An "I" for an "I"

On Monday, I briefly touched on the aspect of people becoming increasingly selfish in monogamous relationships. When listening to friends, family and acquaintances discuss relationships I always hear people say, "I want," or "I need" and maybe even "I wish he or she would do this...," when discussing their respective relationships. However I rarely hear any "We" statements or comments such as "I need to work on..," or "I made a mistake..." in conversations about one's significant other. Obviously I'm not around these individuals or couples on a regular basis, but I do believe there is something fundamentally wrong with this way of thinking in regards to a relationship.



I remember when I was about 20 years old and discussing a relationship with my father. I kept saying "I wish," "I want," and "I need" in my comments I was making about my girlfriend at the time. He stopped me and said, "Christopher, if you ever want to be with someone long term you have to stop thinking I and start thinking we." To my dismay, I still remember that conversation like it was yesterday. I am as guilty as any person of being selfish in my relationships but have, through repeated mistakes, come to realize how important it is to, on occasion, put my significant others needs first.

Contrary to popular belief, relationship aren't about power or even about being in control. The want or need to be in control is a direct reflection of insecurity. Upon entering a relationship, each person is afraid of getting hurt, but one might say that to be in a relationship is to be vulnerable. By saying this, I am not saying you are to be completely selfless when romantically involved, because that's just an open invitation to be taken advantage of. What I am saying is that you must decide if the person you are with is more important than a particular want or "need." More importantly, you must be able to determine if you are mature enough to be able to give enough to even be involved in a long-term relationship.

So, I guess the consensus might be that we are in fact our own worst enemy when it comes to romance.