Boundaries...

A successful relationship is composed of two individuals each with a clearly defined sense of her or his own identity. Without our own understanding of self, of who we are and what makes us unique, it is difficult to engage in the process of an ongoing relationship in a way that is functional and though not always smooth is a safe environment that generally enhances each of the partners. We need a clear sense of self in order to clearly and unambiguously communicate our needs and desires to our partner.

When we have a strong conception of our own identity, we do not feel threatened by the intimacy of the relationship and can appreciate and love those qualities in our partner that make him or her a unique person. When two people come together, each with a clear definition of her or his own individuality, the potential for intimacy and commitment can be astounding. The similarities between two people may bring them together, but in an ideal partnership, sometimes called interdependent, their differences are respected and contribute to the growth of their relationship which aids in the growth of the individuals in that relationship.

One feature of a healthy sense of self is the way we understand and work with our emotional boundaries. Personal boundaries are the limits we set in relationships that allow us to protect our selves from being manipulated by, or enmeshed with, emotionally needy others. Such boundaries come from having a good sense of our own self-worth. They make it possible for us to separate our own thoughts and feelings from those of others and to take responsibility for what we think, feel and do. Boundaries are part of the biological imperative of maturation as we individuate and become adult people in our own right.

We are, all of us unique, and boundaries allow us to rejoice in our own uniqueness. Healthy intact boundaries are flexible, they allow us to get close to others when it is appropriate and to maintain our distance when we might be harmed by getting too close. Good boundaries protect us from becoming engulfed in abusive relationships and pave the way to achieving true intimacy, the flipside of independence, as we grow to interdependence the relationship of two mature individuals. They help us take care of ourselves and if we can receive it, to respect the selves of others.

The Ways to a Man's Heart

Don't worry, I'm not going to rant and rave about a man's desire to have a woman cook, clean and love sports as a pre-requisite to the seemingly daunting task of pleasing us. To be honest it's really not that difficult of a formula, but at the same time requires thought. The days of men only needing sex, food, sleep and entertainment in a relationship are far gone and I feel it's my civic duty to inform women that men require some of the same things women do to make a relationship work.

10 Ways to Let Him Know You Care...

1) Make Him Feel Masculine - Everyone man wants to know he is both needed and wanted in areas that don't encompass the realm of romantic love. Assuring him that he is your protector and that you are somewhat dependant on him will go a long way in showing that you are truly invested.

2) Be Flirtatious - OK when I say this I don't mean flirt with any and every guy you see or be overly friendly in general with the male gender. I mean that just because you are in a relationship with a guy, you don't have to stop having that flirty personally when around him. Be playful and somewhat teasing. It keeps him wanting more.

3) Be Complimentary - Never hesitate to let him know what you like about him. Men, much like women, need consistent reassurance that you like certain things we do or how we look. Does this sound needy?! Perhaps, but lets face it, both sexes fit that bill.

4) Feed His Ego - This probably could go along with being complimentary, but it's important enough to mention twice. Men enjoy a woman who acts a little protective and jealous. Showing ownership lets us know that he is both loved and appreciated.

5) Appreciate Him - Women have a tendency to expect men to go out of their way to make them feel loved. So, for once, do something similar in return. Don't be afraid to put in a little effort.

6) Boast - Boast about the great things he does to your friends while he can hear. He’ll be very flattered, and feel really appreciated. It’ll also encourage him to do it again, so you benefit too!

7) Say I Love You... - Tell him. You’d be surprised how many women forget to say those simple words. Tell him he looks hot, or that you miss him, and that you can’t wait to see him after work. It’ll mean more than you can ever imagine.

8) Make Plans - Do you usually meet the girls on a Saturday night, or visit your parents on a Sunday? Giving him time and attention is the best way to show that you love him!

9) Buy Him Something - Grab his favourite chocolate bar on the way home from work, plan a little in advance and buy him his teams shirt or just a beer. Buy him something that shows that you know him, and what he likes. It doesn’t need to be big, he’ll be flattered anyway.

10) Be Confident - Be who you are, and show confidence in yourself. Men can’t love women they don’t respect, so be who you are, love yourself and make him respect and admire you!!!!

10 Ways to Make Her Smile

If you want to make a woman or girl in your life smile, it really doesn't take that much effort. A poor man can make any woman smile one hundred times more then a rich man, by doing some of these ultra simple time things.

All women want is to feel like they are REALLY wanted and cared for. That's it in a nutshell guys. Grab a pen and paper, because this is your common sense 101 crash course on what women around the world want.


1) Tell her she is beautiful or gorgeous (not fine or sexy).

2) Hold her hand at any moment...even if it's just for a second.

3) Kiss her on the forehead/neck.

4) Recognize the small things...they usually mean the most to her.

5) Introduce her to family and friends...as your girlfriend. (Not ummm…my friend)

6) Play with her hair. (Especially run your hands through it.)

7) Bring her flowers. (Make sure they're her favourite flower. So, make sure you know!)

8) Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone with her.

9) Look her in the eyes, and smile for no reason.

10) If you're in love with her, tell her.