The Give and Take

One way or another a relationship between a man and a woman typically possesses a giver and a taker. Sure, you might find that rare relationship in which both sides equally give and take, but a vast majority of people are inherently givers or takers. Finding a relationship which has a healthy balance of give and take is commonly referred to as an organic phenomenon. Successful relationships are characterized as but are not limited to the following: connectedness, attraction, selection, closeness, mutuality, intimacy, sharing, enhanced communication, rules, fidelity, loyalty, a commitment and a sense of continuity.

Typically, Givers are the ones with a positive grasp on reality. They have a tendency to fix their own problems and have a strong desire to help others fix their problems in a similar fashion. Takers, on the other hand commonly play the role of the victim. These types have a tendency to constantly look for ways to control the relationship while making excuses for their own faulty behavior.

As you can see this can create a situation in which at first, both sides are attracted to one another for opposing reasons. The giver sees the taker as a "project" in which he/she can fix as the taker sees the giver as a "security blanket" in which he/she can control or manipulate without showing vulnerability. This creates the perfect equation for the common "unhappy" relationship. Logically it makes sense that these two types of people are drawn to one another initially. However it's also fairly clear that in a long term relationship these two types of people will grow to loath and resent one another. So the question is why do so many of us remain in such a union?

For the giver, several things impact his/her decision to remain in this type of relationship. Givers typically give both physically and emotionally in an attempt to show how much they truly care. They also usually have a type A personality which makes it difficult to swallow the fact that they might not be able to find a solution to the problem at hand. The combination of these things along with his/her insecurity makes it even more difficult for the giver to see just how toxic the relationship has become.

As for the taker, there are also several factors that contribute to their complacency. The taker, who longs for control in fear of getting hurt, is in control in this particular relationship and doesn't want to lose his/her "security blanket." He/She also possesses the ability to have a relationship without making much of an effort due to the givers work ethic. Despite attempts to confine himself from emotional attachment, the taker does in fact care for the giver which in turn makes it difficult to let go.