The "One"

Do you believe in Unicorns? How about Big Foot? OK, the Loch Ness Monster? I am going to assume that the answer to these questions is a resounding no. However, I am concerned that many of the same people who answered no to the questions above, say "yes" to the oft asked, "Do you believe in the one?" Depending on your upbringing, magazines you've read or the romantic comedies you've watched you might very well be one of the unfortunate few who still believe in Mr./Mrs. "Right."

Having never been married or divorced I am not going to spit out the skewed divorce rate statistics that we hear on a regular basis. However I will ask you to look back at your own past relationships. How did you handle them?! As humans we are all apt to make mistakes, but when relationships don't work out, many of us are too quick to point the finger. It seems much of the time we tend to overlook good qualities and point out the bad in our significant other because we are simply expecting them to be perfect, or in other words our tainted idea of "the one."

So what are the credentials for "the one?" How do we come up with them? Do we set ourselves up for failure by unrealistic expectations?

Typically when one comprises a list of attributes they are looking for in a companion, it consists of all the positives of past partners. So in essence what we are looking for borders between fantasy and delusion. Hoping to meet someone with all the traits you are looking for isn't bad, but more often than not it's unrealistic. It's difficult not to strive for a storybook relationship with a Hollywood ending when searching for a partner, but expecting to meet someone who's all good and no bad is relatively immature.

Perhaps the problem lies in the idea that each of us has a type. The truth is we all do have certain characteristics we are drawn to, however the problem is matching our physical desires and emotional demands with one person. You are more likely to see a UFO then find a partner with all of the good characteristics and none of the ones which rub you the wrong way. Expecting quality is obviously a good thing and I would never ask you to settle for something less than what makes you happy.

However an average person meets around 100,000 people in his lifetime. And out of those thousands of people you think there is only one person for you?!? If so you're in for a big surprise and an even lonelier journey to relational solitude.