic serial dater wants to be in a serious or long term relationship, but has a difficulty committing to a relationship, has intimacy issues, or has unrealistic standards in their love partners. Often, the serial dater is a romantic looking for “Mr. Right” or “Ms. Right”, but their dates continually come up short of this ideal.

Of course, there’s the chance that a person termed a serial dater is actually just a player, but for psychological or tactical reasons, chooses to identify themselves or portray themselves as something more like a serial dater.

Because many tv sitcoms depict serial daters for the sake of having a replenish-able source of comic situations, there’s a certain cultural charm and romance in the comic allure of the person who wants to settle down, but is unlucky in love, either because of their own quirks or the eccentricity of the people around them. Trying to have a dynamic social life is also a reason a person might become a serial dater, as they have their flavor of the week or flavor of the month.

The serial dater might be a person who is just perpetually in love, or “in love with the idea of being in love”. This is a centuries-old phenomenon, much like the Romeo character at the beginning of “Romeo & Juliet”. Some people enjoys the feeling of “falling in love”, only to have their high hopes, naive assumptions, or romantic illusions be disappointed upon getting to know the object of their affection a little better. As the old saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt.

One should not view the serial dater as fitting into just the “player in hiding” or the “lovable lover” archetypes. There might be longstanding psychological reasons or defense mechanisms at work that explain why a person is a serial dater. To begin with, men and women involved in serial dating tend to be gregarious personalities and extroverts who draw energy from time spent with other people, and who feel the need to have constant companionship and affirmation.

Serial daters often fill their various needs from several parallel relationships, instead of inside one serious relationship. In the age of online dating, one can see how serial dating and Internet dating go hand-in-hand (in many cases). There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as both sides of the relationship are honest about their intentions, as well as about their past history of short term relationships.

In dating and relationships, sins of omission are often as serious as lies. Players tend to omit their life as a player, which is one of the definitions of being a player. So if you want to be a serial dater, let the people in your life know that serial dating is your lifestyle, or “problem”, or however it is you look at this part of your life. Otherwise, good luck finding what you’re searching for.