What Do I Want?!

In my humble opinion, the most important part of the maturation process in every aspect of life is figuring out not only what you want, but how you intend on getting it. We all have dreams, but the difference between fantasy and reality is those who know what they have to sacrifice in order to get what they want. The dream of finding someone to spend your life with is no different than dreaming of getting a great job or buying your "dream car." However, many people approach it differently in that they think that their special someone will just appear out of nowhere, or fate will decide whether or not they will find the man/woman of their dreams.

I hate to break it to you, but most of the successful people in the world didn't become that way by playing the waiting game...


So now that I've discussed how important it is to get off your ass and find your own happiness, allow me to enlighten you on the hardest part of finding what it is you want. Chances are, once you get it, you aren't going to want nearly as bad. And eventually, will begin to lose interest. So am I saying that it's impossible to find what you're looking for and be satisfied?! Not at all. Am I saying that what we want will always evolve, because something new will come along that catches our eye. The key is finding contentment in what we have so that we don't allow our happiness to be dependent on the instant gratification that comes with finding someone new or "better."

I am more guilty than most of always looking for "greener pastures," and it's something I'll have to overcome in order to find true happiness. It isn't easy being content with what we have in a society that constantly pushes products, lifestyles and reality T.V. to make us feel inadequate in regards to our own lives. But the truth is that there are people that look up to the way we live as individuals and wish they had our lives. Perhaps if we realized that we were the object of other peoples envy, we would truly appreciate the lives we had and in turn be content with whom we are spending it with.

Relationships vs Relation"shits"

Attraction must be put into consideration when talking about a romantic relationship. You cannot love someone you are not attracted to, and the first attraction of women towards Men is in a different way to that of Men towards women. Most Men are first attracted to Women by the way they look. Interestingly enough, serious Ladies seek for Human qualities and not the physical beauty of a man, concentration on the personality and behavioral qualities that would make a flitting match for their personality.

Women derive delight and pleasure on a deeper level. This ever so complicated process takes more soul and emotional communication with her partner. Sexual satisfaction for most women does not solely come in a physical form. Women require emotional nurture and need to count on affection and understanding from the partner. Therefore, while the physical counts a lot on the first attraction of a man towards a woman, the physical is totally irrelevant for the woman.

Most often, it is not our fault when a bad relationship happens or a good relationship ends in a bad note, in which more of the ladies innocently fall victims than the Men. How?

The man easily gets physically attracted to the woman (only on few occasions do the reverse occur) and the man could as well easily fake factors of attraction towards him. For example, a woman loves a well- dressed, polite, gentle and very Humble Man. These qualities can easily be faked and patiently maintained for a certain period of time by any interested man, just to ensure he has her to himself. But as for the woman, how can she pretend to be tall, busty and curvy just to get a man who has such taste, which is the direct opposite of what she is? In general, lustful driven acquaintances are mostly triggered by the men.

The point is some relationships which end badly are as a result of a planned intention even before they get started and a large percentage of this situation is well executed by the Men. He sees what he likes and then strategizes on how to get what he wants. Love at first sight rarely ever exists and relationships built on Love are not a one day or one sight process. Gradual growth propelled by building blocks of trust, responsibilities, patience and other good virtues is the key.

Desperation Dating

Are you falling for your date? Fine, but please don't be a desperate dater!!! Yes, you simply adore your date and would love to take the relationship to the next level, but do not ever be a desperate dater. If you are acting desperate, then you will surely end up harming your relationship in the long term. If on the other hand your partner appears desperate, then take note of this and ask yourself why he or she is being so desperate. Is this because the person is in love with you all too soon, or is it because the person has a history of several broken relationships, or perhaps it is just a case of low self confidence and esteem.


Here are 5 Not To's in the Desperate Dating World:

1) Never go out on last minute notices - Perhaps your date has called up just now and asked you to go out in 10 minutes. Say ‘No’. However instead of flatly refusing, say that you are too busy right now, and propose an alternative date. This is important because if you agree, even if you are free, this might set the wrong expectation and you may be taken for granted. Never let this happen. Set things straight on what can and what cannot happen early on in your relationship.

2) Never forget your friends - Those who are really desperate often drop friends because they fear that friends might come in the way, or worst case, one of them might steal their date. This is not acceptable. Friendship is a noble thing and you must never forget your true friends for anyone. A date and a friend are two different people, and one must not come in the other’s way.

3) Those who are desperate need to be reassured always - You will find many people who are so low in confidence that they need to be comforted and reassured always, and this can come into dating too. Though the two of you are advancing steadily in the relationship stage by stage, your date might try to hurry things up. Or if the two of you are firmly committed, your date might keep asking you once in a while how much you love him/her, and similar other questions. You are sure to feel weary after a while.

4) Does the person seem to cling on? - People who are really desperate are tending to feel insecure. As a result they end up asking prying questions such as who attended that party last night, who sits next to you in office and others like this. Is the person trying to hold on too tightly? This approach never works over the long term.

5) Is the person trying to justify bad treatment? - Perhaps the two of you had a fight which is quite natural in any relationship. Perhaps you lost your head and said some bad things. Your date surely has the right to be aggrieved if you did. Perhaps you might even be feeling bad about it once you have cooled down. But does it seem that your date is going overboard trying to justify your actions? If yes, the person is sure enough desperate. Overall desperate dater will always take lot of gruff and accept poor treatment.

Good Guy, Bad Boy Routine

Ok ladies, I know you probably find it offensive and ridiculous that you or any of your piers would fall for such a routine, but unfortunately most of you have or will fall for the "Good Guy, Bad Boy" stunt at some point in your dating lives. Some women don't even know such a act exists, which many men know and take advantage of on a regular basis. So for the uneducated or naive women of the world, allow me to divulge the definition of the "routine."

The idea behind the routine is that two men, typically good looking, begin a conversation with a group of women out of thin air. Usually the initial talking points have nothing to do with hooking up and somewhat disarms the ladies of the group. After a while, one of the guys will begin making slightly obnoxious comments about either his lack of respect for the female gender or just a simple poke at the idea of having non-committal "relations" with one of the girls in the group. Enter the "Nice Guy." This guy plays it cool by apologizing for his friend and coming across as the mature, more ready for a relationship type of guy. He usually will pick out the girl who responds negatively to his friend the "Bad Boy" as his target and will focus on her the rest of the evening. Now that the "Nice Guy" his clearly picked out which of the group he will focus on, this leaves the rest of the group open to being targeted by the "Bad Boy."

As you can see the act worked in the favor of both the "Nice Guy" and the "Bad Boy" as the odds are in their favor of either a hook-up or a hang-out at a later date. Not all men use this tactic, as some find it unnecessary to trick a woman into a date or hooking up. However, for many men, this is part of the excitement of dating in general. The hunt, the catch, the potential for either excitement or coming home empty handed. Is it immature and slightly pathetic!? GOD YES!!


But don't most men fall under one of those categories to begin with...

The Importance of Listening

Being a great listener can win you friends, improve your marriage, boost your business profits or advance your career. It can make people feel so good about being with you that they'll literally follow you anywhere. Contrary to what you may have been lead to believe, listening is an incredibly complex skill to master. There's so much going on that doesn't meet the eye, that it's silly to even try to cover the subject in just a few short pages.

Listening involves not just accurately hearing what people say, but getting a sense of who they are, how they view life, what they want to accomplish, what concerns they have, what they're afraid of, how they're feeling, what they want from you, and more. It even involves "listening" to what people aren't directly saying, or what they might be too reluctant to say, or what they definitely don't want you to do in response to their communications. In order to become a very good listener, we can't just stop with hearing the words people say. We've got to attend to many other details and many other dimensions that don't meet the eye, but that are crucial nonetheless.

When people speak, they always reveal their deepest thoughts, ambitions, and concerns. Most of the time, neither the speaker, nor the listener, pick up on these subtle, underlying issues...but they are always there. Good listeners, on the other hand, frequently attend to these background, unspoken emotions and concerns. And when they "hear" them and empathize with them (either verbally or nonverbally) the speaker often remarks "Boy, you really know how I feel" or "Gee, you really understand exactly what's going on with me."

You can't be a good listener if you don't understand human beings. And I mean really understand human beings. How do you obtain this wisdom? I really don't know (it's probably part luck, part hard work and dedication, and part finding the right teachers or mentors). But you know what? When somebody's got it, you can tell in an instant. Thus, the wiser you become about life in general, the better a listener you invariably will be. No matter how many technical communication skills you master, if you don't have extensive wisdom about people, you won't come across as truly understanding them.

Many people fall prey to negative thinking and feelings. When they communicate with others, these negative states come through, and they may even want others to sympathize with them and agree with their negative points of view. You can listen to people communicate about a tragedy with a great deal of compassion. But you also can listen optimistically and with positive human regard for their inner strengths and human capabilities. Sometimes people are so entrenched in their negativism of the moment that they fail to focus on their positive human traits. As a listener, however, you can remind them of this positivity, provided you do it with tact, timing and sensitivity.

Translation: Stop talking, Start Listening!!

I.G.S.

Insecure Girl Syndrome - The act of being insecure (typically a woman) in regards to a boyfriend, relationship or potential partner. See also extreme lack of confidence.


I'm sure different people have different names for such a disorder or maybe don't even believe in such a disorder exists. But I have news for the doubters of the world, it is mightily prevalent throughout the dating realm. I'm also well aware that such a disease doesn't only exist in women, but let's be honest, the chances of contracting the disorder are significantly higher for women that men. Now that I've made my slightly sexist/shovanistic comment, I suppose I should move on.

The affliction itself is hard not to contract at some point over the course of a relationship for both men and women largely because more often than not, one party is more interested, at least at first, than the other. This leads to one side putting in more into the relationship in hopes of creating a similar enchantment in his/her partner through such efforts. Unfortunately, this ultimately just pushes the other party even farther away as they view they now see the person as clingy or needy.

So as you can see, the above example of what IGS does to a relationship is quite a recipe for disaster. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who don't battle the symptoms of IGS, and usually these types have longer lasting relationships than those who fall victim to the dreaded disease. However, as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, people will remain insecure about finding someone to spend their lives with. And coincidentally, insecurity is the # 1 cause of the relationship killer, I.G.S.

Boredom

Every relationship faces it. Boredom. Everyday is pretty much the same. You and your partner take each other for granted. Sex has become routine. You no longer catch yourself having warm fuzzy feelings about your partner and dreaming up ways to make them happy. Instead your priorities have shifted to work, the kids, money, or what you'll get mom for Christmas. When and where it started, you're not sure. One day you wake up and it occurs to you that your sex life is boring. You may even blame your partner. The cute coworker may have caught your eye and now your wondering why your partner can't give you that kind of attention. Ok, you recognize the symptoms but how do you fix it?

The thing that separates your relationship with your partner from every other relationship is sex. It therefore stands to reason that the way to revive your relationship is through sex. Consider it as playtime between you and your partner. Not only should it be satisfying, it should also be fun. Here are the steps that will help bring some fun back into your sex life.

Never reach the point where you are not touching each other. Touch, whether erotic or not, is crucial to keeping your relationship on track. Again, this is not a relationship that you want to be like others in your life. One or both of you will end up cheating. Cheating often stems from boredom with the relationship. Do not give into this urge as you will be giving up more than you are gaining. If you get caught and break up, you will have all the time in the world to fool around with whoever, whenever you want. In the end you will still feel empty. What you are looking for cannot be found with a stranger.

Working on your relationship, nourishing it with your attention and love, will give a much more fulfilling result. We are all looking for that special someone to fill that emptiness inside us. Who will love us through the good and bad, give our life meaning, our rock when we feel weak and our pillow when we fall. Starting over with someone new every few years makes this very difficult to accomplish.

So I want you to think back to when you met your partner. Think about your time together and the good things you have shared. Is anything else in your life worth more effort than building on that love? It's like a precious flower. Feed it, water it, nurture it and it will grow. Tend to it only when it crosses your mind and it will wither and die. Communicate, appreciate, and have fun. These are the key ingredients to adding zest to a relationship rut.

Dressing for Sex

As a man, it's strange for me to see all of these articles about women dressing for sex as if they were the ones that needed help getting laid!!! To be honest ladies, you could be wearing a brown paper sack, a tiarra and a bar of smelly fisherman boots and 8 out of 10 guys would still give you the go ahead. However, as men it's important for us to "dot the i's and cross the t's" when it comes to sex. I'm aware that women aren't nearly as visual when it comes to sexual stimulation, but let's not be naive and assume that it doesn't matter.

Most women care about how they look, they love to shop and enjoy fashion. So it would be silly as a man to think that they don't pay attention to how I look as well. I'm not saying that we have to go out and spend thousands of dollars on clothes to impress the ladies, but it is important to accentuate your features by wearing certain styles or colors. Ladies pay close attention to several areas when judging a mans appearance, but I'll give you a list of the top 5 fashion must haves when dressing for sex.

1). Shoes - I want you to pay attention the next time you approach a woman at work, the gym, the club or even a supermarket. When a woman checks you out, she starts from the ground up. And wouldn't you know it the first thing she sees are your shoes. They don't have to be Gucci, Diesel or Kenneth Cole, but they better go with your outfit, you better keep them clean and if she sees you wearing black shoes with a brown belt or vice versa, you might as well just walk away.

2). Jeans - Fellas I'm aware that a pair of basketball shorts or sweats are far more comfortable than some form fitting jeans, but when it comes to sex appeal, a nice pair of jeans will go a long way in helping you get to the bedroom. The jeans you wear not only tell a woman that you care about how you look, but it can also tell a woman a lot about your personality. Are you conservative, lazy, a risk taker, bold, etc...?!?

3). Coats - You may be asking yourself why I skipped the shirt portion of the outfit, but allow me to explain. These days a plain t-shirt can have the same type of effect as a button up or a dress shirt depending on the man. However, put with the ideal coat or jacket it can enhance not only the outfit, but the attention you attract as well. The jacket is also important as it can be typically worn 3 out of the 4 seasons on a consistent basis. Hell in the summer you can even through on a sport coat. My advice, invest in a couple of nice coats and you'll significantly increase the positive attention recieved by the opposite sex.

4). Watch - I know that not all men like to wear a watch and thats fine, but if you do decide to wear one, make sure it's not a timex or a runners watch when you're out to dinner, drinks or even on a date. I get it, you're a runner, but to wear it with a sport coat and slacks or jeans shows you're not only "lost" when it comes to fashion, but you're begging her to ask you if you are a runner. Kind of like a guy who wears underarmour or a cut-off shirt everywhere wanting people to knows he works out or is an athlete. It's just obnoxious!! So to make a long story short, take the time to purchase a nice watch, because it could help you seal the deal.

5). Hair - Sure, it's not something you can put on, but it is a huge factor in determining how sexually attractive you are to a woman. I'm not telling you that you have to always have you're hair done up to a "T" or that you have to have the best hair or any hair at all. I'm just saying that take care of what you do have and let her know you took the time to look presentable before you left the house. I don't know if you've ever heard the term, "use what God gave you," but it particularly holds true when it comes to hair.

The Approach

Men have always had different ways of approaching women and probably always will. I can't honestly say that there is one or two specific ways to approach a woman as each woman responds to each man differently. Some men are charming, some are very good looking, some are bad boys, some are successful, etc. All of these men should use what they are to their advantage when approaching a woman right from the get-go. Because all it takes is saying or doing the wrong thing and you could blow your chances.

So I guess the important part is nailing the approach. Like I said, each man should approach women in a different way by using their strengths and avoiding their weaknesses. Instead of making the mistake of trying to push my strengths upon you, I'm going to share with you the 10 ways you should NEVER approach a woman!!


1) Giving her a lame compliment - by opening her with something like "you're so beautiful, can I take you out sometime?". You are immediately conveying lower status, because you are the one that wants to buy her approval. I'm not saying don't give compliments, but you need to pepper it within the conversation about things you notice about her apart from her physical appearance.

2) Immediately doing her a favor when she has done nothing to earn it - This is when a guy buys a girl a drink for no apparent reason. He does her a favor, like buying her a drink. What does this do? He shows to the girl that he is trying to impress her with money and is supplicating immediately to her. Thus lowering his own status.

3) Approaching her while speaking too quietly- This shows to her you are afraid of letting her know you are there. Do not come up from behind when you approach her, instead let her know you are walking up to her. Also, when you talk to her, make sure she hears you.

4) Giving little eye contact - Many guys are afraid to look at a women in the eye when he is talking to her. A man who looks straight into the women's eyes tells her that he is a high status male, he knows what he is doing and he is very confident. This is attractive. Looking elsewhere when attempting to approach her is not.

5) Being "the drunk guy" - Women do not appreciate being just hit on by "the drunk guy" because you show her you are not confident enough to talk to her without being boozed up with alcohol. No confidence equates to being a lower status male and this is not attractive.


6) Not being able to create a presence - when a man approaches a women, he needs to let her know he is there, and create a presence. Owning your own space and acquiescing to others spatially lets her know that you are not comfortable being there. If you're not comfortable you're not confident, and you are not attractive. This is not how to approach women. Instead, you should be holding yourself in an accommodating position where you are relaxed with a confident pose, especially if there are other guys around.

7) Trying too HARD to say the right things - This comes down to the fact that many men are goal orientated when they meet women. The focus is not to get anything from her but rather just enjoy the interaction between you two. If you can do this then the pressure of performance is lifted and you will pass the female screening test for men. Because, you are not out to get something from her.

8) Ignoring her friends- Remember, friends to a women are very important. Thus, if you ignore her friends, your intentions will be obvious and you will be perceived as that guy who is obviously trying to hit on her and being rude to her friends. This is not attractive and does not help. Further, you'll look antisocial and seem as if you have no social intelligence. You will make the whole situation seem awkward and weird.

9) Asking for the number too soon - The interaction should be fun and amusing for both of you. If you are there just to get her number, then you have an agenda thus you will be putting the interaction in a box. Things will not be able to move smoothly and it will kill any rapport that you had. Some guys think of getting her phone number as a reward to give her. If she is cool enough then you want to hang out with her. Not the other way around. Thus, you should only ask for her number if you are comfortable with her, and don't make it too soon so it would be obvious.

10) Not initiating flirting - Unless you want to be categorized as a friend only, you don't want to be the guy who does no flirting. Flirting in itself creates attraction. Without flirting then there is also really no point in approaching!

The Romantic

I hear women of all types make comments about wanting to be with a more romantic man. But, what do they mean by this? Is it that he doesn't bring her flowers before a date night? Does he not pay attention to the meaning behind the words she is speaking? Or is it that his idea of a hot date a trip to the ball game and beers afterwards? No matter how you slice it, women want a man who makes an effort, pays attention and isn't afraid of making himself vulnerable through a "romantic" act. What does it mean to be romantic?! Well even though I'm not Webster, I feel as though I can put enough pieces together to form my own definition of what women see as a romantic.

A Romantic is someone who pursues love as if it is the end all and be all of his life. He makes it a point to let his partner know she's not only loved, but appreciated. Though he may come across as a little aggressive, his assertiveness in the realm of love creates an allure unknown to the common man. Above all else he puts his heart on the line endlessly giving in hopes of finding a "true" love.

As sappy and corny as the above definition might seem to be, every woman secretly wants the Knight in Shining Armor and such a person would definitely fall under the category of a Romantic. What makes such a man so alluring is his disregard for his own emotions in the pursuit of love. A Romantic is the type of man that every girl hopes they meet, but they rarely find as they typically dismiss this type of man as they initially come across as either desperate or clingy.

So the question I ask myself is this, do women really want a romantic man or are they just enamored with the idea of being romanced?

The Silver Tongued Devil

So many woman complain about falling victim to a smooth talking man. Yet these same women are probably the ones who continue to fall for the same shit over and over again. I'm not saying that all men who know how to speak to women are assholes, but what I am saying is that typically, if something seems to good to be true, it is!!

Women love men who carry themselves in a confident manner and know how to communicate effectively, which makes them susceptible to an attack from the "silver tongued devil." I'm not sure the problem lies in the men that are using what God gave them to achieve specific goals as much as women having the "blinders" on. What I mean by this is that so many women fail to pay complete attention to what men say and often don't put the necessary pieces together to see if he's full of shit or not.

Here are 5 traits of the type of man you may be attracted to, but should ultimately steer clear of unless you consider yourself the "worthy opponent" :

1. They are relaxed, confident, and "into" the person they are talking to.

2. They display presence of mind- a deep sense of themselves as individuals... they are not afraid to be themselves. This is probably the biggest difference between timid introverts and extroverts is that they are not afraid to express their opinions and identity.

3. They speak simply and directly to - not at- the person they are talking with. They are also aware of the feelings of the other person and react accordingly.

4. They have command of their material. They know exactly where they are headed with everything they are saying.

5. Long after you forget what they said- you remember how they said it.

The Cycle

Have you ever wondered why your relationships seem familiar at one point or another? Does it bother you that no matter who you're with, you often follow a similar relationship pattern? Do you find yourself thinking that you must be different because you're relationships have a tendency to fail because of such patterns? The answer to the three questions is probably a resounding yes, but I urge you not to panic!! You aren't weird, strange or remotely different. You are just stuck in the modern day relationship cycle! You might be wondering what I mean by "the cycle," so let me enlighten you.

We've all fallen victim to the cycle at some point in our dating lives whether we want to admit it or not. Unfortunately or Fortunately, depending on how you view relationships, men and women are both looking for the same thing when seeking a significant other, "the rush." What I mean by "the rush," is the odd and alluring interest in certain members of the opposite sex. This rush is what we are looking to feel inside for the entirety of any and all relationships. I'm sure I'm not bursting your bubble when I tell you this, but this rush doesn't last forever, and when we finally realize that it doesn't we try to seek it elsewhere. Enter, the Cycle...

The Cycle is broken into 9 steps and if you pay close attention, you will undoubtedly see parallels in your own relationships.

Step 1: Striking Gold

We see or meet someone of the opposite sex that sparks an uncontrollable desire to get to know them on both a personal and intimate level.

Step 2: Dating

You display your best features and hide the bad ones, resulting in either rejection or falling in "love."

Step 3: Romance

Time moves on. Swell of passion begins to fade. He/she is still perfect . . . mostly, well except maybe for this one little thing...

Step 4: Honeymoon's Over

A wide assortment of minor problems emerge, usually each party blaming the other, either loudly or secretly.

Step 5: Wake Up Call

Problems, issues, and troubles.Infatuation fully fades away. You realize that this other person is just another normal, flawed, breathing, scratching, coughing, fearful, complicated human being, just like yourself, more or less. Often this is accompanied by feelings of betrayal, of having been wronged, let down, disappointed, or hurt.

Step 6: Change of Heart

You realize that your partner really wasn't the answer to your problems and start to feel like you're back at square one. Alone!

Step 7: To Be or Not To Be

This step depends largely on how you react to your sudden realization...do you break up or stay together? Get or divorce or work it out?

Step 8: The Aftermath

Typically if you're at this step you've decided to move on and take some time to reflect. And by reflect I mean blame the entire destruction of the relationship on the other person and find someone "better."

Step 9: The Next Gold Mine

Ahh...Back to Step 1!!!

Serial Daters

When I say "Serial Dater," some may automatically think taht this term is synonymous with the term "player." However, though I do agree that there are some striking similarities, there are several fundamental differences between the two.

The serial dater (ostensibly) has in mind establishing a serious relationship eventually, while the “player” has no such intention. The classic serial dater wants to be in a serious or long term relationship, but has a difficulty committing to a relationship, has intimacy issues, or has unrealistic standards in their love partners. Often, the serial dater is a romantic looking for “Mr. Right” or “Ms. Right”, but their dates continually come up short of this ideal.

Of course, there’s the chance that a person termed a serial dater is actually just a player, but for psychological or tactical reasons, chooses to identify themselves or portray themselves as something more like a serial dater.

Because many tv sitcoms depict serial daters for the sake of having a replenish-able source of comic situations, there’s a certain cultural charm and romance in the comic allure of the person who wants to settle down, but is unlucky in love, either because of their own quirks or the eccentricity of the people around them. Trying to have a dynamic social life is also a reason a person might become a serial dater, as they have their flavor of the week or flavor of the month.

The serial dater might be a person who is just perpetually in love, or “in love with the idea of being in love”. This is a centuries-old phenomenon, much like the Romeo character at the beginning of “Romeo & Juliet”. Some people enjoys the feeling of “falling in love”, only to have their high hopes, naive assumptions, or romantic illusions be disappointed upon getting to know the object of their affection a little better. As the old saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt.

One should not view the serial dater as fitting into just the “player in hiding” or the “lovable lover” archetypes. There might be longstanding psychological reasons or defense mechanisms at work that explain why a person is a serial dater. To begin with, men and women involved in serial dating tend to be gregarious personalities and extroverts who draw energy from time spent with other people, and who feel the need to have constant companionship and affirmation.

Serial daters often fill their various needs from several parallel relationships, instead of inside one serious relationship. In the age of online dating, one can see how serial dating and Internet dating go hand-in-hand (in many cases). There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as both sides of the relationship are honest about their intentions, as well as about their past history of short term relationships.

In dating and relationships, sins of omission are often as serious as lies. Players tend to omit their life as a player, which is one of the definitions of being a player. So if you want to be a serial dater, let the people in your life know that serial dating is your lifestyle, or “problem”, or however it is you look at this part of your life. Otherwise, good luck finding what you’re searching for.

Laying Down Your Pride

Some of us find it next to impossible to actually make some sort of reconciliation after the end of a relationship, regarding the damage as permanent and irreversible. Many of us seem all too willing to merely wash our hands on the other person and rather than admit our faults, would rather walk away. This is a very sad way to think and behave, because if we run away every time we have a problem in life, then we would never move forward. But for people who are still willing to save their broken relationship, the process of healing broken relationship is easy. The hardest part, is actually admitting that you made a mistake and that you are less than perfect. Once you are actually able to reconcile this simple truth with yourself, then you will be in a much stronger position to move on, and onto better things.

Let me ask you a question, and I hope that you will answer it honestly and truthfully? If you can have a second chance with your ex, would you actually take it? Would you recant your proud and narcissistic ways, and actually treat them with the love and respect that they deserve? When healing broken relationship, you should try to accept each others differences. Respect your partners individuality and learn to compliment each other to balance out any misunderstandings and other issues.

As old adage goes, pride comes before a fall. Just stop and think for a minute, how many times have you had a fight with someone you care about and then failed to apologize or at least delayed in doing so out of a mistaken sense of pride? Whilst pride does not tend to cause broken relationships, it sure does manage to make things a whole lot worse, and worse than they should or indeed ought to be. Men are especially guilty of this, rather than admitting that sometimes they are insensitive or selfish, they dig their heels in and simply cannot concede defeat. Humility is a virtue and in a relationship, an absolute necessity.

Too many of us hold onto negative emotions such as guilt and anger and these end up poisoning our minds, making us more irritable and snappy, susceptible to mood swings and more withdrawn. If you have done something wrong and are feeling guilty for it, then stop suffering and make sure you put things right, otherwise you cannot get down to healing broken relationship. An argument and then subsequent relationship can actually help to bring people together, with a stronger and more resilient bond as they are able to appreciate just how much they care about one another.

Too many people bite their tongue and let fear rule their lives, stopping them from doing and saying the things they want to. Stepping up and admitting a fault, or pointing out someone else can be tough, but it is an essential and vital part if you want to get to healing broken relationship. and take action in healing broken relationship.

The Younger Woman/Older Man Mystery

It is a known fact that women are attracted to older men. When I say older, I don't necessarily mean that a twenty-five year old will date a man who's seventy-three. What I'm saying is that relative to their own age, women, in general, will date men that are a few years older than themselves. So if a woman is twenty, she'll date a man in his thirties. If she's thirty, she'll probably date a man in his forties and so on. Why is it that women behave in such a way?

She is primarily interested in getting a husband-to-be on the hook.

Most women will admit that they want a strong man who can stand his own ground and be confident. Back in the day, this meant an egg fertilizer with blessed genetics who could hunt to feed his family while protecting them from predators.Of course, today we live in a more civilized society. Women no longer need a mate, hunter or protector (basically, they don't need men). But because of her upbringing, a woman still expects a man to provide for his family. She now expects her man to be mature and provide financial stability along with long-term security.

All these traits can be found in most men that are eighteen or over. But more often than not, women will associate older men with the capability of providing all the aforementioned traits.

Obviously, it isn't a big mystery why older men tend to look for younger women. They're usually physically fit, full of energy (makes him feel younger) and have a strong sex drive. Let's not forget that ego also plays a major role. Think about when you see an older man with a beautiful woman around your age. Do you not immediately begin to say to yourself "why is she with him?" or basically any jealous thought that pops into your head. Men generally love to be looked up to by their peirs and what better way to snag that attention then by having a young, sexy and vibrant woman at your side?

Now ladies, just as you tend to date older men for reasons that pertain to your own agenda, older men tend to use the situation to their advantage also. Sure all men are attracted to a young beautiful woman, but the type of older man that can get such a girl knows that he has a certain power over the said woman. He knows that she is seeking a potential husband to be and that he is better suited to give her a life more suitable to that than most. So what do most men do when they know they have the upper hand?!? They manipulate the hell out of the situation.

Remember, relationships are alot like the business world, if you have the supply there will always be a demand!!!

Ladies Man vs Man's Man

(for the women of the world)

Upon reading the title of this post, you might wonder what I mean by the term "Man's Man" and what it is in comparison to a "Ladies Man." The truth is that both of these men have very similar characteristics, but a few MAJOR differences that create a distance or gap in how they are responded to by women. Both are alluring in nature and have a knack for dealing with the female gender. Each has a unique way of attracting the most unattainable women. So, what's the difference?

Lets start with loosely defining the Man's Man.

A Man's Man is the type of man that most men look up to and strive to be. He's good looking, well spoken and always dresses to impress. When he walks into a room, both men and women take notice and begin to compete with or for attention. He's strong minded and rarely tells people what they want to hear. He keeps himself in great shape and is good at most things. He usually strives to be the center of attention and is naturally competitive. He knows he's good looking and usually makes relationships about himself rather than his partner. (see also emotionally challenged)

The Ladies Man is slightly different than a Man's Man, but has similarities as well. He is good looking, well spoken and typically is slightly fashion obsessed (metro sexual.) He is smooth and knows how to talk to his way into and out of any situation. His education level and ability to communicate usually makes him successful. He portrays an image of strength and mystery that has an unexplainable allure to all types of women. The Ladies Man usually has only a few male friends as he relates better to women. His strength lies in his ability to relate to women on a deeper level. He typically makes the relationship about the women he is with, but rarely sticks around. (see also player)

While these two types of men are typically the most attractive to the female gender, these are usually the types women should avoid as neither have an optimistic view on male/female intimacy. Both men have great potential and could easily be great boyfriends, husbands and eventual fathers, but their inability to commit to something bigger than themselves makes them red flags in the dating world.

Labels...

It seems that there are standard and accepted relationship statuses, as evidenced by facebook that you can be single, "casually" dating someone, in a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship, engaged, married, or divorced. "Divorced", in my mind, is the same thing as being single. Just because you made a relationship mistake in the past, it shouldn't brand your "status" for life. Nowadays, there are also "friends with benefits" and "FTF", adding more complexity into the mix. But I digress.

Some people really enjoy the early stages of relationships where nothing as been defined. There are very few expectations and the focus is on getting to know each other. Relationship labels indicate a certain level of commitment and define expectations, providing security and reducing anxiety. When you're in a relationship, you have to balance the notion of freedom with your commitment to the other person. I don't think you have to sacrifice freedom at all, actually, if you're in the right relationship. And you see the other person as bringing out your best, unique self.

Most people use exclusivitity to define a relationship. If the person you're with doesn't want to date anyone else and wants to commit to being with you along, then they're traditionally considered your boyfriend or girlfriend. But often times, exclusivity is just that and carries no deeper meaning. It doesn't imply love and it doesn't imply expectations.

I don't have any real conclusions to draw here. I am still conflicted on how I feel about relationships. I've come a long way in terms of not labeling myself and using those labels to form an identity. But in terms of relationships, would I rather have a traditional "girlfriend" or a somewhat vauge/ambiguous relationship that was defined by the love and connection? A relationship in which me and my partner felt a unique bond, but it wasn't necessarily understood by others because of the lack of a "label"? I am torn. Many people would probably tell me I can have both and they aren't mutually exclusive.

Beware of the Loner

If you’re the type of person who loves to hang out with a bunch of people at once and can’t stand being by yourself, dating a loner is going to be difficult. You may want to double date while she’d just want to be with you alone. You may want to have a party while she’d just rather have a quiet night at home. You may regard her as lonely, but loners are a different type of people. Ask a loner if that person is lonely, and chances are she’ll say, “No!!!” A loner is content in her own company. She actually enjoys the idea of going to movie theaters and not having the movie spoiled because you’re whispering to her about what’s going to happen next. She likes hanging out in restaurants at a table for one while reading a good book. She wants to shop on her own so she doesn’t have to hang out in line waiting on you. She enjoys doing her own thing.

The problem with loners is that they have a habit of making those who are dating them (or even friends with them) feel like they don’t want them around. But if a loner embraces you in a relationship or friendship, she doesn’t want to mistreat you. For her, hanging out is just that enjoyable all by herself or with you. More often than not, loners adore the few people that they voluntarily surround themselves with.

5 Tips on Dating a Loner

1) If a loner says she doesn’t want to be bothered, you have every right to ask her if you did something wrong or is she mad at you. If she says no, believe it. There are times when a loner just finds being around people, especially people who want her attention, unbearable.

2) Make your needs known early in the relationship. If you are the social butterfly who wants to have social gatherings every month or want to hang out with your friends, your loner partner should never try to stop you from doing that.

3) Try to be cordial to the few friends and family that your loner partner likes to be around. A loner keeps a tightly knit group around her, which means she usually respects these people on a different level. It’s a very bad idea to ignore those who your loner partner has a bond with.

4) Never try to surprise a loner with a party unless you absolutely know she wants one. More than likely, there will be people at that party she won’t like or people she really would rather not be around.

5) Do not try to force your loner partner into being like you. It’s a terrible idea and will never work. The same way you’ll never understand why she’d rather go on a vacation by herself instead of with 10 friends is the way she feels about you inviting 13 people over to watch a game of football. For her, hanging out is just that enjoyable all by herself or with you.

Second Chances...

When taking your first step toward a second chance of making relationships work, you would need to be honest with yourself. Calm yourself down and be in a calm environment when you attempt to analyse your situation. Do not let your emotions get in the way and try to keep away from any blame you have been receiving. Do not start defending yourself as you think about how your partner has been blaming you. When your partner says something or takes any action, there is a reason to it and unless your partner was someone who sets fires because he was a pyromaniac. Keep your emotions aside and think about what your partner has said.

Then, look at the situation again and think if it may actually be true.

If you feel that you have found out the source of your problems, you might want to contact your partner to try to resolve the problem together. The sooner you have your problems resolved, the easier it would be to heal the wounds in your hearts, and allow you two to consider getting back together or something else. Do try to help your partner - not force - see your situation in the same logical and reasonable way you did so that your partner could give you an alternate view with alternate solutions.

One of the most important things to remember about having a relationship is to be mature. Enjoyment, comfort, security, etc, would be part of what you want in your relationship, but if you can only demand things to be done your way and will not listen to advice and pleas from your partner, it would be no different from being a royal member of the family.

Remember to maintain communication with your partner. Merely saying the usual everyday talk would not help much in repairing your relationship. Consider entering a conversation about the things your partner is interested in or is dying to vent frustrations on. Also allow you and your partner to express your feelings and opinions on matters around the both of you. By learning more about your partner and being open to things that come your way, it would help you to understand your partner more, and your partner could know more about you as well. Take it as a chance to win the heart of your potential lover and the way you try to learn more about that person.

Daddy Issues

These days, people say a woman has daddy issues when she appears to be seeking attention from men in order to compensate for the attention she may not have received from her father. When we talk about her daddy issues, we’re generally talking about things like aggressive flirtation, promiscuity, a tendency toward exhibitionism, and certain emotional hang-ups. Whether her daddy issues are actually the result of her relationship with her father or whether “daddy issues” is just the label society has chosen to attach to this kind of behavior, it is a set of characteristics you might encounter in a woman. Consequently, you need to know how to recognize her daddy issues and how to handle them.

Most guys salivate at the idea of a sexually aggressive woman. But if a woman is grinding up against you on a dance floor, initiating public groping and dragging you into her bedroom on the first date, it might be a sign of her daddy issues. If you’re up for a one-night stand, there’s probably nothing you need to do except enjoy the ride. But if you’re interested in a relationship with this girl, your strategy should be to take things slow. If her sexy signals are overly aggressive, tell her you want to slow down and get to know her before doing the deed. Make plans for a future date instead of stripping each other’s clothes off. Show her you’re interested in more than just sex and she won’t feel quite as desperate to impress you with her sexual prowess.

It’s a stereotype that girls with daddy issues flirt a lot. And maybe it was even her flirting that got your attention in the first place. Once she’s your girlfriend, though, flirting with strange men is not going to fly.It’s important to recognize that not all women flirt because they’re interested in the guy they’re talking to. Your girlfriend may be flirting because she craves attention and enjoys the rush of developing sexual tension with a stranger. The best way to deal with this manifestation of her daddy issues is to confront her about it. Tell her you’re not OK with it. The extra attention from you will likely offset the attention she’s been seeking from random guys.

Every woman wants care and assurance from her partner and, of course, girlfriends want to spend quality time with their boyfriends. But a girl with daddy issues wants those things in excess. She may throw a fit whenever you make plans without her. She might beg and bargain whenever you try to leave her apartment. It’s important to keep her daddy issues in check by establishing strict boundaries. Stick to your guns and maintain a separate social life. If you give in to a bout of clinginess once, you’re sunk forever.

Security in Relationships

In the course of a romantic relationship, trust and sense of security plays a major role in determining the direction of the relationship. Without the sense of security, a romantic relationship will fall apart as soon as it started. Healthy couples requires a feeling of security in their relationship and if will be very hard for any couples to maintain a relationship if they do not trust each other. Although it is always true to say that if we do nothing wrong, then there is nothing for us to be afraid of. However the phrase may not be always true when it comes to relationship as couples may wrongly interpret the needs of security in their relationship. Different people may have different definition or feeling of trusts in a relationship and therefore it is important for a couple to agree on a certain ground in this matter. While sense of security or trust may take time to form but it will be always easier if we know how to deal with it.

1) Safe communication.The first step to security in relationship is to build healthy and save communication. Both you and your partners must feel safe to tell each other what you feel and think in your relationship. You must also be able to listen to, understand and affirm with your partner¡s feeling and vice-versa. This means that you and your partner must learn how to identify, label and communicate your feelings effectively across to each other.

2) Refrain from Pre-Judgement. In the course of your relationship, there will be times when you do not understand your partner, why he/she acted the way they did and/or why he/she feel certain way that you cannot comprehend. It is important that you stay calm as such feeling is completely normal in a relationship. However when such things happens, you must refrain yourself from pre-judging the event by calling your partner crazy, stupid and etc. This will indirectly break the sense of security that your partner has for you. Instead support their temporary behavior by affirming it and encourage them to let it out on you and at the same time assuring them that it is safe to do so.

3) Room for partner to express feeling. In addition to the above, you must also provide the room for your partner to express their feeling freely and safely regardless the situation. Regardless whether, your partner is happy, sad, excited and etc, you must allow them to express it even though you are not feeling the same. Therefore it is important to learn that you cannot forbid, dictate nor criticize your partner¡s feeling at any time when your feeling is not in tune with theirs.

4) Understanding your partner. Understanding your partner is the best way to improve the sense of security in your relationship. In other word, we must always understand what is our partner¡s feeling or view on the subject. Every people have different expectation on sense of security when it comes to relationship due to past experience and therefore it is important for you to realize this fact. In order to have mutual and better understanding on sense of security, you must discuss it with your partner with open heart. Perhaps, the best way to be trusted is to be truthful to yourself and as well as your partner.

5) Support each other emotionally. Finally, the most important security factor in a relationship is the ability of the couple in providing emotional support to each other. Learning to read or identifying your partner¡s emotional level at any given point of time is the first step to emotional support. The next step is learning to give the appropriate emotional support the moment you detect any emotional changes in your partner. The ability to detect and support your partner¡s emotion will make a big difference in your relationship especially when it comes to trust.

# 1 Priority...Career or Love?

How many of you have put a career or job first, then a relationship second. Basically you are in a relationship with a girl or guy and it’s going great but you always put them second. And I don’t mean when you first start dating but even in a year into the relationship you’re still putting the relationship second in. It just seems as you get older both girls and guys seem to put there career first instead of the other way around. Which seems logical because you don’t want to ruin a career for some short term relationship.

Everyone’s priorities are different. Whoever said that bit about the last thing you think about in your death bed, is probably going to die alone. As the LAST thing I would want to think about before I die is money. Family, kids, hell even the dog would come before money on my mind.Putting work before your significant other can be detrimental to your relationship IMO.

Unless it is something that was understood as a condition prior to you being together. It also depends to what extent would you be working? Are you gone from 7am to 10pm everyday? Are you on business trips away for weeks at a time? If so, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship in the first place.

It all depends on the individual, and where you are in life at this point. It’s easy to say you would put your career first when you do not have someone you really care about. It really is about finding a balance between both, it can’t always be so black and white on what comes first.If you feel driven then drive; drive until you fall asleep at the wheel.

Ego's and Relationships

Our Ego is the buffer that prevents us from getting connected to the universe. The ego, the "I am", in other words, puts us in a virtual prison. A prison that makes us believe that the self image we have created is real. We feel we must protect it, we constantly worry about what others should say about us, and whether we stand up to the standards that our ego has set for us.

Are we good or bad? Do we deserve to be loved? Does this person deserve to receive our help or love? We keep ranking people-putting them on pedestals, or putting them in pits, but most important, we forget to put them in our hearts.The Ego disease is a common disease.It can ruin relationships, friendships, and get in the way of our own happiness . What I’ve came to understand, is that my ego has set me to a state of suffering, for false reasons. Made me feel hurt and disrespected, made me get insulted and offended easily, made me feel anger and sometimes even hold resentment for those I blamed for hurting me.

When one releases himself from the chains of the ego and lets only love, sympathy, and compassion come between one and one’s surroundings; one will find it easier to forgive and forget; easier to sympathize and understand the fact that the person who hurts you, does it, because he’s hurt inside, in some way or still has a memory of an event that made him lose his trust and thus he protects himself from hurting again by hurting others. Maybe that person has a basic need, of love, compassion, or understanding that hasn’t been fulfilled yet and thus, it causes frustration within him and pushes him to act in certain ways because of his hurt ego and self image.

You will find this person unaware, but you can see that the difference is that one is aware and thus can sympathize with that person, and even prevent his/her unaware actions and destructive ego driven behavior come between both of them and cause conflicts,when he/she is an "ego free" person. To tell the truth, no one is really 100 percent "ego free", but being in a higher state of awareness than most people, can help someone stop the Ego attacks in time.

Marriage....Mistake?

Everyone talks about people getting married for the right reasons, but perhaps there is an equal need to understand the wrong reasons so that we can avoid these. We are all aware how high the divorce rates are and how expensive this can be emotionally and financially. Therefore, any information that can help us make sure we are not making a decision for the wrong reasons could prove to be beneficial. The following are some of the reasons that should be not used for a trip down the aisle.

Loneliness is often a reason chosen for getting married. People in this situation will often grasp at the first person who shows an interest in them and try to whisk this saviour down the aisle, just so that they do not have to face the future on their own. However, what is not realized is that, in an environment where two people are living together and have nothing in common, nor an emotional bond, the loneliness can be even worse

This next bad reason is a classic. How often have we heard people say "he / she will change when we are married." Wrong! People will only change if they are willing to do so. The fact that they are married will not necessarily bring about a change. In many cases they will see another person's willingness to marry them as condoning of their current behaviour and continue in the same vein after the marriage. You cannot improve a relationship or make it any safer or secure by tying it into marriage. Marriage is about both being committed, not one imprisoning the other.

Believe it or not there are even people who want to get married simply because they have always dreamed of a big wedding day and do not want to be denied this. One day does not make a lifetime of happiness and commitment, no matter how spectacular that day might be. Splendour does not make emotions or love grow if they are not there in the first place. A further example of this sort of wrong reason is getting married for money. Although money can do a number of things for you, it cannot buy happiness and, what's more essential to realize is that it cannot buy love.

Marrying for the wrong reasons will invariably end in disaster, unless you are fortunate and able to find the right reasons work for you two very quickly. Two important people's lives, you and your partner's will possibly have been ruined simply because you did not stop and ask yourselves whether you are making this commitment for the right reasons.

Let it go...

Although we learn from the past, it influences our future by making us weary of taking risks. I'm sure most of us have had our share of bad experiences and have sworn that we would never get hurt again. Women rip photographs of their boyfriends when their men upset them. Remember that picture the two of you took on your one-year anniversary? That's right the half where you once stood is now at the bottom of her trashcan. You don't need to be told that men and women react differently to heartache, but one thing will never change: the ultimate vow that this will never happen again.

No one can undermine the pain and frustration felt when a lover breaks your heart. Heartache is the worst and shouldn't be bestowed upon even your worst enemy. While getting back into the game of dating and relationships after a past relationship seems frightening, it also serves the purpose of meeting new people to get your mind off the past. But the "past" never seems to leave for good and creeps up from the woodwork once you decide to become close with someone new. Do you really want to give all the women who have hurt you the satisfaction of tainting your love life for good? Absolutely not!

It's safe to say that the men who are sweet and open have not been burned before. They are ready to open up to their partner, be honest with their feelings and don't see the risks in expressing their emotions. When a man has been burned in the past, he is too scared to wear his heart on his sleeve, lest he lose his guard and become vulnerable by expressing his emotions to his new partner. Showing his emotions puts him on the line; a fighter with no weapons and no army behind him. He is defenseless, facing the army of women who stand fully armed.

The worst thing that you can possibly do is become too afraid and too macho to act naturally in a new relationship. As I said before, everyone has some sort of baggage, but it's up to us to put our pasts aside and move on. If we don't, we'll all fall victim to a vicious cycle in which one person is hurt and refuses to trust the next. While this person will, in turn, make the other person not trust him.We may have been hurt in the past, but the past can also be remembered for its happy moments. That's the kind of baggage you should take with you on your next trip to "relationship land".

Sex can wait...or can it?

(for the women of the world)

How long should you wait before having sex? Should you give in to the desires? Should you indulge in the physical act right at the start of your relation or should you hold off? Every woman goes through this dilemma. Sex is an important factor of a relationship between a man and a woman. But how does one know that it is NOT THE ONLY driving factor.

Women feel that they can hold on to their men if there is sex. If you think that your man will not desert you if you have sex with him, you are sadly mistaken. You need to evaluate yourself. Can your relationship survive if you hold off sex? If YES, then you have a mature and strong relation. If NO, then it is based only on sex.

Ladies, you need to be clear about your priorities. Are you interested in having a fling? If you are looking for casual sex, then you will have plenty suitors. But if you want a committed relationship, it is better that you wait till you are ready. You have to decide that for yourself. If you decide to wait, you are in a better position than other women. Firstly, you come across only those guys who are serious about you. Others who just want a fling, are automatically excluded. Secondly, if you wait for the right moment, you connect not just physically but also emotionally.

And that is more important.

Holding off sex can prove beneficial in many ways. You are able to understand each other. You bond well with each other. Your relationship grows stronger if you connect well. And you know for SURE that it is not based only on sex.

Don't Over Analyze!!!

Some things we can take for granted in life such as the job we have, the house we live in and our families. This is especially true of people who are in long relationships, one can get caught up in the routine that they have expectations or have feelings of incompleteness that may not exist truly, but just are a symptom of not stepping back and looking at all that you truly have. One such example is that there are many facets to a relationship, these include but are not limited to: Friendship, Support, Love, Attraction...etc

If you find yourself lacking or thinking something is missing, then focus on everything that your relationship does have and then devise a conclusion like this: Am I just being picky, or is there something really wrong? Is there something I can do to alleviate how I feel about the situation? Remember it is easier to blame and point at others, but many issues can often develop and be caused by ones own self.

My point is if you take your relationship as a whole and have few complaints about a few issues, then this is the nature of a good and healthy relationship. Don't over analyze your relationship to death, and don't expect that you will be happy with 100% of the relationship, 100% of the time. People are people and relationships are give and take and you get out of them what you put into them for the most part, so instead of expecting anything, put more effort into the relationship and talk with your partner about how you are feeling.

Room to Grow...

A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good relationships improve your life in all aspects, strengthening your health, your mind and your connections with others as well. However, it can also be one of the greatest drains if the relationship is not working. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you get back. Love and relationships take work, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and change through life as a team. Learn about ways to keep a healthy relationship strong, or work on repairing trust and love for a relationship on the rocks.

You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming up with a new, exciting thing to try. However, as time goes by, children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other obligations can make it hard to find time together. It’s critical for your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.

Couples are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress and work through issues more easily. Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing.

It’s also important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page. Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.

If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise. However, it takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.

Emotional Maturity

A big indicator of whether you have the emotional maturity to weather the storms of a shared life is how good you are at delaying gratification. If either you or your partner are still letting "I want to feel good right now" rule your life without taking a long view of consequences you are not ready. If you are immediate gratification-driven but in love with the idea of commitment you may think you have found "the one" many times over, only to break up and start over again. Or you may try to have your cake and eat it too by keeping more than one partner in play and giving mixed messages about commitment to all of them.

Another indicator of emotional maturity is embracing interdependence - the ability to be self-reliant while also being comfortable with giving and accepting support. If you are afraid you can't live contentedly and well without a partner, chances are you will make relationship decisions that are based on security-seeking rather than balanced self-sufficiency and ability to depend on others. The more dependent you are, the more likely you are to think every love affair is "the one" at first, in order to hold on to (a false) sense of security.

On the other hand, if you're looking for love but you've convinced yourself that it's foolish or weak to ever depend on anyone other than yourself, you are what psychologists call "counter-dependent" - and you'll make sure it's never a good time to commit. You might do this by rationalizing that no one ever meets your copious criteria for a perfect match, when the real deal is you don't trust anyone to share the reins with you. For some people, interdependence is easier to maintain in friendships than romantic bonds because romantic attachments dredge up many more family-of-origin vulnerabilities related to abandonment, control, sexual anxieties etc.
Emotional maturity also includes the ability to be resilient after suffering losses.

If you are afraid that losing love will crush you beyond repair you are more likely to try to force-fit inappropriate partners into your love mold and stay in bad relationships too long just because breaking up seems unbearably painful. If you are confident that you can pick yourself up and learn something about yourself and others from relationships that don't work out, you can cut your losses in a healthy way. Finally, emotionally mature people have a developed sense of empathy. They can understand and support someone else's feelings and attitudes, even if they disagree, without jeopardizing their own

Heartbreak

Life never stops just because you feel miserable. And the worst part is people don't stop laughing and having fun just because you are sad. Happiness is a choice and i sincerely believe it. If you choose to be happy you can do anything in this world. Your partner has left you and you do not even know what to do. Your heart is having mixed feeling that you do not understand. One minute you are laughing and the next one you are crying your heart out. Dealing with a heartbreak is hard but a few tips of how to effectively overcome a heartbreak should help you.

Avoid staying alone in a room all locked up. Just after a heartbreak most people want to stay alone in a room. They isolate themselves from people. This is a major mistake that if you are dealing with a heartbreak you should avoid. Once you stay alone you start feeling more alone and you are reminded of the fact that your partner left you and you start thinking wild thoughts. You even start blaming yourself and you feel like its all your fault they left. It can never be entirely your fault. They too have a part to play in the break up, do not blame yourself. You can always go out to meet with new people, you can also join a club and play games. If you love basket ball or any other game, this is the time to go out and re explore your talent. This way you will have a lot of fun.

Lastly, be positive and grateful at the same time they left you. Being grateful can be a hard thing to do especially if you do not see why you should be grateful yet you are hurting. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes the bad situation you think you are in could be saving you from a worst situation. As hard as this could be to believe its true. Your partner could have become resentful to you and the best thing they did was to break up with you before they did something bad to hurt you. That way, your life would be safe. Break ups only lead us to appreciate and love our next partners more. They also lead us to meet that perfect person. So remember to be positive when dealing with a heartbreak.

Trust

Regardless of your politics, the person who wins any election is the one who voters think is most aligned with their "rules" for living.A vote for a candidate, especially in this election where such a high percentage of people did vote, says "I trust you." This is no different from how it is in your relationships.

As we are choosing whether to be in arelationship with someone or not, we are looking for how we are aligned with him or her. Whether we realize it or not, we are looking for someone with similar "rules" for living. We are looking for someone in alignment with whatever rules we've made up about what a relationship looks like. When we do commit to being in a relationship, for most people, it's a "vote" that says "I trust you."

What usually happens when you make that commitment is that the relationship goes along just fine until (and I use the word "until"on purpose) one or both of you does something or not do something to break the trust in small or not so small ways. One or both of you might have made a half-hearted "trust vote" because of painful experiences in past relationships which makes trusting in this relationship pretty difficult.

You may have withheld trust because your "rules" say that you'll be hurt if you do. Now of course, most of us withhold our trust and ourselves from others from time to time and in some cases, maybe for good reason. But if you want a close, connected, loving relationship with better communication, passion or whatever else you want, you'll want to look at where you might be withholding your true self.

No Excuse..

If you are someone who is a habitual excuse maker it might be a good idea to ask yourself why you deliberately choose to be less than truthful. Do you fear the scrutiny of friends, family, or coworkers? Are you uncomfortable with opening yourself up to others? Sometimes, making up a lame excuse to avoid attending a social event is done for self-preservation. Are you afraid your attendance would make you feel inadequate, vulnerable, or foolish?

Are your excuses meant to inflate your worthiness in the eyes of others? Ego does play a factor in habitual excuse making. However, indulging in ego-boosting through excuse making will likely have the reverse result: deflated personal self-worth. You can trick others into believing a lie, but convincing yourself is not as easy. Or is it? If you tell a lie convincingly enough and you get away with it you may also begin believing it yourself. It's true. Overtime, an excuse-maker will start buying into his own cons and, as a result, live a lie.

Changing deceptive behaviors can be a little tricky for the chronic excuse maker. Twisting the truth becomes a way of life, almost an art form. Whenever excuses are found out to be erroneous, instead of giving a sincere apology for being untruthful the person will attempt to craft a creative non-apology (another excuse) that just adds to the original deception. This is called "digging yourself into a deeper hole."

Taking responsibility for your actions is the grown-up thing to do. Admitting your failures and accepting that you are not perfect may be hard to swallow at first. But, as you stop making excuses for yourself, you will soon realize how emotionally freeing your life can be. I know it is cliché - but "Honesty (really) is the best policy."

Wnat Him/Her Back?!

When thinking about how to get your ex back, you may have a strong desire to talk things through with your ex… you might think that if you could get them to sit down and discuss the problems in your relationship you might be able to convince them not to end the relationship. You might think that the easiest way to get them back might be to sit down and calmly discuss their grievances and once you have overcome all their objections they will happily come running back to you.

Please don’t kid yourself for a minute by thinking that talking things through will ever work. Chances are that even offers to attend counseling on your own or together are probably going to fall on deaf ears. Chances are that if your relationship was on a downhill slide for a while an offer to discuss any problems or attend counseling will appear to be a last ditch effort to manipulate your ex into getting back together.

This is not to say that counseling doesn’t have its place in a relationship. Counseling can be a very powerful and effective tool to help cement your relationship once both you and your partner have decided that getting back together is what you both desire. A counselor can be an impartial referee that can point out areas that both of you might wish to work on separately and together to help enhance your relationship.

As far as wanting to sit down with your ex and discuss what went wrong in the relationship, for the moment, nothing good can come of this. Any desire that you might say you have for “closure” or some sort of understanding of what went wrong stands little chance of being helpful to you. Haven’t you been hurt enough as it is? Why subject yourself to further rejection? Why do you want to know in detail why this person who loved you so much at one time now desires to be apart from you? Spare yourself the pain, retain your dignity and leave that discussion for another day.

Now is the time for you to rebuild yourself and heal from the wounds that you have suffered at the hands of your ex. Yes, it may be helpful at some point to take an inventory of yourself and see if there is any truth in the accusations that your ex has hurled at you. See if your ex has indeed pointed out any areas that you also feel are unacceptable in your life and set about to make some changes if you feel that YOU might benefit in the long run.

Deal or No Deal...

One of the best things about a relationship is being able to have a built-in best friend. Your partner is the person you can spend a lazy Sunday with or your big Friday night out. However, be sure to keep the relationships with your own group of friends intact. Men want a woman who’s not only willing but wants to have a girl’s night out. It’s attractive for a woman to have her own hobbies and interests. The time apart only reminds him of just how great you are.

Whether you are a smoker, or constantly the sloppy drunk at the bar, it’s clear your vices could be a deal breaker for a potential mate. Sure, the party was great but while you were getting inebriated he was busy being embarrassed or talking to someone who wasn’t slurring her words. Besides the obvious vices, some men say bad habits like poor hygiene or being very messy are also a turn off. Just think, would you want to date someone with bad breath or a dirty bathroom?

Lying just proves to your potential suitor that you aren’t really interested in a relationship because with Internet search engines and social networking sites it’s simple to do a quick check to see if your story is true. Before lying to your date about your age, career or education just think that if the relationship does work out he is eventually going to find out what your birth date is, where you’re employed or your alma mater and that’s going to be an awkward conversation to have.

Women who don’t deal with their personal insecurities before meeting Mr. Right are only setting themselves up for a potential deal breaker. It’s normal to have a bad day but constantly being negative about your body or looks only brings attention to your flaws real or perceived and makes you come off bitter and negative, traits that are never attractive. Just like women, men are looking for a mate who is self-assured.

Most men will say cheating gives them carte blanche to call off the relationship. As one of the biggest deal breakers, there are not many second chances when it comes to cheating because it’s setting the person up for another bout of infidelity. This, the big lebowskie of deal breakers,is vital to avoid as men are very proud and tend to be quite unforgiving. Due to the fact that women typically require an emotional attraction as well as physical in order to cheat, the likelyhood of a man taking a woman back after infidelity is about 2 %.

The Clinger

Stage 5 Clinger - A member of the opposite sex that is likely to become overly attached, overly fast. Virgins, those on the rebound, and the emotionally fragile are more likely to have this term applied to them.

We’ve all heard of the term “The Stage 5 Clinger” when describing a significant other who well, JUST WON’T GO AWAY! Men have experienced this CLINGING effect but how do you know if you’re the one being labeled the “Clinger?” Take a look at the checklist below and if any are sounding a little bit too familiar you might want to reevaluate how you handle your man!

1) The day following the first date he will receive 3 missed phone calls all accompanied by voicemail.

2) Before the end of the first date you’ve already proposed a second date. “I’ve already made the reservations!”

3) In the first week you’ve informed him where you want to get married, how many children you see yourself having, and what your family’s dog name will be.

4) Somehow his number found it’s way into your phone settings Fav5 or number 1-3 on speed dial.

5) You have friend requested his close friends on Facebook.

6) He fails to respond to a text after 20 minutes of being sent, you immediately formulate reasons why he is ignoring you, all while having a panic attack!

7) You say “Yes!” every time he asks if you’re free. You’re screaming “available.”

8) If Facebook had a limit for amount of views a person can have on a page per day, your account would have been shut down and you’re left with no access to the Face “stalk” world.

9) You find yourself checking your phone every 10 minutes. “I thought I heard it go off!”

10) Calling his mom the first week of dating seems like a “normal” thing to do.


Sound Familiar?!?!......

....THEN FOR GOD'S SAKE PUMP THE BREAKS!!!

Office Romance...Taboo?!

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Emotional Infidelity

Any way you look at it. cheating is a good way to ruin a relationship. Often, when one partner cheats on the other, trust is lost and there is little chance of regaining it. This is likely not news to anyone, but there is more than one category of cheating.

First, there is sexual cheating, where the man feels no emotional connection with the woman and is basically only interested in her for sexual purposes and the excitement that sleeping with her may offer.The second type of cheating is emotional, where a man finds himself becoming emotionally connected to another woman. He may greatly enjoy her company, talking to her, and sharing his concerns and thoughts about life with her. He will begin to feel as though he would rather spend his spare time with her than with his girlfriend or wife.

Emotional cheating is the type of cheating that most women find more destructive for their relationship. Women know that there are many other attractive women out there and that men are very visually stimulated by nature. Not that this condones sexual cheating, but it is well known that some men have a hard time controlling their sexual desires.The situation is more hurtful to a woman when her partner finds someone else whose personality he enjoys more. She often sees this as a sign that she no longer is interesting to him and that she is not fulfilling his emotional needs.

I would argue that emotional cheating is probably the most unforgivable of all unfaithful acts. Flirting, texting, sexting, etc. are all gateways to the land of emotional infidelity and should be avoided at all costs. Physical/Sexual infidelity is an awful act but can be forgiven if shown true remorse, but emotional cheating is not only unforgivable in her eyes, but should be a red flag for both a man and woman as the relationship is just not meant to be...

"So...What Are We?"

Whether you are dating someone new or you've been seeing someone for a couple of months, sometimes it can be awkward to make things "official." When you're in high school, it's easy to say "will you go out with me," but as you get older, things get more complicated. "Going out" means actually GOING OUT, like on a date. Asking, "Will you be my girlfriend?" sounds cheesy and a negative response can make the situation really weird. So what do you do?

Usually when dating someone casually, you get to know them a little bit. You should get a feel on how they feel about relationships and even marriage. If you're dating someone who tells you that they just got out of a relationship and aren't looking for anything serious, you should know that making it "official" is a waste of time. If you really like that person, let them bring it up.

The best way to bring up the "official" conversation is somewhere that is relaxed like a restaurant. You can casually say, "so I really like you, and I want you to know that I'm not seeing anyone else." The response you get should solidify your relationship one way or the other.


I wouldn't advise having the "official" conversation at home, simply because some women can feel like it's a way to get them in to bed, and some men feel that it guarantees them a ticket in to bed. Keep it light, airy, and honest.

What He Means When He Says...

Most men are good in articulating that they think, but when it comes to articulating what they feel, they just totally send a different meaning. Decoding a man’s language and knowing what he really wants and can save you a lot of conflicts and confusions. Men often say what they mean, but more often than not don't mean entirely what they say. Men whom are habitual daters are masters at adapting to their surroundings. So if you come across that smooth talking, always say the perfect thing type of guy, chances are his responses are canned.

In hopes of teaching women what to look and watch out for, I'm providing several examples of "What he means when he says...":

What he says: “I think we need to slow down.”
Real message: “You need to slow down, girl.”

What he says: “I’m confused now. I’m not sure what I want.”
Real message: “I don’t want you.”

What he says: “I need some space.”
Real message: “I want to break-up with you, but I don’t know how.”

What he's saying: (In the middle of a sexual act) “I love you”
Real message: “I love that thing you do with your tongue/finger/body right now.”

What he's saying: “You’re really a good person.”
What he means: “I’m sorry, babe but you’re not going to see me again.”

What he's saying: “Let’s be friends.”
What he means: “You are not really my type, but I really think your friend is hot, can you hook me up?”

What he's saying: “We should hang-out sometimes.”
What he means: “I think you’re hot and I want to ask you out, but I’m afraid you’ll say no.”

What he's saying: “I’ll call you.”
What he means: “I may or may not call you at some point between two days and two months from now.”

What he's saying: “That guy seems to be a good friend of yours.”
What he means: “Was there a thing between you and him?”

Signs Your Partner is Pulling the Plug

As people in modern day society, we all have a tendency to either read too much into a situation or not pay enough attention. I know its hard to find that perfect balance on what to take in and what not to, but in order to maintain or dismiss a relationship, one must always be on his or her toes. I think it's safe to assume that most of us have been in that relationship where it wasn't really working out, but we stayed in it because it was comfortable. When in such a relationship, there should be one goal in mind: Dump Them First!!

Sure, it's an immature and childish notion, but lets face it, we all do childish things from time to time. If you're not happy and you don't see a long term future with this person, save yourself time and get a head start on the healing process. Jumping into the freezing water so suddenly will be a shock, but eventually it'll become refreshing. If you were already unhappy you will feel much better. You won't have to spend each day worrying and wondering if you're going to be dumped; you'll have the answer for sure, and can begin to move on.

However, if you aren't sure that you're ready to put an end to such a relationship, and suspect that your partner might be wanting to call it quits, here are some warning signs so that you can get a heads up instead of a nudge out the door...


1) Your Gut Told You - Guts don't talk, you say? Well you're certainly suspicious of something; else you wouldn't be reading this article. Sometimes gut feelings are right.

2) Awkward Phone Conversations - This is usually a dead give-away. If you're used to prolonged, laughter-filled phone calls that could go on for hours and then suddenly your phone calls are barely lasting 5 minutes, maybe they're trying to avoid you. Don't base this off one phone call. You'll notice it in a series of phone calls. If they aren't talkative and barely add anything to the conversation, they might be losing interest in you.

3) "Excuses" - This may be obvious, but if they start the whole "we should take a break", "maybe we should be open to other people" and so on, don't waste your time. It's their way of ending it like a coward. Chances are you won't be hearing from them again.

4) Stupid Arguments - Another give-away. Are they getting mad at you for no logical reason? Taking all their stress out on you? Arguing over ridiculously silly, small things? This isn't always a sign of a break-up. If you're always giving in, being that "nice guy/girl", and agreeing with them all the time, they may be arguing simply to see if you'll stick up for yourself. Sad, but true.

5) Vague Plans - If they're always trying to get out of dates or constantly changing them, this could be a sign that you're becoming less important. If you suggest a future trip or vacation and they only seem vaguely interested, they don't even plan on being with you that long.