Ok ladies, I know you probably find it offensive and ridiculous that you or any of your piers would fall for such a routine, but unfortunately most of you have or will fall for the "Good Guy, Bad Boy" stunt at some point in your dating lives. Some women don't even know such a act exists, which many men know and take advantage of on a regular basis. So for the uneducated or naive women of the world, allow me to divulge the definition of the "routine."
The idea behind the routine is that two men, typically good looking, begin a conversation with a group of women out of thin air. Usually the initial talking points have nothing to do with hooking up and somewhat disarms the ladies of the group. After a while, one of the guys will begin making slightly obnoxious comments about either his lack of respect for the female gender or just a simple poke at the idea of having non-committal "relations" with one of the girls in the group. Enter the "Nice Guy." This guy plays it cool by apologizing for his friend and coming across as the mature, more ready for a relationship type of guy. He usually will pick out the girl who responds negatively to his friend the "Bad Boy" as his target and will focus on her the rest of the evening. Now that the "Nice Guy" his clearly picked out which of the group he will focus on, this leaves the rest of the group open to being targeted by the "Bad Boy."
As you can see the act worked in the favor of both the "Nice Guy" and the "Bad Boy" as the odds are in their favor of either a hook-up or a hang-out at a later date. Not all men use this tactic, as some find it unnecessary to trick a woman into a date or hooking up. However, for many men, this is part of the excitement of dating in general. The hunt, the catch, the potential for either excitement or coming home empty handed. Is it immature and slightly pathetic!? GOD YES!!
But don't most men fall under one of those categories to begin with...
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The Importance of Listening
Being a great listener can win you friends, improve your marriage, boost your business profits or advance your career. It can make people feel so good about being with you that they'll literally follow you anywhere. Contrary to what you may have been lead to believe, listening is an incredibly complex skill to master. There's so much going on that doesn't meet the eye, that it's silly to even try to cover the subject in just a few short pages.
Listening involves not just accurately hearing what people say, but getting a sense of who they are, how they view life, what they want to accomplish, what concerns they have, what they're afraid of, how they're feeling, what they want from you, and more. It even involves "listening" to what people aren't directly saying, or what they might be too reluctant to say, or what they definitely don't want you to do in response to their communications. In order to become a very good listener, we can't just stop with hearing the words people say. We've got to attend to many other details and many other dimensions that don't meet the eye, but that are crucial nonetheless.
When people speak, they always reveal their deepest thoughts, ambitions, and concerns. Most of the time, neither the speaker, nor the listener, pick up on these subtle, underlying issues...but they are always there. Good listeners, on the other hand, frequently attend to these background, unspoken emotions and concerns. And when they "hear" them and empathize with them (either verbally or nonverbally) the speaker often remarks "Boy, you really know how I feel" or "Gee, you really understand exactly what's going on with me."
You can't be a good listener if you don't understand human beings. And I mean really understand human beings. How do you obtain this wisdom? I really don't know (it's probably part luck, part hard work and dedication, and part finding the right teachers or mentors). But you know what? When somebody's got it, you can tell in an instant. Thus, the wiser you become about life in general, the better a listener you invariably will be. No matter how many technical communication skills you master, if you don't have extensive wisdom about people, you won't come across as truly understanding them.
Many people fall prey to negative thinking and feelings. When they communicate with others, these negative states come through, and they may even want others to sympathize with them and agree with their negative points of view. You can listen to people communicate about a tragedy with a great deal of compassion. But you also can listen optimistically and with positive human regard for their inner strengths and human capabilities. Sometimes people are so entrenched in their negativism of the moment that they fail to focus on their positive human traits. As a listener, however, you can remind them of this positivity, provided you do it with tact, timing and sensitivity.
Translation: Stop talking, Start Listening!!
Listening involves not just accurately hearing what people say, but getting a sense of who they are, how they view life, what they want to accomplish, what concerns they have, what they're afraid of, how they're feeling, what they want from you, and more. It even involves "listening" to what people aren't directly saying, or what they might be too reluctant to say, or what they definitely don't want you to do in response to their communications. In order to become a very good listener, we can't just stop with hearing the words people say. We've got to attend to many other details and many other dimensions that don't meet the eye, but that are crucial nonetheless.
When people speak, they always reveal their deepest thoughts, ambitions, and concerns. Most of the time, neither the speaker, nor the listener, pick up on these subtle, underlying issues...but they are always there. Good listeners, on the other hand, frequently attend to these background, unspoken emotions and concerns. And when they "hear" them and empathize with them (either verbally or nonverbally) the speaker often remarks "Boy, you really know how I feel" or "Gee, you really understand exactly what's going on with me."
You can't be a good listener if you don't understand human beings. And I mean really understand human beings. How do you obtain this wisdom? I really don't know (it's probably part luck, part hard work and dedication, and part finding the right teachers or mentors). But you know what? When somebody's got it, you can tell in an instant. Thus, the wiser you become about life in general, the better a listener you invariably will be. No matter how many technical communication skills you master, if you don't have extensive wisdom about people, you won't come across as truly understanding them.
Many people fall prey to negative thinking and feelings. When they communicate with others, these negative states come through, and they may even want others to sympathize with them and agree with their negative points of view. You can listen to people communicate about a tragedy with a great deal of compassion. But you also can listen optimistically and with positive human regard for their inner strengths and human capabilities. Sometimes people are so entrenched in their negativism of the moment that they fail to focus on their positive human traits. As a listener, however, you can remind them of this positivity, provided you do it with tact, timing and sensitivity.
Translation: Stop talking, Start Listening!!
Monday, October 18, 2010
I.G.S.
Insecure Girl Syndrome - The act of being insecure (typically a woman) in regards to a boyfriend, relationship or potential partner. See also extreme lack of confidence.
I'm sure different people have different names for such a disorder or maybe don't even believe in such a disorder exists. But I have news for the doubters of the world, it is mightily prevalent throughout the dating realm. I'm also well aware that such a disease doesn't only exist in women, but let's be honest, the chances of contracting the disorder are significantly higher for women that men. Now that I've made my slightly sexist/shovanistic comment, I suppose I should move on.
I'm sure different people have different names for such a disorder or maybe don't even believe in such a disorder exists. But I have news for the doubters of the world, it is mightily prevalent throughout the dating realm. I'm also well aware that such a disease doesn't only exist in women, but let's be honest, the chances of contracting the disorder are significantly higher for women that men. Now that I've made my slightly sexist/shovanistic comment, I suppose I should move on.
The affliction itself is hard not to contract at some point over the course of a relationship for both men and women largely because more often than not, one party is more interested, at least at first, than the other. This leads to one side putting in more into the relationship in hopes of creating a similar enchantment in his/her partner through such efforts. Unfortunately, this ultimately just pushes the other party even farther away as they view they now see the person as clingy or needy.
So as you can see, the above example of what IGS does to a relationship is quite a recipe for disaster. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who don't battle the symptoms of IGS, and usually these types have longer lasting relationships than those who fall victim to the dreaded disease. However, as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, people will remain insecure about finding someone to spend their lives with. And coincidentally, insecurity is the # 1 cause of the relationship killer, I.G.S.
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