Girls Night Out...

I felt the need to address such an event due to the fact that Men view a Ladies Night out on the town much different than the women who take part in such an extravaganza. Fellas, I understand that when you see a group of women out at a bar or club, dressed to the proverbial "T," you automatically put them in the target category. Men often make the assumption that these women are dressing this way to attract a potential mate. This couldn't be further from the truth. Granted, women do dress nicely if they know a man they are interested in will be at a particular place, but for the most part it's not YOU that these ladies are dressing up for.

Men are thought to be the more competitive of the two genders. They have high testosterone levels and seem to be dependant on competition for survival. However, women are just as competitive as men, but show it in different ways. A prime example of their competitive drive is the fact that they dress nicely when they're out with the "girls." I know it's probably going to come as a shock to some men, but women dress up to impress OTHER WOMEN, not US!!

For women, it's perfectly fine to spend a night out with the ladies having fun while not looking to "hook up" or spend time with men in general. As men it's hard for us to understand this due to the fact this is the sole purpose behind a night out on the town. The fact that we are visual creatures makes it more difficult for us not to constantly be on the prowl for an attractive woman. However, we shouldn't be upset when we see an attractive group of ladies who seem to have little to NO interest or don't respond favorably to our advances.

Women go out with each other to have fun and dance, both of which don't require a man!!!

Defining The Relationship

Have you ever dated someone but the title of Boyfriend or Girlfriend remained elusive? Did you have that awkward "what are we" talk? If so you have taken part in the uncomfortable but necessary act of Defining the Relationship (DTR.) DTR is something many of us dread as it is either the beginning or the end of a potential long-term relationship.

DTRs can be scary. Done too soon (before a relationship has had some time to develop naturally) they can convey desperation and push the other person away. But they can also be done too late. People who don't want to mess up the delicate dance of a relationship may put off a DTR as long as possible. They might prefer to just enjoy their connection and hope for the best from each other rather than going through the awkward process of asking what their connection means in terms of exclusivity and the future.

Done right, however, a DTR can save couples months (even years) of heartache. As tempting as it can be to simply enjoy having someone to hang out with, to be a listening ear or to share affection, it's important for your heart, your future and even your spiritual health to clarify what you have and where it's going. Sometimes the best thing that can happen as a result of a DTR is that a couple will realize they don't have a future together and can go their separate ways before getting more entangled.

What She Really Means When She Says...

As men, we often are confused by the comments that come out of a woman's mouth. And for good reason!!! Women rarely say what they mean, but almost always mean what they say. The key is to pay attention and if confused, ask a female friend what she means when she makes certain comments. Sure, she might side step the question, but its probably because she expects you to figure it out. So here are a few examples to get the ball rolling.

What She Says: I like you, but I don't want to ruin our friendship.
What She Means: I have zero interest in dating you. Not now, not ever, so don't even bother asking again.

What She Says: Do we really have to go to that party tonight?
What She Means: I'd rather chew on nails than make conversation with your loser friends.


What She Says: Does my butt look big in this?
What She Means: Please tell me you find my ass delicious and can't keep your eyes or hands off it.


What She Says: Do you think she's pretty?
What She Means: Do you think she's prettier than I am? And even if you do, don't you dare say yes.


What She Says: Are you seeing anyone right now?
What She Means: How fast can you break up with your current girlfriend?


What She Says: Where do you see this going?
What She Means: Am I just a booty call or wife material?


What She Says: Are you wearing that?
What She Means: Please change immediately before someone sees you and I die of embarrassment.


What She Says: Where have you been?
What She Means: You're really late and you better do some groveling. Now!


What She Says: Are you telling the truth?
What She Means: You're lying, I know it, and I'm testing you.

What She Says: Oh, how do you know her?
What She Means: Did you sleep with that slut?

Top 10 Mistakes Men Make With Women

If you've ever wondered why men who aren't as smart or attractive as you seem to have more luck with women, then you're probably doing a few things wrong. Men make many common mistakes that quash their chances of hitting it off with otherwise great girlfriend material. Check this list to see if you've been doing it wrong all this time.

Mistake #1: Being Too Nice. Yup, you can be too nice. "Nice" guys make great friends, but it's hard for women to feel attracted to you if you're nothing but polite and boring. It's sad, but true - it's no wonder why women prefer bad boys over nice guys.

Mistake #2: Trying To Convince Her To Like You. When a woman isn't interested in you and you try to "convince" her to feel differently, you're wasting your time. You can't reason your way into her heart - all, if she doesn't "feel" it for you, you can't expect her to change by being "reasonable."

Mistake #3: Depending On Her Approval. This goes without saying, but nobody likes a kiss-up. Women won't like you if you keep trying to get their approval or "permission." Of course, this doesn't mean you have to treat her badly, but kissing up is just plain annoying.

Mistake #4: "Buying" Your Way To Her Affection. You've probably treated a woman to dinner and bought her nice things with hopes that she'll like you for the attention. She won't - in fact, it'll give her the idea that you're trying to hide your insecurities behind your money. Women see this as manipulation, and it's a clear red flag for them.

Mistake #5: Laying Out All Your Cards Too Early. Here's a fact: attractive women get a lot of attention from men, and are used to confessions. If you tell her how you feel too early, she'll think you're just like everyone else!

Mistake #6: Thinking Women Feel Attraction The Same Way You Do. This is a no-brainer, but men instantly feel attracted when they see a young, beautiful, sexy woman. But if you think women are turned on primarily by physical appearances too, then you're dead wrong.

Mistake #7: Thinking It's All About Money And Looks. Many men think that their money and looks, or lack thereof, dictates the kind of women suited for them. Having this limiting mindset might make you miss out on a real chance at love.

Mistake #8: Letting Her Walk All Over You. This is similar to Mistake #3. Some men give their power to women in hopes of getting their approval. Well, news flash: Nobody likes a wussy.

Mistake #9: Not Knowing What To Do In Each Situation. Here's a tip: women are about ten times better than you when it comes to reading body language. So when you're secretly wanting to kiss her on your first date, she knows it (and probably doesn't mind). But if you act all nervous and don't do a thing, you ruin everything.

Mistake #10: Not Getting Help. While it's true that no two women are the same, it's also true that if you don't do your homework, you'll keep getting disappointed. When talking to women, pay attention and make mental notes. Remember, chance favors the prepared mind.

Calling in the Reserves

I remember when I was younger and my relatives always asked me what I wanted to do. I always used to say a writer or a lawyer. To my disappointment, they would always tell me how hard it was to make it in those fields and to have a back-up plan just in case that didn't work out. I think at some point all of us have had a conversation similar to that in our lives when discussing where we wanted to go with our lives. So, I guess I, along with countless others, have also injected that principle into our love lives as well. I mean, why not have a back-up plan when it comes to the heart as well right?.....Right?.....(crickets)



Trust me when I say that I don't really believe this is the correct way to approach relationship, but have been guilty of applying said principle to my own love life. The sad thing is, that most people have their "back-up" girl or guy for the sole purpose of providing a confidence boost when the relationships they really want to work fall through. So perhaps a better word would be "consolation prize" rather than "back-up" plan. Our natural fear of being alone is most certainly the cause of such a lifestyle, but we are the ones who make the decision to be that way.



So, how do I tell if I'm the "consolation prize" or the "back-up" plan? Well, if you don't know how to see those signs, chances are you already are. There are tell-tale signs of being thought of as someones back up plan. The warning signs are very similar to that of being a victim of the "texter" or in the friend zone, but have a few differences.

5 Warning Signs of Being Second String:

1). Receiving a Weekend Night Text or Call to Hang Out

2). Being Referred to as a Friend In Public

3). Hang Outs are always at His/Her Place

4). Real Convo's Are Few and Far Between

5). Being labeled as "One of the Guys," "Sweet" or "Nice"

Top 5 Ways to Compliment a Woman

The art of flattery has taken a major evolutionary turn over the last few years and Men have bore the brunt of the pain when it comes to falling short of the glory that is complimenting a woman. Whether you're out on a first date, meeting a girl for a drink or simply trying to get a number, you must be careful about your tactics when letting a woman know you're attracted to her.



Comments such as, "You look very nice tonight," "You're beautiful," "You have gorgeous eyes," etc. etc. etc. don't really take the cake anymore. Woman want you to be direct, sincere and more importantly specific when throwing a compliment their way. So listen close, I'm going to shed some light on the subject so that perhaps one day, we men can actually be ahead of the game.


1). Be Specific


Telling a woman that she is beautiful is nice but doesn't take much thought. Most women have heard this old line more times than they can count on both hands. If you want her to remember you, pick something specific to compliment her on, preferably something most people wouldn't notice. For example, point out that the muscles in her calves are very defined and strong. Express your admiration for a woman who works out like she does.

2). Don't Forget Her Mind

Guys tend to hone in on all of the physical traits of a woman when they are looking for something to compliment. Instead, listen to what she is telling you. If she goes on for fifteen minutes over dinner about the last six books she's read this month, tell her how impressed you are with her dedication to reading. Praise her for learning about so many different topics in such a short period of time.

3). Notice What Others Don't

Women take great care in thinking about what they are going to wear and how they will accessorize their outfit. Be attentive to the choices that she has made. Tell her how dainty her feet look in the "strappy" heels she's wearing. Compliment the fashionable necklace she's chosen to accentuate her neckline. She will be impressed that you have taken notice of the little things that most men overlook.

4). Be Sincere

You may be a multimillionaire, but do not make the whole compliment sound like 'I, Me and Myself'. You are talking about her, so speak about her. Do not go overboard with your compliment by comparing her to Marylin Monroe when she is aware she is a plain Jane. However, if you have met a girl who looks like the goddess of beauty, make sure you compliment her generously.

5). Timing is EVERYTHING

Being a little self-conscious is built in to the make-up of most women. Trying to keep up with society's views on beauty and competing with other women keeps her on edge. Pay attention to when she looks like she's having an insecure moment (like when a skinnier woman walks by wearing something revealing), and deliver a perfectly timed compliment right when it's needed.

Make Yourself More Approachable

1. BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION

Want to be the one who gets noticed? Stand in the center of the room. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of several books and nationally-known expert in the field of spatial psychology, where you are in a room (and what you're doing) has a lot to do with your ability to attract the opposite sex. Where should you be for the highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties? Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around a bit. (But don't pace a track on the carpet for goodness sake...)

If you're in a bar or nightclub, the best place to be is at one of the corners on the bar. Not only will you meet more people, but, according to Mehrabian, bartenters tend to gravitate toward the corners as well. Interesting conversation AND a full drink? You'll feel like you've died and gone to dating heaven. The worst place to be seen? Hanging out near the wall or sitting at a table. That hot stranger approaching your table and asking "may I join you" only happens in the movies.

2. THE COLOR LURE

What color can you wear to compel the opposite sex to approach you?

According to Color Consultant Leatrice Eiseman, Director of the Pantone Color Institute and author of Colors For Your Every Mood, women are attracted to men wearing the color blue. And why wouldn't we be? According to Eiseman, guys who frequently wear blue are "stable, faithful, constant and always there." The blue guy is a fantastic candidate for a long-term relationship - someone who's dependable, momogomous and can match his own clothes.

And what about the ladies? Eiseman says women should wear a pink- peach to make themselves most approachable. The color is "very flattering to most skin tones, it gives you healthy glow," and according to Eiseman, projects "a little vulnerability which brings out something protective in men."


3. BODY TALK THAT REELS 'EM IN

How do you use body language to attract the opposite sex?

If you're a woman, the key is to make yourself approachable. According to nationally-respected body language expert and professional speaker, Patti Wood, you want to make yourself a "safe" (read approachable) target. How do you accomplish that? Don't take up a lot of space (which is a sign of power and superiority.) Wood says, "we are strong women, but remember, we're trying to get a man to come over and talk to us." She explains, "you have to show you have room for someone else in your life."

For men, appearing more dominant effectively draws the attraction of women. To attract women, stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart, and toes pointing outward. Feel free to take up some space. For men who are victims of the "nice guy" badge, or who appear to be too submissive to attract women, try taking your Y chromosome out for a spin. According to Mehrabian, men should "try wearing bulkier or more conservative hairstyles or clothing," hold your head up, and speed up your speech and gestures to be more assertive.

Body language tips for both sexes: Don't fold your arms and don't chew on gum, ice or your fingernails. According to Wood, the chewing indicates anxiety or frustration, neither of which are very attractive emotions.

4. THE POWER OF A SMILE

Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the most important things you can do to make yourself more attractive (and approachable) is to smile. Not a great big plastic game-show smile, just your normal "I'm having a great time and I'm happy to be here" face will do the trick. According to Wood, "the smile is the international signal of friendliness."

5. TEMPTING WITH SCENT

Studies show that men associate the scents of cinnamon and vanilla with love. To make the scents work for you, try baking some ready-made cinnamon rolls about an hour before your date arrives, or, wear a cinnamon-vanilla scented perfume (there's a fabulous one called "Man Magnet" at www.stopgettingdumped.com.)

Aromatherapy experts have long-believed cinnamon to be an aphrodisiac. According to Laura Davimes, aromatherapy and herb expert , and owner of Herban Avenues, "certain aromatic plants exude oils similar to our own sexual secretions or pheromones. Wearing cinnamon/vanilla blends increases the presence of pheromone-like substances and dramatically increases attraction."

Mistake #10

Taking a Girlfriends Advice

Let's say I was an alcoholic and wanted to get some help in order to put a stop to my destructive behavior. Would I a). Ask my family for help b). Quit, Cold Turkey c). Attend an AA meeting d). Go discuss it with my friends over a drink

?????

Obviously, answers A and C are the best available answers. And B at least shows I have a real desire to quit. Choosing D implies that I not only have ZERO desire to change my lifestyle, but that I have a REAL problem in the fact I'm ignorant in knowing who to ask for help. Now, I hope I wasn't too subtle in my hinting that women tend to ask the worst people for relationship advice. They'd choose their own form of answer d)....GIRLFRIENDS!!!

Girlfriends often have a tendency to tell white lies to each other in hopes of avoiding hurt feelings or conflict in general. Which shows both that they care and are careless when it comes to your true feelings. When in the beginning stages of a relationship, one must be open to where the relationship is going or not going.

Talking to a girlfriend who drinks from the well of bitterness will be counter-productive and should be avoided at all costs. Girlfriends will also allow you to make excuses for a man's faulty behavior or MISREAD MALES SIGNALS and attempt to educate you accordingly. This might be the "Cardinal Sin" of relationship advice, so please steer clear of such advice at all costs


Reminding yourself that ALL MEN AREN'T THE SAME will be a key factor in avoiding such a mistake.

Mistake #9

Lack of Self-Awareness

A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman...And I don't mean just sex.

I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you. And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help! If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.

Mistake #8

Trying to Convince Him to Like or Love You...

What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious? Right! They try to “convince” the man to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you...YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION! Never, ever, ever.

You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”. Think about it. If a man doesn't “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being “reasonable” with him?But we all do it. Men are the worst at this by the way. They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts.

Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man. She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him. When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.

Bad idea. Another one that will never work.

Mistake #7

Expecting HIM to Make YOU Happy...

A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled. And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens. But those are the exceptions, not the rule.

Nothing says “Run!” to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her.And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there. Think, “controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!”

I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever. But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her. It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either...If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless. This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man.

You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more “natural” way, where he'll be motivated to make you care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own. This is the only way it really works for people - male or female. Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation. But you have to know how to create this situation with a man... and it rarely happens by accident.

Mistake # 6

Relying On Female Intuition In Regards to Men

People aren't easy to figure out. Especially men.

The last several years of my life I've spent hundreds of hours learning to understand people. I've studied peoples behavior, “inner psychology” and more specifically how they think and act when they're dating.From what I've seen, both men and women have their own secret ways of saying things. But you can only see these secret communications if you know what to look for.

Women communicate with hints, body language, sarcasm, and flirting when they're first getting to know a man. They can either directly or indirectly let men know if they're open to something more serious.

Men generally communicate with sarcasm, humor, cockiness and other “indirect” displays of status. VERY RARELY will a man be able to honestly communicate to a woman whether or not he's ready or capable of developing a meaningful relationship.

Aside from their sexual interests, men send very indirect signals about where they're at. If you don't know how to read through the signals men send, then you'll get the wrong message. Getting the wrong messages from men causes women more pain and heartache than any other issue around. You can avoid this pain if you learn to identify a good man from a bad one.

Mistake #5

Misreading Male Signals

Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves. Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are.

The signals men send have 4 main levels:

1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction

2) Emotional: Whether or not he's “emotionally available”

3) Physical: If he's attracted to you... and for what reasons

4) Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future

The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident. That's great news to women... Men can't help it! You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man.