Getting Played?

As silly and immature as it sounds, the initial stages of most relationships can be classified as a game. Most people like to play games, but hate to lose them. The relationship game is slightly different than most games, but more often than not, there is a winner and a loser. Unlike the loser of most competitive games who simply move on without a thought, the loser of the relationship game suffers an emotional defeat unlike any other. They have to wake up every day, a week or perhaps months with the idea that they just weren't good enough.

Though both the winner and loser are classified as players of the game, the true "player" is the winner. He/She usually has a knack for the game due to the fact that he has mastered both the art of manipulation and the idea that the control of any relationship belongs to the person who cares least. The fact that this person couldn't care less whether or not the "loser" is in their life is the sole reason that they maintain control over their partner, or in this situation the "adversary."

At some point in our dating lives, the majority will "get played." However a vast majority of daters will also play the "winner" in this childish dating game. So if we hate that dating has become a game, we can most certainly point the finger at ourselves as a contributing factor. Dating is and will forever be a game as long as people are afraid of vulnerability. I mean, who wants to put themselves out there with the chance that someone might in beat them at the game?

Will the dating game ever change? Probably not. In fact I fear things will get worse before they ever get better. Another question is why would we want it to? I compare going on a date with someone you know will sleep with you to playing a basketball against a team you know you will beat. Sure, it feels good for a moment, but when the game's over, you're right back where you started...unsatisfied. Perhaps the chase is the sole reason dating excites us to begin with. Or maybe it's because on the inside we are still children and doing things we are not supposed to do gives us an unexplainable rush...

The point is that as much as people dislike the game that dating has become, it is in fact the "game" that keeps us interested. So unless we wake up one day and are suddenly satisfied by other things that we have (excluding children,) why would we ever change the way we approach the wonderful yet frustrating world of dating?!

Honesty: The One True Con

Statistically speaking, 8 out of 10 people list honesty as their #1 virtue when it comes to a potential mate. So I feel it's safe to say that we find honestly more than slightly endearing. However, it's easy to confuse genuine honesty with someone using honesty as a disarming technique. Honesty is a particularly good quality that can be used as a weapon when trying to fool or "con" someone into a romantic or sexual encounter.

So how does someone use honesty in a dishonest way?

Let me give you a couple of prime examples of how this can play out. As a man, if interested in a woman it's imperative that I overcome the stigma of being interested in just sex, even if that's not the case. So how do I do so? I could tell her how much different I am than the other guys she's met (lie.) Maybe I could go with the line, I've never met a girl I couldn't figure in 5 minutes before, eluding to the fact that I think she's different (lie.) Oh I know, I'll use the classic line that I'm guarded so it's been hard for me to get close to someone bit (biggest lie ever told.)

These are all lies that most women, either through past relationships or the newest romantic comedy have heard before. So what's the easiest way to remedy the situation. By being completely honest!!! Sure, it seems too simple and remedial to be effective, but sometimes less is more. More often than not people fail to pay attention to the motive behind honest words, therefore making honesty a very powerful weapon. Enter the Con...

Let's say you meet someone, the two of you start to vibe and converse, and the more and more you talk to this person they tell you things that people normally aren't up front about the first time you meet them. He talks about past relationships, bad habits, faults, etc....you know, the types of things that people like to keep guarded so you won't dismiss them due to their shortcomings. Now, you might be the type of person to run from such openness, however if you're over the age of 22, chances are you find the fact that this persons' willingness to open up both charming and refreshing.

Hook, Line, and Sinker....


They've already achieved in one conversation what most people take a few dates to achieve. He has made you feel like you're a part of his story or life drawing you closer and yearning for more.

Men also bank on the "challenge factor" when it comes to using honesty as a weapon. On the occasion a man will use the "your less than nothing to me" me approach. And I'll give you a hint, this is not a lie, because odds are he really couldn't care less about you. However some women view this as he's playing "hard to get" or he's just trying to be cute or mysterious assuming he's being dishonest about the "good guy" inside of him. WRONG!!! He's using the fact that he's being honest about not caring to his benefit, and odds are it's probably going to get him laid. If a guy acts like he doesn't care....he genuinely doesn't care!! Yet again honesty has prevailed as the true con.

No ideal or principle is a virtual certainty, but next time you meet someone, I'm certain you'll think twice about automatically thinking that honesty has no ulterior motive.

The Importance of Value

When people see the word "value" the first things that come to mind are most likely money, services and or material things. We are a consumerist society that has become dependent on "things" to make us happy or satisfied. The problem is that this has carried over to how we approach and or deal with romantic relationships. The question of "what can he/she do for me?," has become rampant in the minds of daters, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands,wives, etc. Perhaps that's why the "happy" couple remains so elusive in the dating world today. Do we dismiss or resent people too quickly based on dependency? Is it still possible for a couple to be both independent and co-dependent?

The vast majority of people enjoy when someone buys them a gift, takes them to dinner, or goes out of his/her way to make them feel special. If we didn't, Christmas wouldn't be about gifts and more about spending time with the people you love. (Spare me the "BS" about not caring about such things.) There is nothing wrong with this, however what is wrong is that once we become accustomed to receiving a gift or a service, we become disappointed when it either doesn't happen, remains the same, or doesn't improve. Such an attitude is potentially "fatal" in a relationship as it has a tendency to set our significant other up for failure!

Yes, I'm aware that there are those rare couples who give and take with equal frequency, but there are also people who win the lottery more than once, people that were once blind but can now see and people who escape a catastrophe without a scratch. Bottom line, it's a rarity these days for two people to be in a romantic relationship that isn't laced with resentment. Each is constantly reevaluating the relationship based on their happiness at that particular moment as opposed to looking at the bigger picture. Compatible couples both give and take out of love, not out of the desire for temporary satisfaction. I'm not saying you need to give up on your needs or sacrifice your happiness just to please your partner, but don't expect a Range Rover if you only gave a Ford Focus.

Circling back to value, it appears as though we have lost sight of the value of a kiss, hug, gaze, or even a serious conversation. These things are valuable to a relationships because they cannot be replaced, they can't be given to by anybody but your partner. Some people feel that if something is priceless, then it probably has no worth, however in relationships the value of a kiss should equal that of a million dollar pay day.

With Valentines day around the corner I urge you to consider not what you're partner is going to do for you, but how you can show them how much you care. It doesn't matter if it's a dozen roses or a hand made card, if you give because you care, it will always be valuable!!

What Do I Want?!

In my humble opinion, the most important part of the maturation process in every aspect of life is figuring out not only what you want, but how you intend on getting it. We all have dreams, but the difference between fantasy and reality is those who know what they have to sacrifice in order to get what they want. The dream of finding someone to spend your life with is no different than dreaming of getting a great job or buying your "dream car." However, many people approach it differently in that they think that their special someone will just appear out of nowhere, or fate will decide whether or not they will find the man/woman of their dreams.

I hate to break it to you, but most of the successful people in the world didn't become that way by playing the waiting game...


So now that I've discussed how important it is to get off your ass and find your own happiness, allow me to enlighten you on the hardest part of finding what it is you want. Chances are, once you get it, you aren't going to want nearly as bad. And eventually, will begin to lose interest. So am I saying that it's impossible to find what you're looking for and be satisfied?! Not at all. Am I saying that what we want will always evolve, because something new will come along that catches our eye. The key is finding contentment in what we have so that we don't allow our happiness to be dependent on the instant gratification that comes with finding someone new or "better."

I am more guilty than most of always looking for "greener pastures," and it's something I'll have to overcome in order to find true happiness. It isn't easy being content with what we have in a society that constantly pushes products, lifestyles and reality T.V. to make us feel inadequate in regards to our own lives. But the truth is that there are people that look up to the way we live as individuals and wish they had our lives. Perhaps if we realized that we were the object of other peoples envy, we would truly appreciate the lives we had and in turn be content with whom we are spending it with.

Relationships vs Relation"shits"

Attraction must be put into consideration when talking about a romantic relationship. You cannot love someone you are not attracted to, and the first attraction of women towards Men is in a different way to that of Men towards women. Most Men are first attracted to Women by the way they look. Interestingly enough, serious Ladies seek for Human qualities and not the physical beauty of a man, concentration on the personality and behavioral qualities that would make a flitting match for their personality.

Women derive delight and pleasure on a deeper level. This ever so complicated process takes more soul and emotional communication with her partner. Sexual satisfaction for most women does not solely come in a physical form. Women require emotional nurture and need to count on affection and understanding from the partner. Therefore, while the physical counts a lot on the first attraction of a man towards a woman, the physical is totally irrelevant for the woman.

Most often, it is not our fault when a bad relationship happens or a good relationship ends in a bad note, in which more of the ladies innocently fall victims than the Men. How?

The man easily gets physically attracted to the woman (only on few occasions do the reverse occur) and the man could as well easily fake factors of attraction towards him. For example, a woman loves a well- dressed, polite, gentle and very Humble Man. These qualities can easily be faked and patiently maintained for a certain period of time by any interested man, just to ensure he has her to himself. But as for the woman, how can she pretend to be tall, busty and curvy just to get a man who has such taste, which is the direct opposite of what she is? In general, lustful driven acquaintances are mostly triggered by the men.

The point is some relationships which end badly are as a result of a planned intention even before they get started and a large percentage of this situation is well executed by the Men. He sees what he likes and then strategizes on how to get what he wants. Love at first sight rarely ever exists and relationships built on Love are not a one day or one sight process. Gradual growth propelled by building blocks of trust, responsibilities, patience and other good virtues is the key.

Desperation Dating

Are you falling for your date? Fine, but please don't be a desperate dater!!! Yes, you simply adore your date and would love to take the relationship to the next level, but do not ever be a desperate dater. If you are acting desperate, then you will surely end up harming your relationship in the long term. If on the other hand your partner appears desperate, then take note of this and ask yourself why he or she is being so desperate. Is this because the person is in love with you all too soon, or is it because the person has a history of several broken relationships, or perhaps it is just a case of low self confidence and esteem.


Here are 5 Not To's in the Desperate Dating World:

1) Never go out on last minute notices - Perhaps your date has called up just now and asked you to go out in 10 minutes. Say ‘No’. However instead of flatly refusing, say that you are too busy right now, and propose an alternative date. This is important because if you agree, even if you are free, this might set the wrong expectation and you may be taken for granted. Never let this happen. Set things straight on what can and what cannot happen early on in your relationship.

2) Never forget your friends - Those who are really desperate often drop friends because they fear that friends might come in the way, or worst case, one of them might steal their date. This is not acceptable. Friendship is a noble thing and you must never forget your true friends for anyone. A date and a friend are two different people, and one must not come in the other’s way.

3) Those who are desperate need to be reassured always - You will find many people who are so low in confidence that they need to be comforted and reassured always, and this can come into dating too. Though the two of you are advancing steadily in the relationship stage by stage, your date might try to hurry things up. Or if the two of you are firmly committed, your date might keep asking you once in a while how much you love him/her, and similar other questions. You are sure to feel weary after a while.

4) Does the person seem to cling on? - People who are really desperate are tending to feel insecure. As a result they end up asking prying questions such as who attended that party last night, who sits next to you in office and others like this. Is the person trying to hold on too tightly? This approach never works over the long term.

5) Is the person trying to justify bad treatment? - Perhaps the two of you had a fight which is quite natural in any relationship. Perhaps you lost your head and said some bad things. Your date surely has the right to be aggrieved if you did. Perhaps you might even be feeling bad about it once you have cooled down. But does it seem that your date is going overboard trying to justify your actions? If yes, the person is sure enough desperate. Overall desperate dater will always take lot of gruff and accept poor treatment.

Good Guy, Bad Boy Routine

Ok ladies, I know you probably find it offensive and ridiculous that you or any of your piers would fall for such a routine, but unfortunately most of you have or will fall for the "Good Guy, Bad Boy" stunt at some point in your dating lives. Some women don't even know such a act exists, which many men know and take advantage of on a regular basis. So for the uneducated or naive women of the world, allow me to divulge the definition of the "routine."

The idea behind the routine is that two men, typically good looking, begin a conversation with a group of women out of thin air. Usually the initial talking points have nothing to do with hooking up and somewhat disarms the ladies of the group. After a while, one of the guys will begin making slightly obnoxious comments about either his lack of respect for the female gender or just a simple poke at the idea of having non-committal "relations" with one of the girls in the group. Enter the "Nice Guy." This guy plays it cool by apologizing for his friend and coming across as the mature, more ready for a relationship type of guy. He usually will pick out the girl who responds negatively to his friend the "Bad Boy" as his target and will focus on her the rest of the evening. Now that the "Nice Guy" his clearly picked out which of the group he will focus on, this leaves the rest of the group open to being targeted by the "Bad Boy."

As you can see the act worked in the favor of both the "Nice Guy" and the "Bad Boy" as the odds are in their favor of either a hook-up or a hang-out at a later date. Not all men use this tactic, as some find it unnecessary to trick a woman into a date or hooking up. However, for many men, this is part of the excitement of dating in general. The hunt, the catch, the potential for either excitement or coming home empty handed. Is it immature and slightly pathetic!? GOD YES!!


But don't most men fall under one of those categories to begin with...

The Importance of Listening

Being a great listener can win you friends, improve your marriage, boost your business profits or advance your career. It can make people feel so good about being with you that they'll literally follow you anywhere. Contrary to what you may have been lead to believe, listening is an incredibly complex skill to master. There's so much going on that doesn't meet the eye, that it's silly to even try to cover the subject in just a few short pages.

Listening involves not just accurately hearing what people say, but getting a sense of who they are, how they view life, what they want to accomplish, what concerns they have, what they're afraid of, how they're feeling, what they want from you, and more. It even involves "listening" to what people aren't directly saying, or what they might be too reluctant to say, or what they definitely don't want you to do in response to their communications. In order to become a very good listener, we can't just stop with hearing the words people say. We've got to attend to many other details and many other dimensions that don't meet the eye, but that are crucial nonetheless.

When people speak, they always reveal their deepest thoughts, ambitions, and concerns. Most of the time, neither the speaker, nor the listener, pick up on these subtle, underlying issues...but they are always there. Good listeners, on the other hand, frequently attend to these background, unspoken emotions and concerns. And when they "hear" them and empathize with them (either verbally or nonverbally) the speaker often remarks "Boy, you really know how I feel" or "Gee, you really understand exactly what's going on with me."

You can't be a good listener if you don't understand human beings. And I mean really understand human beings. How do you obtain this wisdom? I really don't know (it's probably part luck, part hard work and dedication, and part finding the right teachers or mentors). But you know what? When somebody's got it, you can tell in an instant. Thus, the wiser you become about life in general, the better a listener you invariably will be. No matter how many technical communication skills you master, if you don't have extensive wisdom about people, you won't come across as truly understanding them.

Many people fall prey to negative thinking and feelings. When they communicate with others, these negative states come through, and they may even want others to sympathize with them and agree with their negative points of view. You can listen to people communicate about a tragedy with a great deal of compassion. But you also can listen optimistically and with positive human regard for their inner strengths and human capabilities. Sometimes people are so entrenched in their negativism of the moment that they fail to focus on their positive human traits. As a listener, however, you can remind them of this positivity, provided you do it with tact, timing and sensitivity.

Translation: Stop talking, Start Listening!!

I.G.S.

Insecure Girl Syndrome - The act of being insecure (typically a woman) in regards to a boyfriend, relationship or potential partner. See also extreme lack of confidence.


I'm sure different people have different names for such a disorder or maybe don't even believe in such a disorder exists. But I have news for the doubters of the world, it is mightily prevalent throughout the dating realm. I'm also well aware that such a disease doesn't only exist in women, but let's be honest, the chances of contracting the disorder are significantly higher for women that men. Now that I've made my slightly sexist/shovanistic comment, I suppose I should move on.

The affliction itself is hard not to contract at some point over the course of a relationship for both men and women largely because more often than not, one party is more interested, at least at first, than the other. This leads to one side putting in more into the relationship in hopes of creating a similar enchantment in his/her partner through such efforts. Unfortunately, this ultimately just pushes the other party even farther away as they view they now see the person as clingy or needy.

So as you can see, the above example of what IGS does to a relationship is quite a recipe for disaster. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who don't battle the symptoms of IGS, and usually these types have longer lasting relationships than those who fall victim to the dreaded disease. However, as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, people will remain insecure about finding someone to spend their lives with. And coincidentally, insecurity is the # 1 cause of the relationship killer, I.G.S.

Boredom

Every relationship faces it. Boredom. Everyday is pretty much the same. You and your partner take each other for granted. Sex has become routine. You no longer catch yourself having warm fuzzy feelings about your partner and dreaming up ways to make them happy. Instead your priorities have shifted to work, the kids, money, or what you'll get mom for Christmas. When and where it started, you're not sure. One day you wake up and it occurs to you that your sex life is boring. You may even blame your partner. The cute coworker may have caught your eye and now your wondering why your partner can't give you that kind of attention. Ok, you recognize the symptoms but how do you fix it?

The thing that separates your relationship with your partner from every other relationship is sex. It therefore stands to reason that the way to revive your relationship is through sex. Consider it as playtime between you and your partner. Not only should it be satisfying, it should also be fun. Here are the steps that will help bring some fun back into your sex life.

Never reach the point where you are not touching each other. Touch, whether erotic or not, is crucial to keeping your relationship on track. Again, this is not a relationship that you want to be like others in your life. One or both of you will end up cheating. Cheating often stems from boredom with the relationship. Do not give into this urge as you will be giving up more than you are gaining. If you get caught and break up, you will have all the time in the world to fool around with whoever, whenever you want. In the end you will still feel empty. What you are looking for cannot be found with a stranger.

Working on your relationship, nourishing it with your attention and love, will give a much more fulfilling result. We are all looking for that special someone to fill that emptiness inside us. Who will love us through the good and bad, give our life meaning, our rock when we feel weak and our pillow when we fall. Starting over with someone new every few years makes this very difficult to accomplish.

So I want you to think back to when you met your partner. Think about your time together and the good things you have shared. Is anything else in your life worth more effort than building on that love? It's like a precious flower. Feed it, water it, nurture it and it will grow. Tend to it only when it crosses your mind and it will wither and die. Communicate, appreciate, and have fun. These are the key ingredients to adding zest to a relationship rut.

Dressing for Sex

As a man, it's strange for me to see all of these articles about women dressing for sex as if they were the ones that needed help getting laid!!! To be honest ladies, you could be wearing a brown paper sack, a tiarra and a bar of smelly fisherman boots and 8 out of 10 guys would still give you the go ahead. However, as men it's important for us to "dot the i's and cross the t's" when it comes to sex. I'm aware that women aren't nearly as visual when it comes to sexual stimulation, but let's not be naive and assume that it doesn't matter.

Most women care about how they look, they love to shop and enjoy fashion. So it would be silly as a man to think that they don't pay attention to how I look as well. I'm not saying that we have to go out and spend thousands of dollars on clothes to impress the ladies, but it is important to accentuate your features by wearing certain styles or colors. Ladies pay close attention to several areas when judging a mans appearance, but I'll give you a list of the top 5 fashion must haves when dressing for sex.

1). Shoes - I want you to pay attention the next time you approach a woman at work, the gym, the club or even a supermarket. When a woman checks you out, she starts from the ground up. And wouldn't you know it the first thing she sees are your shoes. They don't have to be Gucci, Diesel or Kenneth Cole, but they better go with your outfit, you better keep them clean and if she sees you wearing black shoes with a brown belt or vice versa, you might as well just walk away.

2). Jeans - Fellas I'm aware that a pair of basketball shorts or sweats are far more comfortable than some form fitting jeans, but when it comes to sex appeal, a nice pair of jeans will go a long way in helping you get to the bedroom. The jeans you wear not only tell a woman that you care about how you look, but it can also tell a woman a lot about your personality. Are you conservative, lazy, a risk taker, bold, etc...?!?

3). Coats - You may be asking yourself why I skipped the shirt portion of the outfit, but allow me to explain. These days a plain t-shirt can have the same type of effect as a button up or a dress shirt depending on the man. However, put with the ideal coat or jacket it can enhance not only the outfit, but the attention you attract as well. The jacket is also important as it can be typically worn 3 out of the 4 seasons on a consistent basis. Hell in the summer you can even through on a sport coat. My advice, invest in a couple of nice coats and you'll significantly increase the positive attention recieved by the opposite sex.

4). Watch - I know that not all men like to wear a watch and thats fine, but if you do decide to wear one, make sure it's not a timex or a runners watch when you're out to dinner, drinks or even on a date. I get it, you're a runner, but to wear it with a sport coat and slacks or jeans shows you're not only "lost" when it comes to fashion, but you're begging her to ask you if you are a runner. Kind of like a guy who wears underarmour or a cut-off shirt everywhere wanting people to knows he works out or is an athlete. It's just obnoxious!! So to make a long story short, take the time to purchase a nice watch, because it could help you seal the deal.

5). Hair - Sure, it's not something you can put on, but it is a huge factor in determining how sexually attractive you are to a woman. I'm not telling you that you have to always have you're hair done up to a "T" or that you have to have the best hair or any hair at all. I'm just saying that take care of what you do have and let her know you took the time to look presentable before you left the house. I don't know if you've ever heard the term, "use what God gave you," but it particularly holds true when it comes to hair.

The Approach

Men have always had different ways of approaching women and probably always will. I can't honestly say that there is one or two specific ways to approach a woman as each woman responds to each man differently. Some men are charming, some are very good looking, some are bad boys, some are successful, etc. All of these men should use what they are to their advantage when approaching a woman right from the get-go. Because all it takes is saying or doing the wrong thing and you could blow your chances.

So I guess the important part is nailing the approach. Like I said, each man should approach women in a different way by using their strengths and avoiding their weaknesses. Instead of making the mistake of trying to push my strengths upon you, I'm going to share with you the 10 ways you should NEVER approach a woman!!


1) Giving her a lame compliment - by opening her with something like "you're so beautiful, can I take you out sometime?". You are immediately conveying lower status, because you are the one that wants to buy her approval. I'm not saying don't give compliments, but you need to pepper it within the conversation about things you notice about her apart from her physical appearance.

2) Immediately doing her a favor when she has done nothing to earn it - This is when a guy buys a girl a drink for no apparent reason. He does her a favor, like buying her a drink. What does this do? He shows to the girl that he is trying to impress her with money and is supplicating immediately to her. Thus lowering his own status.

3) Approaching her while speaking too quietly- This shows to her you are afraid of letting her know you are there. Do not come up from behind when you approach her, instead let her know you are walking up to her. Also, when you talk to her, make sure she hears you.

4) Giving little eye contact - Many guys are afraid to look at a women in the eye when he is talking to her. A man who looks straight into the women's eyes tells her that he is a high status male, he knows what he is doing and he is very confident. This is attractive. Looking elsewhere when attempting to approach her is not.

5) Being "the drunk guy" - Women do not appreciate being just hit on by "the drunk guy" because you show her you are not confident enough to talk to her without being boozed up with alcohol. No confidence equates to being a lower status male and this is not attractive.


6) Not being able to create a presence - when a man approaches a women, he needs to let her know he is there, and create a presence. Owning your own space and acquiescing to others spatially lets her know that you are not comfortable being there. If you're not comfortable you're not confident, and you are not attractive. This is not how to approach women. Instead, you should be holding yourself in an accommodating position where you are relaxed with a confident pose, especially if there are other guys around.

7) Trying too HARD to say the right things - This comes down to the fact that many men are goal orientated when they meet women. The focus is not to get anything from her but rather just enjoy the interaction between you two. If you can do this then the pressure of performance is lifted and you will pass the female screening test for men. Because, you are not out to get something from her.

8) Ignoring her friends- Remember, friends to a women are very important. Thus, if you ignore her friends, your intentions will be obvious and you will be perceived as that guy who is obviously trying to hit on her and being rude to her friends. This is not attractive and does not help. Further, you'll look antisocial and seem as if you have no social intelligence. You will make the whole situation seem awkward and weird.

9) Asking for the number too soon - The interaction should be fun and amusing for both of you. If you are there just to get her number, then you have an agenda thus you will be putting the interaction in a box. Things will not be able to move smoothly and it will kill any rapport that you had. Some guys think of getting her phone number as a reward to give her. If she is cool enough then you want to hang out with her. Not the other way around. Thus, you should only ask for her number if you are comfortable with her, and don't make it too soon so it would be obvious.

10) Not initiating flirting - Unless you want to be categorized as a friend only, you don't want to be the guy who does no flirting. Flirting in itself creates attraction. Without flirting then there is also really no point in approaching!

The Romantic

I hear women of all types make comments about wanting to be with a more romantic man. But, what do they mean by this? Is it that he doesn't bring her flowers before a date night? Does he not pay attention to the meaning behind the words she is speaking? Or is it that his idea of a hot date a trip to the ball game and beers afterwards? No matter how you slice it, women want a man who makes an effort, pays attention and isn't afraid of making himself vulnerable through a "romantic" act. What does it mean to be romantic?! Well even though I'm not Webster, I feel as though I can put enough pieces together to form my own definition of what women see as a romantic.

A Romantic is someone who pursues love as if it is the end all and be all of his life. He makes it a point to let his partner know she's not only loved, but appreciated. Though he may come across as a little aggressive, his assertiveness in the realm of love creates an allure unknown to the common man. Above all else he puts his heart on the line endlessly giving in hopes of finding a "true" love.

As sappy and corny as the above definition might seem to be, every woman secretly wants the Knight in Shining Armor and such a person would definitely fall under the category of a Romantic. What makes such a man so alluring is his disregard for his own emotions in the pursuit of love. A Romantic is the type of man that every girl hopes they meet, but they rarely find as they typically dismiss this type of man as they initially come across as either desperate or clingy.

So the question I ask myself is this, do women really want a romantic man or are they just enamored with the idea of being romanced?

The Silver Tongued Devil

So many woman complain about falling victim to a smooth talking man. Yet these same women are probably the ones who continue to fall for the same shit over and over again. I'm not saying that all men who know how to speak to women are assholes, but what I am saying is that typically, if something seems to good to be true, it is!!

Women love men who carry themselves in a confident manner and know how to communicate effectively, which makes them susceptible to an attack from the "silver tongued devil." I'm not sure the problem lies in the men that are using what God gave them to achieve specific goals as much as women having the "blinders" on. What I mean by this is that so many women fail to pay complete attention to what men say and often don't put the necessary pieces together to see if he's full of shit or not.

Here are 5 traits of the type of man you may be attracted to, but should ultimately steer clear of unless you consider yourself the "worthy opponent" :

1. They are relaxed, confident, and "into" the person they are talking to.

2. They display presence of mind- a deep sense of themselves as individuals... they are not afraid to be themselves. This is probably the biggest difference between timid introverts and extroverts is that they are not afraid to express their opinions and identity.

3. They speak simply and directly to - not at- the person they are talking with. They are also aware of the feelings of the other person and react accordingly.

4. They have command of their material. They know exactly where they are headed with everything they are saying.

5. Long after you forget what they said- you remember how they said it.

The Cycle

Have you ever wondered why your relationships seem familiar at one point or another? Does it bother you that no matter who you're with, you often follow a similar relationship pattern? Do you find yourself thinking that you must be different because you're relationships have a tendency to fail because of such patterns? The answer to the three questions is probably a resounding yes, but I urge you not to panic!! You aren't weird, strange or remotely different. You are just stuck in the modern day relationship cycle! You might be wondering what I mean by "the cycle," so let me enlighten you.

We've all fallen victim to the cycle at some point in our dating lives whether we want to admit it or not. Unfortunately or Fortunately, depending on how you view relationships, men and women are both looking for the same thing when seeking a significant other, "the rush." What I mean by "the rush," is the odd and alluring interest in certain members of the opposite sex. This rush is what we are looking to feel inside for the entirety of any and all relationships. I'm sure I'm not bursting your bubble when I tell you this, but this rush doesn't last forever, and when we finally realize that it doesn't we try to seek it elsewhere. Enter, the Cycle...

The Cycle is broken into 9 steps and if you pay close attention, you will undoubtedly see parallels in your own relationships.

Step 1: Striking Gold

We see or meet someone of the opposite sex that sparks an uncontrollable desire to get to know them on both a personal and intimate level.

Step 2: Dating

You display your best features and hide the bad ones, resulting in either rejection or falling in "love."

Step 3: Romance

Time moves on. Swell of passion begins to fade. He/she is still perfect . . . mostly, well except maybe for this one little thing...

Step 4: Honeymoon's Over

A wide assortment of minor problems emerge, usually each party blaming the other, either loudly or secretly.

Step 5: Wake Up Call

Problems, issues, and troubles.Infatuation fully fades away. You realize that this other person is just another normal, flawed, breathing, scratching, coughing, fearful, complicated human being, just like yourself, more or less. Often this is accompanied by feelings of betrayal, of having been wronged, let down, disappointed, or hurt.

Step 6: Change of Heart

You realize that your partner really wasn't the answer to your problems and start to feel like you're back at square one. Alone!

Step 7: To Be or Not To Be

This step depends largely on how you react to your sudden realization...do you break up or stay together? Get or divorce or work it out?

Step 8: The Aftermath

Typically if you're at this step you've decided to move on and take some time to reflect. And by reflect I mean blame the entire destruction of the relationship on the other person and find someone "better."

Step 9: The Next Gold Mine

Ahh...Back to Step 1!!!

Serial Daters

When I say "Serial Dater," some may automatically think taht this term is synonymous with the term "player." However, though I do agree that there are some striking similarities, there are several fundamental differences between the two.

The serial dater (ostensibly) has in mind establishing a serious relationship eventually, while the “player” has no such intention. The classic serial dater wants to be in a serious or long term relationship, but has a difficulty committing to a relationship, has intimacy issues, or has unrealistic standards in their love partners. Often, the serial dater is a romantic looking for “Mr. Right” or “Ms. Right”, but their dates continually come up short of this ideal.

Of course, there’s the chance that a person termed a serial dater is actually just a player, but for psychological or tactical reasons, chooses to identify themselves or portray themselves as something more like a serial dater.

Because many tv sitcoms depict serial daters for the sake of having a replenish-able source of comic situations, there’s a certain cultural charm and romance in the comic allure of the person who wants to settle down, but is unlucky in love, either because of their own quirks or the eccentricity of the people around them. Trying to have a dynamic social life is also a reason a person might become a serial dater, as they have their flavor of the week or flavor of the month.

The serial dater might be a person who is just perpetually in love, or “in love with the idea of being in love”. This is a centuries-old phenomenon, much like the Romeo character at the beginning of “Romeo & Juliet”. Some people enjoys the feeling of “falling in love”, only to have their high hopes, naive assumptions, or romantic illusions be disappointed upon getting to know the object of their affection a little better. As the old saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt.

One should not view the serial dater as fitting into just the “player in hiding” or the “lovable lover” archetypes. There might be longstanding psychological reasons or defense mechanisms at work that explain why a person is a serial dater. To begin with, men and women involved in serial dating tend to be gregarious personalities and extroverts who draw energy from time spent with other people, and who feel the need to have constant companionship and affirmation.

Serial daters often fill their various needs from several parallel relationships, instead of inside one serious relationship. In the age of online dating, one can see how serial dating and Internet dating go hand-in-hand (in many cases). There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as both sides of the relationship are honest about their intentions, as well as about their past history of short term relationships.

In dating and relationships, sins of omission are often as serious as lies. Players tend to omit their life as a player, which is one of the definitions of being a player. So if you want to be a serial dater, let the people in your life know that serial dating is your lifestyle, or “problem”, or however it is you look at this part of your life. Otherwise, good luck finding what you’re searching for.

Laying Down Your Pride

Some of us find it next to impossible to actually make some sort of reconciliation after the end of a relationship, regarding the damage as permanent and irreversible. Many of us seem all too willing to merely wash our hands on the other person and rather than admit our faults, would rather walk away. This is a very sad way to think and behave, because if we run away every time we have a problem in life, then we would never move forward. But for people who are still willing to save their broken relationship, the process of healing broken relationship is easy. The hardest part, is actually admitting that you made a mistake and that you are less than perfect. Once you are actually able to reconcile this simple truth with yourself, then you will be in a much stronger position to move on, and onto better things.

Let me ask you a question, and I hope that you will answer it honestly and truthfully? If you can have a second chance with your ex, would you actually take it? Would you recant your proud and narcissistic ways, and actually treat them with the love and respect that they deserve? When healing broken relationship, you should try to accept each others differences. Respect your partners individuality and learn to compliment each other to balance out any misunderstandings and other issues.

As old adage goes, pride comes before a fall. Just stop and think for a minute, how many times have you had a fight with someone you care about and then failed to apologize or at least delayed in doing so out of a mistaken sense of pride? Whilst pride does not tend to cause broken relationships, it sure does manage to make things a whole lot worse, and worse than they should or indeed ought to be. Men are especially guilty of this, rather than admitting that sometimes they are insensitive or selfish, they dig their heels in and simply cannot concede defeat. Humility is a virtue and in a relationship, an absolute necessity.

Too many of us hold onto negative emotions such as guilt and anger and these end up poisoning our minds, making us more irritable and snappy, susceptible to mood swings and more withdrawn. If you have done something wrong and are feeling guilty for it, then stop suffering and make sure you put things right, otherwise you cannot get down to healing broken relationship. An argument and then subsequent relationship can actually help to bring people together, with a stronger and more resilient bond as they are able to appreciate just how much they care about one another.

Too many people bite their tongue and let fear rule their lives, stopping them from doing and saying the things they want to. Stepping up and admitting a fault, or pointing out someone else can be tough, but it is an essential and vital part if you want to get to healing broken relationship. and take action in healing broken relationship.

The Younger Woman/Older Man Mystery

It is a known fact that women are attracted to older men. When I say older, I don't necessarily mean that a twenty-five year old will date a man who's seventy-three. What I'm saying is that relative to their own age, women, in general, will date men that are a few years older than themselves. So if a woman is twenty, she'll date a man in his thirties. If she's thirty, she'll probably date a man in his forties and so on. Why is it that women behave in such a way?

She is primarily interested in getting a husband-to-be on the hook.

Most women will admit that they want a strong man who can stand his own ground and be confident. Back in the day, this meant an egg fertilizer with blessed genetics who could hunt to feed his family while protecting them from predators.Of course, today we live in a more civilized society. Women no longer need a mate, hunter or protector (basically, they don't need men). But because of her upbringing, a woman still expects a man to provide for his family. She now expects her man to be mature and provide financial stability along with long-term security.

All these traits can be found in most men that are eighteen or over. But more often than not, women will associate older men with the capability of providing all the aforementioned traits.

Obviously, it isn't a big mystery why older men tend to look for younger women. They're usually physically fit, full of energy (makes him feel younger) and have a strong sex drive. Let's not forget that ego also plays a major role. Think about when you see an older man with a beautiful woman around your age. Do you not immediately begin to say to yourself "why is she with him?" or basically any jealous thought that pops into your head. Men generally love to be looked up to by their peirs and what better way to snag that attention then by having a young, sexy and vibrant woman at your side?

Now ladies, just as you tend to date older men for reasons that pertain to your own agenda, older men tend to use the situation to their advantage also. Sure all men are attracted to a young beautiful woman, but the type of older man that can get such a girl knows that he has a certain power over the said woman. He knows that she is seeking a potential husband to be and that he is better suited to give her a life more suitable to that than most. So what do most men do when they know they have the upper hand?!? They manipulate the hell out of the situation.

Remember, relationships are alot like the business world, if you have the supply there will always be a demand!!!

Ladies Man vs Man's Man

(for the women of the world)

Upon reading the title of this post, you might wonder what I mean by the term "Man's Man" and what it is in comparison to a "Ladies Man." The truth is that both of these men have very similar characteristics, but a few MAJOR differences that create a distance or gap in how they are responded to by women. Both are alluring in nature and have a knack for dealing with the female gender. Each has a unique way of attracting the most unattainable women. So, what's the difference?

Lets start with loosely defining the Man's Man.

A Man's Man is the type of man that most men look up to and strive to be. He's good looking, well spoken and always dresses to impress. When he walks into a room, both men and women take notice and begin to compete with or for attention. He's strong minded and rarely tells people what they want to hear. He keeps himself in great shape and is good at most things. He usually strives to be the center of attention and is naturally competitive. He knows he's good looking and usually makes relationships about himself rather than his partner. (see also emotionally challenged)

The Ladies Man is slightly different than a Man's Man, but has similarities as well. He is good looking, well spoken and typically is slightly fashion obsessed (metro sexual.) He is smooth and knows how to talk to his way into and out of any situation. His education level and ability to communicate usually makes him successful. He portrays an image of strength and mystery that has an unexplainable allure to all types of women. The Ladies Man usually has only a few male friends as he relates better to women. His strength lies in his ability to relate to women on a deeper level. He typically makes the relationship about the women he is with, but rarely sticks around. (see also player)

While these two types of men are typically the most attractive to the female gender, these are usually the types women should avoid as neither have an optimistic view on male/female intimacy. Both men have great potential and could easily be great boyfriends, husbands and eventual fathers, but their inability to commit to something bigger than themselves makes them red flags in the dating world.

Labels...

It seems that there are standard and accepted relationship statuses, as evidenced by facebook that you can be single, "casually" dating someone, in a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship, engaged, married, or divorced. "Divorced", in my mind, is the same thing as being single. Just because you made a relationship mistake in the past, it shouldn't brand your "status" for life. Nowadays, there are also "friends with benefits" and "FTF", adding more complexity into the mix. But I digress.

Some people really enjoy the early stages of relationships where nothing as been defined. There are very few expectations and the focus is on getting to know each other. Relationship labels indicate a certain level of commitment and define expectations, providing security and reducing anxiety. When you're in a relationship, you have to balance the notion of freedom with your commitment to the other person. I don't think you have to sacrifice freedom at all, actually, if you're in the right relationship. And you see the other person as bringing out your best, unique self.

Most people use exclusivitity to define a relationship. If the person you're with doesn't want to date anyone else and wants to commit to being with you along, then they're traditionally considered your boyfriend or girlfriend. But often times, exclusivity is just that and carries no deeper meaning. It doesn't imply love and it doesn't imply expectations.

I don't have any real conclusions to draw here. I am still conflicted on how I feel about relationships. I've come a long way in terms of not labeling myself and using those labels to form an identity. But in terms of relationships, would I rather have a traditional "girlfriend" or a somewhat vauge/ambiguous relationship that was defined by the love and connection? A relationship in which me and my partner felt a unique bond, but it wasn't necessarily understood by others because of the lack of a "label"? I am torn. Many people would probably tell me I can have both and they aren't mutually exclusive.