The Approach

Men have always had different ways of approaching women and probably always will. I can't honestly say that there is one or two specific ways to approach a woman as each woman responds to each man differently. Some men are charming, some are very good looking, some are bad boys, some are successful, etc. All of these men should use what they are to their advantage when approaching a woman right from the get-go. Because all it takes is saying or doing the wrong thing and you could blow your chances.

So I guess the important part is nailing the approach. Like I said, each man should approach women in a different way by using their strengths and avoiding their weaknesses. Instead of making the mistake of trying to push my strengths upon you, I'm going to share with you the 10 ways you should NEVER approach a woman!!


1) Giving her a lame compliment - by opening her with something like "you're so beautiful, can I take you out sometime?". You are immediately conveying lower status, because you are the one that wants to buy her approval. I'm not saying don't give compliments, but you need to pepper it within the conversation about things you notice about her apart from her physical appearance.

2) Immediately doing her a favor when she has done nothing to earn it - This is when a guy buys a girl a drink for no apparent reason. He does her a favor, like buying her a drink. What does this do? He shows to the girl that he is trying to impress her with money and is supplicating immediately to her. Thus lowering his own status.

3) Approaching her while speaking too quietly- This shows to her you are afraid of letting her know you are there. Do not come up from behind when you approach her, instead let her know you are walking up to her. Also, when you talk to her, make sure she hears you.

4) Giving little eye contact - Many guys are afraid to look at a women in the eye when he is talking to her. A man who looks straight into the women's eyes tells her that he is a high status male, he knows what he is doing and he is very confident. This is attractive. Looking elsewhere when attempting to approach her is not.

5) Being "the drunk guy" - Women do not appreciate being just hit on by "the drunk guy" because you show her you are not confident enough to talk to her without being boozed up with alcohol. No confidence equates to being a lower status male and this is not attractive.


6) Not being able to create a presence - when a man approaches a women, he needs to let her know he is there, and create a presence. Owning your own space and acquiescing to others spatially lets her know that you are not comfortable being there. If you're not comfortable you're not confident, and you are not attractive. This is not how to approach women. Instead, you should be holding yourself in an accommodating position where you are relaxed with a confident pose, especially if there are other guys around.

7) Trying too HARD to say the right things - This comes down to the fact that many men are goal orientated when they meet women. The focus is not to get anything from her but rather just enjoy the interaction between you two. If you can do this then the pressure of performance is lifted and you will pass the female screening test for men. Because, you are not out to get something from her.

8) Ignoring her friends- Remember, friends to a women are very important. Thus, if you ignore her friends, your intentions will be obvious and you will be perceived as that guy who is obviously trying to hit on her and being rude to her friends. This is not attractive and does not help. Further, you'll look antisocial and seem as if you have no social intelligence. You will make the whole situation seem awkward and weird.

9) Asking for the number too soon - The interaction should be fun and amusing for both of you. If you are there just to get her number, then you have an agenda thus you will be putting the interaction in a box. Things will not be able to move smoothly and it will kill any rapport that you had. Some guys think of getting her phone number as a reward to give her. If she is cool enough then you want to hang out with her. Not the other way around. Thus, you should only ask for her number if you are comfortable with her, and don't make it too soon so it would be obvious.

10) Not initiating flirting - Unless you want to be categorized as a friend only, you don't want to be the guy who does no flirting. Flirting in itself creates attraction. Without flirting then there is also really no point in approaching!

The Romantic

I hear women of all types make comments about wanting to be with a more romantic man. But, what do they mean by this? Is it that he doesn't bring her flowers before a date night? Does he not pay attention to the meaning behind the words she is speaking? Or is it that his idea of a hot date a trip to the ball game and beers afterwards? No matter how you slice it, women want a man who makes an effort, pays attention and isn't afraid of making himself vulnerable through a "romantic" act. What does it mean to be romantic?! Well even though I'm not Webster, I feel as though I can put enough pieces together to form my own definition of what women see as a romantic.

A Romantic is someone who pursues love as if it is the end all and be all of his life. He makes it a point to let his partner know she's not only loved, but appreciated. Though he may come across as a little aggressive, his assertiveness in the realm of love creates an allure unknown to the common man. Above all else he puts his heart on the line endlessly giving in hopes of finding a "true" love.

As sappy and corny as the above definition might seem to be, every woman secretly wants the Knight in Shining Armor and such a person would definitely fall under the category of a Romantic. What makes such a man so alluring is his disregard for his own emotions in the pursuit of love. A Romantic is the type of man that every girl hopes they meet, but they rarely find as they typically dismiss this type of man as they initially come across as either desperate or clingy.

So the question I ask myself is this, do women really want a romantic man or are they just enamored with the idea of being romanced?

The Silver Tongued Devil

So many woman complain about falling victim to a smooth talking man. Yet these same women are probably the ones who continue to fall for the same shit over and over again. I'm not saying that all men who know how to speak to women are assholes, but what I am saying is that typically, if something seems to good to be true, it is!!

Women love men who carry themselves in a confident manner and know how to communicate effectively, which makes them susceptible to an attack from the "silver tongued devil." I'm not sure the problem lies in the men that are using what God gave them to achieve specific goals as much as women having the "blinders" on. What I mean by this is that so many women fail to pay complete attention to what men say and often don't put the necessary pieces together to see if he's full of shit or not.

Here are 5 traits of the type of man you may be attracted to, but should ultimately steer clear of unless you consider yourself the "worthy opponent" :

1. They are relaxed, confident, and "into" the person they are talking to.

2. They display presence of mind- a deep sense of themselves as individuals... they are not afraid to be themselves. This is probably the biggest difference between timid introverts and extroverts is that they are not afraid to express their opinions and identity.

3. They speak simply and directly to - not at- the person they are talking with. They are also aware of the feelings of the other person and react accordingly.

4. They have command of their material. They know exactly where they are headed with everything they are saying.

5. Long after you forget what they said- you remember how they said it.

The Cycle

Have you ever wondered why your relationships seem familiar at one point or another? Does it bother you that no matter who you're with, you often follow a similar relationship pattern? Do you find yourself thinking that you must be different because you're relationships have a tendency to fail because of such patterns? The answer to the three questions is probably a resounding yes, but I urge you not to panic!! You aren't weird, strange or remotely different. You are just stuck in the modern day relationship cycle! You might be wondering what I mean by "the cycle," so let me enlighten you.

We've all fallen victim to the cycle at some point in our dating lives whether we want to admit it or not. Unfortunately or Fortunately, depending on how you view relationships, men and women are both looking for the same thing when seeking a significant other, "the rush." What I mean by "the rush," is the odd and alluring interest in certain members of the opposite sex. This rush is what we are looking to feel inside for the entirety of any and all relationships. I'm sure I'm not bursting your bubble when I tell you this, but this rush doesn't last forever, and when we finally realize that it doesn't we try to seek it elsewhere. Enter, the Cycle...

The Cycle is broken into 9 steps and if you pay close attention, you will undoubtedly see parallels in your own relationships.

Step 1: Striking Gold

We see or meet someone of the opposite sex that sparks an uncontrollable desire to get to know them on both a personal and intimate level.

Step 2: Dating

You display your best features and hide the bad ones, resulting in either rejection or falling in "love."

Step 3: Romance

Time moves on. Swell of passion begins to fade. He/she is still perfect . . . mostly, well except maybe for this one little thing...

Step 4: Honeymoon's Over

A wide assortment of minor problems emerge, usually each party blaming the other, either loudly or secretly.

Step 5: Wake Up Call

Problems, issues, and troubles.Infatuation fully fades away. You realize that this other person is just another normal, flawed, breathing, scratching, coughing, fearful, complicated human being, just like yourself, more or less. Often this is accompanied by feelings of betrayal, of having been wronged, let down, disappointed, or hurt.

Step 6: Change of Heart

You realize that your partner really wasn't the answer to your problems and start to feel like you're back at square one. Alone!

Step 7: To Be or Not To Be

This step depends largely on how you react to your sudden realization...do you break up or stay together? Get or divorce or work it out?

Step 8: The Aftermath

Typically if you're at this step you've decided to move on and take some time to reflect. And by reflect I mean blame the entire destruction of the relationship on the other person and find someone "better."

Step 9: The Next Gold Mine

Ahh...Back to Step 1!!!